I hear nothing and I turn to face the window. A tear or two falls and I wipe them away before Zayn can see them. “You shouldn’t listen to her.” Zayn says to me. I don’t say anything so Zayn doesn’t hear the hurt. I wipe away the tears that fall and I see Zayn set his hand on my thigh, close to my knee in the window’s reflection.
“Why are you crying?” He asks me. I say nothing for a second. “I’m just hurt.” I say quietly. “I know baby girl.” He replies sympathetically. I turn to look at him after I wipe the tears away.
“What’s love is love and if I wanna love you then I wanna love you.” He says to me. I look at him and I feel a bit better. “You always know what makes me feel better.” I tell him. “I’m magic.” He says to me as he moves his hand to take mine, filling the space in between my fingers.
When we get home, Zayn ends up getting Lauren on the phone again, and has me go to another room. I go to the art studio and pick out some paint and a couple paint brushes. I hear him and he goes into the room next door, our room. I walk over to a blank canvas and begin to paint as I hear him talk.
“She’s everything to me. No matter what you try to do or say its not gonna change anything.” I hear him say as I paint. What I’m painting, I don’t really know. There’s a silence and then he speaks again. “Perrie has nothing to do with this. I only left her because she cheated on me. I was the one cheated one, not her. You have this all twisted up.” Zayn says to Lauren. Silence.
“So what? She screwed it up for herself. What she could have had she didn’t want bad enough. Rose can have whatever she wants from me. Rose is everything to me and I’m gonna give her the freaking world.” He says. This time, I can hear Lauren.
“Rose doesn’t see anything. She’s too blind to see anything. Rose doesn’t need a guy when she has the one friend she’s had for years. Guys only take advantage of her. You’re gonna end up doing the same exact thing. Rose doesn’t mean anything to anybody. Not to me, not to you, not to the guys. Nobody cares about her except her mom and dad. You’re gonna watch when you make the mistake that’s gonna screw up your life as well as her’s. Rose isn’t gonna be loved. Ever.”
I stop what I’m doing and I drop the paint brush. Her words cut me like knives and I know that it’s no use trying not to let it go to my head now. She means those words. She means every word that comes out of her mouth. There’s not a single doubt in my mind that the thoughts I have are gonna change. I walk out of the room, going into the kitchen. I open one of the drawers and pull out a knife. I hide it and walk out to the living room, to the balcony door. I open the door and I walk out, softly closing the door behind me.
Knowing Zayn and the guys would kill me, for some reason I feel like this is logically the best thing to do, even though I know that this is wrong on many levels. I walk over to the edge and set my arm on the railing, my palm facing me. I take a breath and then make a cut. I ignore the little bit of blood and make another, then one more just as the door opens.
I immediately turn around and drop the knife, finding Zayn staring at me wide eyed. “Tell me you were not doing what I thought you were.” He says as he comes to my side. I say nothing as he looks at me. “I’m sorry.” I whisper, unable to go higher. Zayn goes inside and tears stream down my face.
He comes back a minute later and he cleans my arm, then wraps it with a cloth. “Why?” Zayn asks me. “I heard her.” I manage to say. His hands go to my face, staying on my cheeks. He moves closer to me as he does. “Rose look at me.” Zayn orders me. I have no choice but to. His almost teary eyes looking into my tear filled ones. His expression strong and filled with hurt, all because of what I just did.
“Stop listening to her. She doesn’t mean anything and she doesn’t know a single thing about you and me. Lauren doesn’t give a damn and she never will. Your letting her and her words go to you head and to your heart. I can’t see you like this. Lauren doesn’t mean shit and she never will. I’m in love with you. Everything about you. You’re beautiful and you mean the world to me. I’m gonna show you everything and I’m gonna give you everything. I don’t care what the people say about you and me. What’s love is love and I’m not losing you. I’m not gonna hurt you in anyway and I’m not gonna watch you hurt yourself.”