they told me it wasn't my fault that i couldn't prevent any of it any of there death my parents or my brothers brutally murdered in the same house were i hid from what was happening instead of helping and i could have help the killer could have killed me so my parents could have lived but i couldn't move from were i was bundled up in a tight ball underneath my bed were i couldn't be found after the initial two gun shots i heard screams from my brother then another gunshot i could have stopped it i could have saved them.
"Maddy get up" my aunt shouted from downstairs
"why it's only 6"
"u have ur first day of senior year today:
"but uum *coughs* i'm sick"
"u said that last year get dressed then be down here in ten minutes then i will drive u so hurry up"
i looked pale from being inside the entire holiday. i pulled out my usual look my black skinny jeans and my misfits tank top i didn't wear much makeup just eyeliner and mascara then i pulled several bracelets over my scarred wrists fore brushing my hair and tying it into a loose bun before walking down stairs grabbing a apple and my bag and walked to the car.
"u ready for ur final year sweetie"
"no i don't understand why i can't just do online school"
"because u don't ever socialize and i want u to make friends so have fun" she had pulled up at the school and i opened the door walking through the front doors fiddling with the bracelets covering my scars which were laced across the inner side of my wrist they didn't hurt i couldn't feel them to be honest there old but still a memory a terrible one. i kept walking until i reached the front desk at the office.
"hi i'm Maddy Farmer my aunt Kate enrolled me"
"oh yes sweetie i'm Ms Kelly i'm ur head master i have a young lad showing u around today his name is Calum he will be here any second if u just want to wait here i will call his name over the speaker. i sat fiddling with my thumbs nervously and i felt my social anxiety kick in and i felt like i was going to break down but i couldn't i pulled myself together and waited for this Calum guy to show me around. Soon a tall boy with beautiful brown hair and amazing hazel eyes walked in i wonder who it is probably some sort of soccer player or a football player i knew i had no chance with him but even if i wanted one there was definable that he was so far out of my league but my thoughts were interupted as he walked over to me
"hey u must be Maddy i'm Calum i will be ur school tour guide"
"uhh yeh my names Maddy" i mentally facepalmed myself idiot Maddy idiot that was so not cool he probably thinks ur a weirdo
"well Maddy sshall i show u around then"
"ok but first i have to meet up with my friends were in a band and i need to ask them a question"
"yep thats fine" so he was musical not sporty now i'm even more out of his limit
"Maddy r u ok"
"um yeh i was just thinking"
"ohh ok hey do u wanna meet my mates"
"um sure i really don't know anyone but i'm sorry i'm seriously socially awkward"
"it's ok i understand so am i"
"really i mean a hot guy like u socially awkward" i face palmed myself this time in real life and blushed like crazy
"u think i'm hot"
"um no um "
"it's cool u don't have to answer"
"if we r to be friends u mustn't call me Calum just call me Cal"
"ok sure Cal"
we soon approached three other guys and i assumed these were Calums friends.
"hey guys this is Maddy we get to show her around for the day"
"hi Maddy i'm Luke thats Ashton oh and thats Michael"
that's when my head started spinning and i felt out of breath like i was choking or possibly dying my anxiety had set in and i couldn't speak and i knew i was about to have a panic attack.
"hey Maddy u alright" Calum said placing his hand Ono back
"um no Cal i'm not were's the restroom i'm not feeling to well"
"ohh um i will show u sorry guys"
"it's cool hey Maddy u wanna hang with us if ur still here at lunch"
"umm yeh sure"
Calum led me down the hall toward the restroom
"i will wait out here for u cause we have all the classes together"
"ok thaanks" i managed to stutter as i walked into the bathroom grabbing my medication out of my bag oh how i wished i could just slip away it's all my fault everything why do i have to be here why.
i walked out of the bathroom and saw Calum
''hey i'm sorry i guess i should tell u whats wrong but not at school u wanna come to mine after school or something" i shyly asked
"um sure but i have band practice first do u wanna come with me then theres this little park across the road so we can talk but u dont have to tell me Maddy i understand u only just met me after all"
"well i want to have at least one friend so i might as well come clean now"
"u haven't been to jail have u" he joked
"hahaha very funny i haven't"
"ok good so we have music first in D block"
"ok i have no clue where that is"
"thats why u have me i'm ur tour guard remember"
why was i going to come clean to him i knew him for 1 hour and i was already ready to tell him he will probably just call me a freak like everyone else does.