Take Me Home

A summary of depression and anxiety.

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1. Take Me

I state my plea upon my knees and beg for mercy, don't make me stay any longer, please you mustn't, life has been so cruel and it's sick games I will play no more, I tried my best to withstand it's sickening irony but I just cannot bear to awake to another nightmare. Death has looked into my eyes once or twice before, but never with the sympathy he bared in his usually emotionless face, will he finally show me what is next, will he let me go home to my angels? To be this close to my home, my family, gave me a feeling I have felt not to my memories, I can't go back there. I can't awake once more. I cannot be alive in a hell when I can be dead in a heaven. Death sat tall on his throne of souls, will he finally see that I am not a foe and allow my happiness which was stolen from me the day life showed it's dark side. The thought of returning to my life only to be a burden to those I cherish taunts me, I keep re-taking this test that is life over and over and I'm stuck in the exam hall with the faces of my disappointed loved ones towering down at me, I cannot return. Life is an option no longer, Death is my salvation, my light at the end of the 1000 mile tunnel filled with the ghosts and demons of my mind. I belong somewhere other than this meaningless cycle of life.

Take me, Death. Please you must, my words, they're nothing compared to the pain I feel inside, please make my shell vacant and take my soul to someplace I can feel whole. I can feel myself dying, I feel as my insides are wasting away, you mustn't leave me here to rot, please welcome me into your comforting arms and allow me to my light. I simply cannot bear to take another breath.

I wonder if Death will sentence me to life or allow me to be free of the chains that keep me on this earth. A chance is all I want, to prove I am worthy of Death, to prove myself worthy of such a precious gift. I can see the thoughts rushing through his head, the changing expressions in his eyes, this is a first. Never before have I witnessed Death give mercy to any lost souls, let alone one as pathetic as mine. Maybe he empathises with me, or maybe he is sick of my persistent desire for him. All I need is for him to grant my wish, allow me through the doors to heaven. Whatever is after life it cannot be worse than life itself, no monster or ghoul could beat life's level of cruelty and despair. I know my last hope lies within his heavy hands, will he throw it into his fire or accept my request and save me from this monstrous beast that is life?

Death I know you must have errands of more importance to my small plea but a please take me. You must take me.

These mortals are not like me, I do not belong here and my heart aches with the loss of my soul who's passing is a memory so distant that I can feel all hope of it returning falling through my bony fingers like sand. I wish for the smallest ounce of remorse from death, will he understand? I once detested his actions towards livings beings, I would wonder how he could be in so many places at once, how he could take one life after another and feel so guilt. But I understand now, he is a gift and those lucky enough to unravel the bow wrapped wround him are those who i envy most. I used to wonder how Death could do what he so beautifully does, but now I wonder how people can fear him, and scorn him, he is a beauty. He is a beautiful thing, and I am so glad that I am amongst those sad enough to appreciate a creation so beautiful as Death. My bones ache, as does my heart and my mind, and my eyelids that I am forced to open every morning. I need a rest. I need a slumber long enough to cure my fatigue, the only slumber possible for me is Death, and my fate lies at his powefull fingertips. What will he decide for me?

Death, I long for your kiss upon my lips that takes me from this hell, take me away, take me home. I am too tired to bear another day here. You musn't leave me here alone, I can't bear to look another disapointed, upset loved one in the eyes. Please save my bones and my heart and my eyelids and take me. You are not a painful truth, you are a beautiful truth, a beautiful salvation. Please, take me home.

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