No Control

Carter Rose Winchester is a 17 year old girl. . she has been bullied all her life till she was pulled out freshman year. she began to cut she was so depressed. everything people said she took it to heart. 5 boys kept her from suicide one night when their song came on. she vowed to make herself everything people told her she couldn't be, including her own parents.

©Copyrights of Krista Bluhm 2015 All Rights Reserved


8. Life Or Death?

(Carter's POV)

*3 weeks later*

Niall is over protective now. Ever since me almost dying. Alexis told people it was just a lie and I was trying to get attention. Harry dumped after what had happened and she has gotten fans to turn against me.

"Hunny, I'm going to get groceries. I will be back in an hour." Niall yelled.

"Okay. I'll see you when you get back." I told him. Niall has saw the hate on twitter and instagram so he won't let me see what they all say. I decided that since he would be gone for a while I would log on to twitter. I read through my mentions.

"@Carter_Rose21(<---Made that up) You are such an ugly fat ass bitch! Lay the fuck off Alexis you damn hoe!"

"@Carter_Rose21 The hell do you think you are messing with Alexis' man."

"@Carter_Rose21 The fuck! Why you gotta push people of boardwalks bitch?"

"@Carter_Rose21 I cant blieve yu. yure a nasty ass bitch, yu need 2 stop sleepin round nd fuckin die!"

"@Carter_Rose21 Bitch I wish yu woulda died! Yu only cause drama hoe.

"@Carter_Rose21 Nialls not happy wit yu thts why he gon leave you. engagements just a joke. DIE BITCH!" 

At this point I had had enough. I didn't want to be the reason Niall was not happy. I locked the bedroom door and walked into the bathroom. I pulled out a blade from the drawer. I turned on the camera and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills from under the cabinet.

I started to record. "I have had enough of all of you. If you want me dead than damn well you can have your damn wish." I turned on the water. I cut nine times on each wrist. 3 for each tweet I had read. I ran them under water. I took 3 pills for each tweet I was mentioned in, 18 In total. I filmed myself as I started to go underwater to take my life when I heard him humming outside the door.

"Babe, it's me let me in." I didn't respond just sat on the bed and Wrapped my hands around my neck watching as I stated to change color. The door busted down. And I stood and ran to jump from the balcony 12 stories up. He grabbed my wrist and pinned me to the ground. sitting on my stomach. I reached under the bed and I grabbed the bottle of pills and opened it. I tried to pour them all in my mouth but only got a few and swallowed. Niall stuck his hand down my throat and I threw them all up. I looked into the camera. "He won't let you win." He placed me in bed and looked at the scars on my wrists.

"I can't believe you went behind my back and did this." He said. I looked into his blue eyes. He was hurt.

"Niall, Why wouldn't you tell me? It wouldn't have gotten so bad." He opened up his phone. And showed me the screen full of favorite tweets. They were all about me and us. All positive things. I began to cry. I just didn't know what to say.

I sat up in bed screaming.

"Oh My God!"

"Relax babe, it was just another dream. It is okay, No one is gonna let that stuff happen to you, I promise." Niall's soothing voice told me. I looked him in the eyes.

"I'm ready to tell you why I have always been so depressed and also why I'm scared of water and can't swim." I told him.


I was twelve years old. I came home from school, Mom wasn't home, I was all alone. I looked out the window and watched as she pulled in the driveway. "Mommy! Mommy! Look I got an A on my spelling test!" I cheered. She backhanded me. I went flying across the room. "I thought I told you never to call me that!" She yelled at me. "But all the other kids do." I told her. "Not you! I hate you, you were an accident. No one EVER wanted you!" She yelled at me. I started to cry. One by one my siblings walked in Anna she was 17, Blake he was 15, Drake he was 14 and Brooke Ann she was 21. Brooke Ann, Anna, Blake, and Drake all kicked me as they walked in. I still had bruises from my last beating. Mom told them not to feed me because I had mouthed off to her. I watched as they all ate. Mom had gone back to the bar. Brooke Ann thought it would be fun to play soccer with me as the ball in the house again. They kicked me. And soon they threw me in the tub. My father always came to get me on Fridays at 7. They knew he would be there soon they held me under water. I was trying to breathe but blacked out. My father must have found me because next thing I knew I was in the hospital bed and he was holding my hand. I knew I wouldn't have to stay with them any more. A week after I got out of the hospital I heard gun shots fired outside the house shortly before dad was to walk in the door. It was my birthday so I knew he was coming home early. He never came in. I waited for a while and decided to go outside. He was dead on the sidewalk and Brooke Ann grabbed me and held me under water again. I remember her chocking on her gum and falling over. But I didn't know she was dead. I ran to my teachers house next door and she took care of me for the next few years and then I raised my self starting at 16. I was so depressed from dad I had started cutting. People made fun of me and called me names. It only made things worse and when I tried to take my own life, I heard Niall's voice on the radio, and I knew, that I had to prove everyone wrong. I had to show them I was strong and wasn't going to give up.

(End of flashback)


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