Confessions of Being Me....

This may contain curse words, some suicidal stuff, cutting, and other things so if you aren't comfortable with this please go read something else


30. Confession #23

 I don't trust easily.
There are many few people that I trust. It's hard for me to trust people, because you never know who they really are. I use to trust someone very VERY much. Once day we made a deal he said if I help him get something he'll help me get something in return. I said " fine" and the deal was sealed. That deal lasted for 2 months. After he got what he wanted to get, which I helped him get. He told me the most heart breaking things....I can never forget that day. He was a person I really trusted and so was his friend. They both betrayed me. They told me the most heart breaking things....I cried so much, they were my best friends....

Because of that, I have had trouble trusting people. At the moment I only trust 3-4 people....that's a few people. That's why sometimes I lie to many people about many things. those 3 people that I trust have not always been there with me through it all, but they understand me...I use to trust about 6 to 8 people, it's gotten lower and still gets lower. I don't want to hurt anyone by saying I don't trust them. It's not that I don't, it's just the way I feel. I think trusting in less people is better...that way I can't ever get hurt again, even though I know I will keep getting hurt no matter what I do.

If I stop cutting, stop trying to kill myself, stop everything, I'm still going to get hurt and I'm still going to fall apart and die on the inside.

But...all I have been trying to make my self strong...that's all I try to do...

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