Suicidal Thoughts{Finished}

My hand started to shake as I raised the tip of the gun to my temple. I quickly found a pencil, all of the pre-written suicide notes came to my mind, pages and pages say who exactly made me feel this way- but only a few words were written; I love you, Luke. * TRIGGER WARNING *

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18. 17

Chapter 17

(This story is very complicated lol- I know this is a Hemmings fantic so Luke & Ari will happen again btw)

Dillons' lips felt so perfect against mine, but I couldn't but feel things were a little bit off. It felt like a 7 billion puzzle piece, and there were a few pieces that I thought fit right, but I wouldn't know until the rest of the puzzle was finish. Luke and I felt so right, oh so right. But, had it been fate that Dillon happened to be there, and spill coffee all over me? It occurred to me that that was the exact way I had met Luke. Luke was my first love, it started with some iced coffee. Dillon might be my second and hopefully my last, and he started with hot coffee. Though, I could never be sure. Luke and I ended with a thud. Like when you were younger, and your first handstand knocked the wind out of you. So, you just laid there, with your eyes wide and unable to breath, and that's what it felt like. And that's what a broken heart did. It left you breathless and unable to assemble the pieces.

I looked at Dillon's lips for a moment, before my eyes flickered his his own. Suddenly, it didn't feel right anymore. It didn't feel safe to be sitting here, across from this boy I'd never met. I suddenly didn't want to be here anymore. Maybe it was fate that Liz came in today, to remind me of reality; I still had feelings for Luke. That a part of my life, would always be with Luke. A part of my heart, would always be with Luke.

Or maybe it was fate that Dillon spilled coffee all over me.

I stood up, still staring at him. "I really can't do this," I whispered, shaking my head.

"What, why not?" He asked clear concern sparking in his eyes. "Was that your mom?" Dillon asked, motioning over to Liz.

"No, no," I spoke softly, unable to make eye contact anymore. "I-I'm still... I'm still trying to get over a relationship right now."

As I started to back away from the table, he stopped me. "Wait, Ariana," He said, holding my wrist. "I am, too, maybe we could just be friends?"

Finally, some reasoning I could be okay with. "Yes, that would be perfect."

His lips moved to reveal a set of perfectly white teeth. "Whaddya say we hang out tomorrow?" He asked me taking my phone and punching his number in it.

I gave him a smile, "Okie dokie," I laughed softly. "I guess I better get going, but, like you said, see you tomorrow." It felt like a long while since I met Dillon, we'd hung out almost everyday after. Michael or Ashton would text me occasionally, but I never felt like answering. Luke would only call, but I'd either decline or tell him I was busy at the moment. I didn't know why we all had to keep in contact- it would all be too painful. Everything would remind me of the one relationship that would never work out. We weren't lobsters- we didn't mate for life.

I soon found that Dillon had secretes of his own. He had daddy problems, brother problems; family problems in general. His father always wanted him to be better- to rise above his brother. Whom, by what Dillon described, was pretty perfect. He was athletic, with out being too involved and thick skulled. He was compassionate, with out being too touchy and feely. He had great looks, popular, smart and, well, perfect. However, being in the position where Dillon had to live up to everything his brother did- there might be a little glorifying. He had more secretes than his family problems, it was how he coped with them. He shared with me after I walked in on him lighting it.

Dillon had been sobbing and throwing things around. I eventually got him calmed down to the point where his hand shook minimally when he lit up a blunt. He offered me one several times, but I said no the first couple times. I didn't know how it worked, how expensive it was, or really anything about it. But, I watched him for a while, as we sat around his tv, the way he lifted it to his lips with such attraction. Now, I did one whenever he offered it.

Although, today, he was too upset to do anything. I knocked on his apartment door a few times, before I heard shuffling around and various conflicting noises. I grabbed the key from under the mat, which I must say is the most cliche thing ever, and opened the door.

"Dillon?"

Instead of getting a response, I heard miscellaneous noises and sobs. I found him on the floor of his small kitchen, his back against the cupboard and his eyes red. I couldn't tell if he was high, or upset.

"Dillon?" I repeated, sitting on the floor right next to him. "What wrong, babe?"

He looked relieved to see me, at least I think so. Though, the look went away almost as fast as it arrived. He sobbed harder, and tried to get up.

"No, wait," I murmured, grabbing him and pulling him close. "Just... shhh," I mumbled softly, thinking about what I would want in a situation like this.

I held his head on my chest and ran my fingers through his hair. I hummed softly, letting the sound of my calmed breath calm him.

His head pulled away from my chest and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. "Thank you, Ariana." he whispered, throat hoarse.

"Anytime," I murmured, "Sooo..." My voice droned on, the curiosity edging my voice. "You don't need to tell me, but when you're ready; you should." I got to my feet, and started to go through his refrigerator.

"Y'know when you were younger and your parents used to warn you about drugs because they supposedly ruined your life and what not?" Dillon's voice rang out with a hint of bitterness. I hung onto ever word he was speaking, "I find it funny that drugs are the only thing to get you through the pain."

I looked at him and shut the fridge, "Lets get high," was all I said.

"Great idea, you know where it is."

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