I am not crazy. Am I?


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2. Am I?

Seriously? I have been waiting for this moment since I realised he is the guy. The moment when he will be a perfect gentlemen and ... Say things like that. The moment when he will love me so much he will be scared of even touching me, because that might hurt me. But now ... I just don't feel like melting in his arms. The words seem so vague. I don't want to be the fragile flower I want to be strong. I have to be strong. Cause if I give in to the ... tears and ... pain, I might get lost never to come back. I want to be back. I want to have my life. I like my life. I like how Ryan used to bring me chocolates and say "We have an anniversary, i can't believe you forgot". He did that every week. I also like eating pop corn with him. He just loves popcorn. So do I. Luckily we learnt we need to use two separate bowls so we don't end up fighting. That guy.
"I will go then, I don't want to get in your way", he says after he has spent the past ten minutes pretending to read with me, while I was ... thinking. As he leaves I realise i don't feel him next to me anymore. He is not there. Just what wanted, for him to leave me alone. Then why do I feel so unbearably miserable?

An hour later

I am alone in my room. Alone and lonely. Just like a stupid line in a stupid movie. What is wrong with me? Why do I hate movies so much? Why do I hate everything so much? Why can't I live happily every after? Why am I so mean to Ryan? He is probably the only person left in the world who cares for me. Ok, maybe he doesn't love me, but how can anyone love me? I am mean to everyone, I like to hide my feelings,my thoughts, I hide everything. How can anyone love that? So I don't blame Ryan for not loving me. How can I blame him for anything? He is so annoyingly perfect. I hate how he wants to know everything and I hate how he takes lines from stupid movies and thinks they will work on me. I hate that he is so protestive of me. But at the same time I love that.
I am probably crazy. I have just moved into another house and I lost my family a month ago, but what I think about now is just that stupid, annoying, pain-the-ass, perfect guy.
Somehow while all of this was going on my head i reached his room. He is asleep. I guess I will have to wait to see him. Well, it's my fault for being such a stupid kid earlier. I wanted my old life back so hard, but I didn't realise I can't have it. But I can have a new one.
I turn and head back to my room, but the floor seems to betray me with that loud noise it makes as I move. Ryan is now awake and I can't escape before he sees me. Where is all that confidence,from five minutes earlier?
"Emma? Are you Ok?"
All his sleepiness is suddenly gone. Did I cause that?
"I ... I was ... Wondering if I can come sleep in your room."
"Yes of course, I'll move somewhere else."
"I meant your room as in the room you sleep in."
I see the sudden suprise in his widened eyelids. A good suprise?
"Sure"
Wow. Somehow that sure meant more that everything else he said. It came from the heart.
As I hear it I feel my lips smiling.

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