Cuts

Calliah Mullen is the sister to Irene Adler and has always been called the ugly sibling. After hearing it for so long, Calliah believes it and cuts her self to relieve the pain. When see meets Sherlock and John, her views on the world, herself, and her sister change. Will it be for the better or worse?

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35. Chapter 35

Thank you Ariane DeVere aka Callie Sullivan on livejournal for the transcripts. They help so much.

Here is the wedding!

I own nothing, except Calliah and my ideas.

I was sitting at home. Mycroft was at work. He had been working more than usual. The wedding was five months ago and he hadn't been around as much. Most nights I would sit at home alone watching TV. John and Mary were planning their wedding and Sherlock was helping. I felt like I was always in the way when I went over there. So I didn't go over. I talked to Mary sometimes but not as much. I would go to work and talk to Molly but she would just be talking about Tom her new boyfriend person. I was happy with her but she was obsessed about him. I would sit at home and watch movies and most nights I would fall asleep on the couch waiting up for Mycroft to come home. When I woke I would be in bed but Mycroft would be gone. I was getting lonely and going back into my shell.

I was sitting on the couch, watching Doctor Who, when the door opens. I look over and see Mycroft. I grin and go over to him and hug him. He hugs back briefly and then starts walking to the kitchen. "You're home." I say as I follow him. He nods and reheats some of the chicken I made for dinner.

"I'm only staying to eat. I have to go back to work and won't be home till tomorrow." Mycroft tells me.

I frown and cross my arms. "What? Why?"

"My job needs me Calliah." Mycroft says and sits at the table.

"What about your wife that needs you?" I ask.

"Calliah. I have a serious job and I have an important case to do at the moment. I can't always be here. You knew that when you married me." Mycroft says and starts to eat.

"I know I did but I didn't think that it would mean that I would barely see you for five months. I miss you..." I say.

Mycroft sighs and looks at me. "I have to get back to work." He says and gets up.

"You didn't finish eating..." I say softly.

"Not hungry." Mycroft says and leaves. I frown and try not to cry. I should be use to this by now.

Maybe he was having an affair. No. Mycroft wasn't one to cheat. I think. I shake my head and clean up the plate. I go back my Doctor Who and fall asleep on the couch again.

I wake up the next morning still on the couch. So he was out all night. I sigh and start clean the house. I don't know why since I was the only here but it gave me something to get my mind off everything. Lately I have been feeling the same way I did at when I was with Irene, worthless, stupid, and more. I felt like Mycroft was always at work because he didn't want to be home with me. I finish cleaning and go to the bedroom. I go to the bathroom and get out my make-up bag. I start looking for my lip gloss when I see my eye pencil sharpener. It had a blade of it. I haven't cut in a while but the blade was calling to me. I needed to get my mind off everything and the blade would help. I get the blade out of the sharpener. I sit on the toilet and look at the blade. Maybe just one small cut. Just to forget a little. I move up my shirt sleeve and make a small cut. I breathe in and grin. I close my eyes and feel myself calming down. I open my eyes and make another cut. I grin and watch the blood roll down my arm. I grin and clean it up. I grin and put my blade back. That helped me. I get up and put my make-up bag back and go get dressed for work.

After work, I stop by Sherlock’s flat. "Hello Sherlock!" I say as I walk in.

"Calliah? What are you doing here?" Sherlock asks.

"I just wanted to stop by and see how you are doing. I haven't seen you in a while." I say.

"Oh. Well I'm fine. Thanks for stopping by." Sherlock say.

"Oh. Okay. Bye." I say and leave. Maybe I can go to johns for a little. I take out my phone and call Mary.

"Hello doll." I hear as she answers the phone.

"Hello Mary. I was wondering if I could come over for a visit." I ask

"Oh. Well John was going to take me out tonight. You can join if you want." Mary says

Be a third wheel yeah no. "Um I'll pass. Thanks though. I'll talk to you soon." I say and hang up. Molly had plans so I wasn't going to try her. I sigh and head home. When I get home I see my Mycroft's car out front. I grin and rush inside. "Croft?" I call out. I rush to the bedroom and see Mycroft packing. I frown and stop. "Were are you going?" I ask.

"The prime minister wants me to go to America for a week." Mycroft explains.

"A week?" I ask and go and sit on the bed. "Am I going too?"

"No." Mycroft says and shuts his bag. "It isn't a vacation Calliah."

"I know but we haven't been seeing each other and well I thought..." I start to say.

"Just thought you would tag along and be a bother." Mycroft interrupts.

I tear up. "You think I'm a bother?" I ask.

"Sometimes." Mycroft says and starts heading out.

"Are you having an affair?" I call out.

Mycroft turns around. "God Calliah. You are so ignorant. I'm not having an affair. I'm working. I'll be back in a week." Mycroft says and leaves. I curl up and cry myself to sleep.

The next day I wake up and sit up and look around. “Mycro-“ I start to say before I remember that he was gone. I sigh and lay back down. I didn’t feel like getting up or do anything so I called Molly and told her I was taking a day off.

I laid in bed for a couple hours, just staring at the wall. I was thinking about Mycroft and why he was always gone. I get up and go to the bathroom and when I was washing my hands I see my make-up bag. I stare at it and bite my lip. Should I? I shouldn’t… I shake my head and grab my blade and go back to bed. I lay on my side and place the blade on the bed in front on me. I stare at it. I shouldn’t do it but I needed to stop thinking so much. I needed to relieve my mind of all the thoughts and needed quite. I move my arm out and pull up my sleeve. I see the scars from the last time. I grab my blade and slowly run the blade over my arm and grin. I watch the blood flow down my arm. I do it a couple more times and lay on my back. I let the calmness roll over my body and I can finally not think. I close my eyes and end up falling asleep.

I wake up to my phone ringing. I groan and move my arm to get my phone and I feel pain. “Shit!” I yell and look down. The blood had dried on my arm and some had got on the bed. Shit. I roll over and grab my phone and answer it without looking at the ID. “Ello?”

“Why aren’t you at work?” I hear.

“Wait, who is this?” I ask.

“It’s Sherlock. I came to talk to you and you aren’t here.” He says.

“Yeah, I took a sick day.” I tell him and stand up. I remove the blanket and start taking it to the washer.

“I’m coming over.” He tells me.

I freeze. “W-What? No.”

“I’m almost there. Unlock the door so I can just come in.” Sherlock says.

“Okay…” I say and hang up. I run and put the blanket into the wash and start it. I run to the bathroom and wash my arm off. I close my eyes at the pain but I get over it. I dry it off and roll my sleeve down. I run and unlock the door and go to the living room and start a Doctor Who episode. I pant as I slow my breathing down. I needed to seem calm and normal. Sherlock will discover that I am cutting again and will tell Mycroft. I don’t want to be more of a hindrance. I hear the front door open and I look over to see Sherlock. I smile. “Hey Sherlock.”

He walks over and sits by me. “Where is Mycroft?”

“America.” I say and look at the TV.

“Why? And why aren’t you with him?” Sherlock asks.

“Oh, I needed to stay here.” I say and shrug.

“So you can stay home and do what?” Sherlock asks.

“I just wasn’t all good today. I wasn’t thinking right and knew I wouldn’t get any work done if I went to work.” I tell him, still not looking at him.

“Are you sleeping with someone else?” He asks.

I turn to him and glare. “How dare you even ask that!?” I yell.

He looks at me and nods. “Had to check. You never not work.”

“I just needed some me time.” I tell him and frown. I look back at the TV.

“What is going on?” Sherlock asks.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Mycroft and you.” Sherlock says.

“Nothing is going on.” I lie.

“Lie.” He says.

I sigh and bring my knees to my chest. “I have no idea, Sherlock. When we got back from our honeymoon, Mycroft went to work and then hasn’t stopped. He is never home…” I say softly. I tear up and look away.

“He is never home?” Sherlock asks.

“Just forget it Sherlock.” I say and wipe my eyes and look at him. “What did you want?”

He looks at me. “Calliah, what is wrong?” He asks softly.

“Nothing. What did you want?” I ask and look down.

“Um… can you help me with my best man speech?” He asks.

“Why me?” I ask.

“Well, John just said to not embarrass him. Mary said to speak from the heart. Molly said to not be myself. I don’t know what to write. Your vows were good so maybe you could help.” He explains.

“Well, do what Mary said. Speak from your heart.” I tell him.

“How?” He asks.

“Um, well tell people what John means to you and how happy you are for the couple. You did at my wedding so yeah.” I say.

“Okay.” He says and nods. “Would like to have lunch with me? Get you out of the house?”

“Um… sure.” I say and stand up.

Sherlock stands and we leave. We go to Angelo’s and have lunch. We eat in comfortable silence. We leave the restaurant. “I should get back…” I say softly.

He turns me to him. “Calliah, if you need to talk, come to me okay?”

“Yeah, I will.” I say and hug him softly. I go back home and move the blanket from the bed from the washer to the dryer. I sit on the couch and sigh. I lay down and watch Doctor Who.

It was three months after that day, and also John’s wedding day. I was going to pick up Sherlock and then we were going to the wedding together. Mycroft said that he was too busy and didn’t need to be there and then went into his office at home. I knock on the door and hear Mycroft tell me to come in. I walk in. “I’m leaving now.”

“Fine. Good.” Mycroft says, not looking up.

“D-Did I do something wrong?” I ask.

“What?” Mycroft asks and looks up. He freezes for a moment and then looks back down.

“Did I do something wrong? To make you mad?” I ask and move closer to the desk.

“No. Just go Calliah.” He says softly. I nod and leave.

I get to Sherlock’s flat and go up and hear the violin. I go in and see Sherlock practicing dancing. I smile and go to sit down, when he grabs me and starts twirling around. “No.” I say and laugh. “Sherlock.” He doesn’t let me go and so we keep dancing. After the song end, he bows to me and I curtsy. He looks over at someone and I turn and see Mrs. Hudson smiling.

“Shut up, Mrs. Hudson.” He says.

“I haven’t said a word.” She says.

“You’re formulating a question. It’s physically painful watching you thinking.” Sherlock says.

“I thought it was you playing.” Mrs. Hudson comments.

Sherlock gestures to a music player on the dining table. “It was me playing.” He says and picks up the remote control, switches off the music play and bends down to make a notation on the sheet music lying on the table. “I am composing.”

Mrs. Hudson puts a tray onto the table beside John’s chair. “You two were dancing.”

“I was road-testing and Calliah happened to be here.” Sherlock says. I nod and sit down. I was just there.

“You what?” Mrs. Hudson asks.

Sherlock throws down his pen and turns to her. “Why are you here?”

“I’m bring you your morning tea.” Mrs. Hudson explains. She pours some milk into the teacups. “You’re not usually awake.”

Sherlock sits down into his chair. “You bring me tea in the morning?”

Mrs. Hudson pours the tea. “Well, where d’you think it came from?!”

“I don’t know. I just thought it sort of happened.” Sherlock says.

“Your mother has a lot to answer for.” Mrs. Hudson says. She hands me a cup and saucer. I nod to her. She brings a cup and saucer to Sherlock.

“Mm, I know. I have a list. Mycroft has a file.” He says. I frown and look at my hands. I wish Mycroft was here.

Mrs. Hudson looks at me. “Where is Mycroft?”

“Um… working.” I say softly. I look up and see they were both frowning at me.

“That’s too bad dear.” Mrs. Hudson says. I can hear the pity in her voice and I look down. I didn’t want pity. God I hate this.

I get up. “I’ll be back.” I say and go to the bathroom. I get my blade out of my bag and frown. I didn’t want to use it today, but I was going to be pitied all day. I would be asked where Mycroft was and then when I say working, they will give me their sad pity eyes and I can’t take it! I sit down and move my skirt up some. I make a four cuts and close my eyes. Calmness was rushing through me. I look down and grin. I had been cutting more often but it helped. I felt better and was going to be okay. I clean up and put my blade back. I look in the mirror and smile. I go out and see Mrs. Hudson sitting in John’s chair. I go over to the couch and sit.

“Mmm. Anyway, you’ve got things to do.” Sherlock was saying.

“No, not really. I’ve got plenty of time to…” Mrs. Hudson says.

“Biscuits.” Sherlock interrupts sternly.

Mrs. Hudson gets out of the chair, tutting. She walks towards the door. “I really am going to have a word with your mother.”

“You can if you like. She understands very little.” Sherlock says and closes the door on her. He turns and sighs. He looks towards John’s chair and then me. He frowns and sits by me. “You okay?”

“Mummy Holmes is very smart.” I say, not wanting to talk about me or Mycroft.

“I know but that isn’t what I asked. What’s wrong?” Sherlock says.

“You should go get ready.” I say. He sighs and shakes his head. He places a hand on my knee and then goes to his room.

Church bells peal and Mary and John, newly married, walk out of the church. I sit there and wait for everyone to leave. Greg sees me and walks over. “Come on Calliah.” He holds out his hand. I take it and he helps me up. We leave the church and the photographer wants a photo. Sherlock and John pull me over for a photo with them. I smile as the photographer takes the photo. Sherlock and I walk away so John can take more photos. The bridesmaid comes over to us.

“The famous Mr. Holmes! I’m very pleased to meet you. But no sex, okay?” She says.

Sherlock looks startled. “Um, sorry?”

She starts laughing. “You don’t have to look so scared. I’m only messing. Bridesmaid, best man… It’s a bit traditional.” She says and gently punches his arm. “Anyways, I see you brought a date.” She looks at me and holds out her hand. “I’m Janine.”

“Oh, I’m not his date. I’m Calliah Holmes, his sister-in-law.” I explain and shake her hand.

“Oh, where if your husband? I would love to meet the brother of Sherlock.” Janine says.

“He’s at home. Work commitment.” I explains and then see Janine give me the pity eyes.

“Sorry about that.” She says. I shrug and look away. I feel Sherlock look at me.

“Well, Janine, if you are looking for that sort of thing…” Sherlock says and jerks his head towards one of the wedding guests. “…the man over there in blue is your best bet. Recently divorced doctor with a ginger cat, a barn conversion, and a history of erectile dysfunction.” Sherlock blinks. “Reviewing that information, possibly not your best bet.”

“Yeah, maybe not.” Janine says.

Sherlock looks puzzled. “Sorry – there was one more deduction there than I was expecting.”

“Mr. Holmes…” Janie starts to say. She takes his arm. “…you’re going to be incredibly useful.” Sherlock looks down at her hand and frowns. I slowly move away and sit on a bench close by. I watch as Sherlock walks by Mary and John, who were thanking people for coming as they go into the banquet. I see a man walk up and freeze up when he sees Sherlock. He waves briefly to Mary and John looks round at Sherlock with a curious expression. More people go through. A young kid, who was the page boy, runs straight to Sherlock and hugs his arms around him, smiling happily. Sherlock looks awkwardly down at him. A woman comes over and they start talking. Sherlock pats the young boy’s head. Sherlock unwraps the boy from around him and gently pushes him towards the entrance. The boy and the woman go in. I get up and sigh. I should get in there. I go up and Mary hugs me.

“Oh, Calliah. I’m so happy you came.” She says and I hug her back. I put on my fake smile and look at her.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I say and John hugs me. I hug back and then go inside. I drop the smile and find my seat. I was sitting next to Molly and Greg. Oh good. More people to pity me and for me to have to pretend to be happy around. I sit down as Molly canoodles with Tom, her boyfriend. She was repeatedly kissing his cheek. Tom indicated that the photographer is approaching us, and she turns and smiles into the camera while he takes some pictures. Molly makes me take a photo with her and so I smile my fake smile.

“Nice.” The photographer says and moves on. I drop the smile and look around. A lot of people. I’m glad. I see John and Mary stand around. Sherlock and Janine were standing together a short distance away from John and Mary. I get up and start walking over.

“Can I keep you?” I hear Janine say.

“D’you like solving crimes?” Sherlock asks.

“Do you have a vacancy?” Janine asks. Sherlock’s eyes drift over to John and then sees me. He smiles and pulls me over.

“Look its Calliah.” Sherlock says.

“Hi. Molly was being all couple-ly with Tom, so I thought I would join you.” I tell him.

He nods and Janine looks around. “I’m going to find some more guys for you to tell me about.” She walks away.

Sherlock puts a hand on my lower back and leads me to Mary. “So that’s him. Major Sholto.” He says to Mary. His voice sounds disapproving.

“Uh-huh.” Mary says and smiles at me.

Sherlock narrows his eyes as he looks at John and Major Sholto. “If they’re such good friends, why does he barely even mention him?”

“He mentions him all the time to me. He never shuts up about him.” Mary says.

“About him?” Sherlock says.

“Mm-hmm.” Mary says. She takes a drink from her wine glass, then grimaces. “Urgh, I chose this wine. It’s bloody awful.”

“Yes, but it’s definitely him that he talks about.” Sherlock says.

“Mm-hmm.” Mary says.

“I’ve never even heard him say his name. Did you ever hear his name Calliah?” Sherlock asks. I shake my head. He frowns slightly at me.

“Well, he’s almost a recluse – you know, since…” Mary says.

“Yes.” Sherlock says.

“I didn’t think he’s show up at all. John says he’s the most unsociable man he’s ever met.” Mary says.

“He is? He’s the most unsociable?” Sherlock asks. I could tell that Sherlock was jealous.

“Mm.” Mary says.

“Ah, that’s why he’s bouncing round him like a puppy.” Sherlock says.

Mary grins and hugs his arm. “Oh, Sherlock! Neither of us were the first, you know.”

Sherlock looks round at her. “Stop smiling.”

“It’s my wedding day!” Mary says.

Sherlock rolls his eyes and pulls free. “Come on Calliah.” We walk away.

We walk through the reception room and Sherlock pulls out his phone and presses a speed dial. “Why are you out of breath?.... Either I’ve caught you in a compromising position or you’ve been working out again. Since your wife is here and you haven’t even seen much of her since the wedding, I favour the latter.” I frown and look down. Why was he calling Mycroft. “I need your answer, Mycroft, as a matter of urgency… Even at the eleventh hour it’s not too late, you know. Calliah really wants you here…Cars can be ordered, private jets commandeered…What a shame. Mary and John will be extremely d…Well Calliah will be crushed… I might find her a very hot dance partner that she can have fun with…” I frown and shake my head. He looks at me and frowns. He hands me the phone. I move away and put the phone against my ear.

“Yes?” I say softly.

“Calliah… I… Don’t dance with anyone.” He says.

“Why Mycroft? Don’t I deserve a little fun?” I ask.

“Don’t dance with anyone Calliah!” he says a little angrily.

I tear up and close my eyes. “Mycroft, I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I need you. I wish I could say thing in front of you but I can’t.” I start crying.

“Calliah…” He starts to say.

“No, Mycroft. I need you. I need you to be here. If you don’t come, I will move out.” I say and wipe my eyes.

He sighs. “Calliah… I… I can’t…”

“Then I am moving out. I can’t do this anymore. Please come. I love you but I need you to love me. I need you to stop ignoring me.” I sniffle and look at Sherlock. He was looking at me. “I just need my husband.”

He sighs again and I close my eyes. “I love you too Calliah.” He says softly. I hand Sherlock the phone and rush to the bathroom. I sit in the stall and start sobbing. I hear the door open and I try to stop but can’t.

“Calliah… Come out.” I hear Sherlock say.

I go out and frown. “This is the women’s bathroom.” I say and wipe my eyes.

“I don’t care. Why didn’t you tell me how bad it is?” Sherlock asks. “I know you’ve been cutting again.”

“Sherlock…. It helps…” I say and close my eyes.

I feel Sherlock hugging me. “Oh Calliah…”

“Is he coming?” I ask softly, after I get my crying under control.

“I’m not sure flower. I hope.” He says. I nod. “We need to get out there soon. Do you want me to stay?”

“No. I’m going to do my make-up again and then I’ll be out there.” I tell him.

He holds out his hand. “I want your blade.” I sigh and give it to him.

“Happy?” I ask and frown.

“Ecstatic.” He says and leaves.

I sigh and look into the mirror. My face wasn’t red or anything. I could do my make-up and be good. I wash my face off and look up. I sigh. My marriage might be ending tonight. I might have to get divorced. Oh god. I close my eyes and try not to cry again. I sigh and start doing my make-up. After I finish, after taking thirty minutes, I go out and start walking to the reception.

“Calliah.” I hear behind me and see Mycroft.

“Mycroft.” I say softly. He walks over and kisses me.

After we get done snogging, he leads me to a side room. “Sherlock is making his best man speech in there…” I say.

“We need to talk more than hear Sherlock give his speech.” Mycroft says. I nod. We sit down and he takes my hands. “I have been the worst husband.”

“Close to it.” I say.

“What?” He asks.

“Close to the worst husband.” I explain.

He nods. “Yes. I know I have been. I told my job about you and they weren’t happy. They said that it was something that could be used against me and I wasn’t the guy they thought who would get married. So, to prove that I was still the same man I have been, I took on a lot of work… which was stupid of me.”

“Yes.” I say.

“I know that I have been away for a long time and I know you have been lonely, and it all changes now.” Mycroft says.

“How do I know that is true?” I ask.

“You just have to trust me. I have never lied to you Calliah. I swear I will be better. Please don’t leave me.” Mycroft practically begs.

I sigh and look at him. “I won’t leave the house, but if it goes back to the way it was, I will leave without any warning.” I say.

He nods and kisses me. “I won’t.”

I look down and sigh. “Um… I should tell you something…”

“What is it?” Mycroft ask and brings my head up to look at him.

“I’ve…. Been…. Um, cutting again…” I say softly and look away.

I hear him sigh. “Oh Ardaigh….” He says and brings me into his arms. I start crying. He hasn’t called me Ardaigh since the wedding. I missed the term. He pulls me to his lap and holds me. “I’m so sorry love. I will be a better husband. You will never have to feel this way anymore. I swear.” He says.

“I hope so. I can’t live without you…” I say and look up at him.

“I can’t either. This has been hell for me. Seeing you in this dress almost killed me. I wanted to get up and snog you into next week.” He says and kisses my neck. I giggle and he does it again. “Want to go upstairs?”

“Oh God yes.” I say and we run up the stairs.

We come back down, after our quick ‘dance’, and I was trying to get my hair looking okay. I giggle and look at him. He smiles and kisses my head. “Let’s go into the room. Mary made sure to put an extra space at our table, in case you showed up.” I say and we slowly go into the room as Sherlock was saying:

“But we want something… very particular for this special day, don’t we?” He looks down at his phone and then raises his eyes again. He catches my eyes and winks. “The Bloody Guardsman.” 

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