Tales from Tinder

Meet Ivy, 17 years old, Welsh born and bred, and a student. She doesn't have much luck with the guys around her. Then one day, her friend suggests she tries out a new app called Tinder. Will she ever find her soul-mate? Who knows..


2. Brendan

***Authors edit: Hey I'm sorry its taken me so so so so long to update! I have been stupidly busy with life and my studies but I finally feel as if I'm in a better place to write. Thanks for understanding :)***

One month later Saturday 16th November 2013 1:03pm

I glared at my reflection in the mirror, holding the side gently with my hand. Tilting my head to the side, I sighed exasperated with my hair. It was seemingly impossible to create any resemblance of an intentional hairstyle, if anything, it looked as if I had just rolled out of bed and said 'here I am Brendan, take me or leave me', and that wouldn't be acceptable at all. I glanced across my face, my giant forehead, too small for my own face nose and my lips. Lastly I looked into my light blue eyes 'Oh c'mon Ivy! You are gorgeous, talented and if the guy didn't find you attractive he wouldn't have asked you on a date... Oh who am I fucking kidding'.

Turning away from the mirror I walked over to my bed and flopped down onto it and let my forearm rest over my eyes, "UGH!... This is impossible" I said whispering to myself. With my eyes still closed I started feeling for my phone on my bed. My hand finally slid over a cold hard metal object, I pulled I pulled it towards myself and held down the 'home' button, "Call Nix" I said monotonously, "Calling Nix Faith" Siri replied at me all too cheerfully.

"What do you want?" Nix answered the phone, I swore I could hear her chewing on the other end
"Nix help me, I'm meeting that Brendan guy in less than 6 hours and I don't have the slightest clue where to start yet!"
"Have you... Have you even showered and shaved yet?" She replied exasperated still chewing
"What?... Why do I need to shave?!" I shouted down the phone
"JUST IN CASE!" Nix shouted equally as loud down the phone "I'll be there in half an hour, you owe me Ivy Jones!"
"Thank yo- Nix?" She had hung up on me. 
"Typical Nix!" 

I rolled over onto my stomach and opened up my laptop and Spotify selecting the top 40 charts. As the music started to play I looked down at my bed covers. They were meant to be white but after years of wear and tear they had began to look rather dull and grey, my eyes moved over to the blue butterflies, turquoise my favourite colour.



I sat down at the bar stool and nervously tapped my fingers on the bar waiting for my date to arrive. Nix had done an absolutely amazing job, I look nothing like I previously had. My blonde hair was finally straight and loose down to my shoulders, my blue eyes were shining brighter than they had ever shone before, complimented by a smoky cat eye. Lastly, Nix had let me use her coveted red MAC lipstick, I felt very privileged. 

"Can I get you anything to drink?" asked the meek bartender looking me directly in the eyes. I was beyond grateful for this gesture. Nix had forced me into a tight little black dress and a push up bra, two sizes too small may I add, I felt like a turkey wrapped up ready to be served for Christmas with my breasts on display.

"A large glass of house red would be fantastic, thank you" I replied smiling brightly at him meeting his gaze
"Coming right up, waiting for a date?" he began to make small talk
"Yes I'm a bit early though I'm afraid" I looked back at the entrance door, hoping I wasn't going to be stood up.
The bartender placed my glass down in front of me "Any man would be idiotic to stand you up" he whispered to me, reading my mind and once again, looking at me directly in the eyes.
"Well... Thank you" I replied unable to hide my blush

5 minutes later, Brendan turned up.

I was sitting on the bar stool sipping on my wine when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.
I turned around, "Ivy?" a tall gentleman asked me.
"Brendan?" I replied questioningly
"The one and only!" He began to smile at me and sit on the bar stool next to me "I have to say, you look nothing like your photos on Tinder!"
"Uhm... Thank you?" I opened my eyes wide, surely a man shouldn't say that to his date!?
"Oh it's not a compliment sweetheart" He held his hand up, exposing a large and expensive looking Rolex watch, and began to snap his fingers "BARTENDER! A gin and tonic over here pronto"
I smiled in sympathy to the nice bartender and he smiled back knowing that this date would not end up happily.



Brendan, was without a question, the worst human being alive on this planet. When we finally left the bar to head to our table in the restaurant, he made no secret of looking directly at my tits. "Now THOSE are a nice asset" he whistled at me, the fact he was taller than me by a whole foot made it impossible to stop him looking either. I wanted to punch him.

After sitting down I had a thought to myself, "Maybe the guys just hungry, I've heard men act differently when they get hungry?". The waitress passed us both a menu and asked if we would like any extra drinks, I politely declined after hardly drinking any of my wine. Brendan looked up at the waitress "We're ready to order now"
I opened my mouth in shock "I'm not, I've hardly looked at the menu!"
He smirked back at me "I'll have the chef special and the lady will have a chicken and bacon salad, no sauce"

"IS THIS GUY FOR REAL?!" I tried my hardest to control my breathing as nails dug into the table, this guy was the biggest dickhead of them all.

"Cheers sweetcheeks, that's all I'll be needing from you... For now" He winked at the waitress as he handed back the menu's
"Very good sir" The waitress turned on her heels and began to walk away, but not before Brendan had managed to reach his hand out and slap her ass.

"Enough is enough, I'm outta here" I stood up from the table and smiled too sweetly down at Brendan

"I need to go home Brendan, thank you for showing your face but I have to say, this was a huge waste of my time, and you are most possibly the biggest waste of air I have EVER met in my entire life" I picked up my glass of wine and threw it at his face, "Enjoy the rest of your night Brendan"

I turned around and began to march out of the restaurant to shocked faces, passing the waitress who served us "I'm so sorry you had to put up with his shit" I passed her £20 "Here is something for your trouble."

"YOU CANT JUST DO THIS TO ME, I'M BRENDAN PERCH! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" He stood up dripping wet from my wine, I stopped in my tracks.
"No, I do not know who you are, and frankly I do not give two flying horse shits who you are. No one deserves to be treated the way you just treated me and our poor waitress. Did your parents not raise you to respect women?! Goodbye Brendan" I turned back around, holding my middle finger up behind me and out the door. 


Get fucked Brendan




"Nix, oh. my. god. HE WAS THE BIGGEST DICK I HAVE EVER MET!" I shouted down my phone to Nix "He began by saying I looked nothing like my pictures, then he moved onto treating this really sweet bartender like shit. He ordered for me, and you KNOW how much I like my food, a fucking salad?! Get real! and and and get this Nix! He SLAPPED the waitress on the ass and flirted with her in front of me?! I hate him!" 
"Sounds like you dodged a bullet right there Ivy, I mean no woman deserves to be treated like that, he strikes me as almost Christian Grey-esk" I could hear here filing her nails down the phone
"You don't know the half of it Nix, right I'm going to bed, I'll text you in the morning, love ya"
"Love ya too!" I hung up the phone and checked my messages


I hope you don't mind but I got your phone number from your table booking, I'm glad you stood up for yourself before, he deserved it. Have a good night. Tomx

Who the fuck is Tom?




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