Harry, darling

Ella and Harry had got married when they were in their twenties, young and hopelessly in love. When Ella dies from a terminal illness that Harry didn't know about, he finds a pile of letter with his name on all of them, informing him to read one a day. Although Ella is gone, her letters keep Harry going as he relives the best moments of their life together.


1. i


I sat on the tired sofa, shifting my weight to the edge with my arms on my knees, my hands clasping each other. The place that used to bring me the most comfort couldn't even give me any in my time of need. "Here you go, love" My mum put on a big, fake smile, gingerly passing me a mug of tea. I nodded in appreciation and placed it on the coffee table. I was at my mum's house, the place I grew up. It was only making me feel worse. I was angry. So angry. Angry that I was sitting here, that my mum was trying to act normal when in reality my whole world has been viciously shattered in front of me. I miss her so much already, my chest hurts. Is this a real heartbreak? I had told myself not to remind myself of it just yet, but I couldn't help it.


{flashback} A WEEK BEFORE


"I can't believe this" I choked as I held her white hand. I looked at it, stroking it with my thumb, as it used to be tanned and soft. 'I'm sorry Harry, I'm so sorry..I don't know what I was thinking" Ella wept, her eyes big with fear, regret and sadness. She had told me approximately an hour and a half ago that she was dying. Dying. She had been suffering with a rare terminal illness and she hadn't told me. She thought it was for the best. I had found her collapsed on the bathroom floor, she was crying and she had been sick and all I could keep imagining in my head was the blood that she had thrown up and the big tears in her eyes. She had never looked so scared and I was the same. Except I still hadn't known. How could I have been so stupid? How the hell didn't I realise. All the times she said she just felt 'a bit poorly'. And here we were now, in the hospital as I sat in a sterile, white, plastic chair, not able to tear my eyes away from her fragile body. She gripped onto my hand as tightly as I gripped hers. She told me in the ambulance, about the illness. It didn't seem real, I didn't understand how this could have happened.

"Harry...please say something" She whispered, bringing me back to reality. I couldn't look at her without crying. She was my wife, and I was going to be alone. She was 25. "This can't happen" I said, through my tears. She just kept apologising. "Why didn't you tell me Ella?" I whispered. "I didn't want you to worry" She replied quietly. "Worry? At least we could have come to terms with it together! You've just sprung this on me now, what the hell am I supposed to do? Or say? This feels like a nightmare, this can't be true" I shouted, losing my temper. "Harry baby, this is happening. I wanted you to remember my last few months as me. Not a patient...please don't shout" She told me. I sighed and rubbed her hand. "I'm sorry" I whispered. "I love you Harry, I love you so so much and I need you to carry on being the amazing man you are" Ella said. I dropped my head, as the tears came back. How could I live without her? 

"I love you too, I love you more than anything in the world baby" I replied as I stood up and kissed her, unknowingly for the last time.

----------------------- flashback ended -----------------------


"Harry, it will be okay love" I subconsciously heard my mum say. I turned my head and looked at her, my eyes burning with tears. "No mum, it won't. It's not okay now, it won't be okay tomorrow, and it won't be okay next week. It will never be okay, I will never be okay without her" I yelled, before feeling myself crumble. I finally let myself really cry, sob even. My mum didn't say anything, she just sat next to me and let me cry into her as if I was a little boy again. I could hear her crying a bit too - Ella was her daughter-in-law, a part of the family. "I can't do this mum" I cried, as she rubbed my back, trying to soothe me. 

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