6. Free Now.
"Wait what?" I stare at Luke. "Like right in front of her?" He nods. I start to laugh. "Oh god. Oh thats great. Wow. Thats perfect. He fucking made out with a girl in front of her!" I almost fall to the ground I'm laughing so hard. "Dude its not funny." I keep laughing trying to control my laughter. "She fucking deserves it. This is what she deserves. I hope it feels good. I hope her heart is broken. I hope she feels as bad as I do mate. I'm glad this is happening to her." Then I hear someone clear their throat. I turn to see Ariel standing the doorway. "I... I'm sorry I'll just leave." Even if I am pissed off. Even if I feel like she deserves this. It hurts me to see her like this. I sigh. Her face is all swollen from the tears her hair is a mess. She just looks... Awful. I mean she's stoll beautiful but wow.. I watch her turn around and start to walk away. Before she's turned all the way around I see more tears start to roll down her cheeks. Luke glares at me then runs off to get to Ariel. I sigh hitting my face. I walk over to the wall and start to hit my head on it. "I'm so stupid.."
"Yes you are." I walk into the room staring at Michael. "Why would you say that?" He sits down on the bed. "You're being such a dick.. If you loved her as much as you say you would comfort her." He sighs. "Do you even know why she left?" He puts his head in his hands. "No.. Thats why it hurts to most.. We had a great day.. Hell.. We had a great week.. Even a little before we were like in trouble and everybody was split.. We found you guys. We were happy. We were having such a great night. I'd never seen her smile so much... Then she left.. She disappeared.. Out of nowhere.. I know it was stupid for me to say that it hurts so much to see her upset.. but... it also feels like she knows how I feel.. How I've felt.. Just not as bad.. Its not he left her out of no where.. Its not like she's had nightmares about her leaving for two years.. Its not like she dreads to sleep because she would have to replay that same thing over and over. Her leaving." I close my eyes. "I'm so sorry mate.. I knew it hurt you.. I knew it was bad... But i didn't know it was that bad." I hear him sniffle and I decide I've said enough. "I'm sorry.." I turn and walk out of the room.
I sit down in the floor of my room against the door and cry. I cry because I left Michael. I cry because he hates me. I cry because Ross did what he did. I cry because I feel worthless. I cry because I've lost every good thing in my life. Calum hates me. Ashton is upset because of what I said.. Luke is just trying to be nice to me.. He doesn't like me anymore. I hear knocking on my door but I don't get it. I feel the aching of my wrist. Its been two years. I promised I'd stop for him. I promised myself never again. Its aching so much though. Its drawing me in. With every knock on the door it throbs. With every tear that falls. Its in sync. I can't stand it anymore. I go to the bathroom pulling out the first thing I see. A bottle of pills. Then a razor. I pull the blade out and empty the pill bottle. I slide the blade across my wrist. Twice. Deep. I hear the door open to my room. I know I have to do it know. I put pills in my mouth. I hear my name being called but it keeps getting more distant. I go to shut the door but I'm not sure if I hit it. Everything black. Everything numb. I feel nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing. Its all done now. I'm finally free.