Every car that zoomed past, I felt more and more negative about the whole situation. Why can't we just say sorry and go back to Ari's? I looked next to me at Niamh who was looking up at me with her crystal greeny-blue eyes. She was falling asleep with the movement of the car. Sam was in Austin's car, not that we couldn't bare to be in the same car, there's just no room.
I sighed. I wanted to see Dad, give him a hug and tell him everything. I looked at the two carry seats. I never imagined that I'd be coming home with two babies a year ago, never in a million. I had a text from Sam,
Christina, give them a kiss from me please
And that was that, like he didn't care. I'm sure he did, but if he really wanted to show that he gave a damn, he should come and say goodbye. Hopefully not the last goodbye, but after last night, I'm not sure Sam loves us as much as I thought he did. I never should of agreed to that meal, though I wouldn't have had it any other way. I needed to know before me and Sam went any further, with marriage even. It may have been different if I hadn't have known about it. Addie, my 'best friend', lied to me for years. I knew she was being too nice about Sam in the bathroom, she knew I'd find out. I wouldn't be surprised if they've been texting each other since we moved in. I trusted Sam so dearly, I knew him so well, at least I thought. I changed my mind now. I fell in love with Sam, proper love. Not just the silly little 'I Love You' after going out for a day, No. I was in love. Do I still love him? A part of me does, inside, because I can't just fall out of love after a few hours. The next time I glanced, Niamh was asleep, I pulled her blanket over her arms and peered at Riley. He was asleep aswell. I'd fed them some 'lunch' before we came out, they had mashed banana. I started weaning them about a week ago, it's been pretty easy. They'll need a bottle when they get there though. Yes, I did move on to formula now, breastfeeding was getting a little difficult.
I looked at my phone for no reason, I was sort of hoping Sam had text me, but he hadn't. I feel like I'm up and down, and I can't figure out my feelings. One second I hate his guts, the next I love him. I try to take my mind of it by closing my eyes and trying to fall asleep but that made it worse. I just started to recall everything in my head. If he really loved me he would have apologized last night, but I wouldn't have expected him to get down on his knees and say sorry. It's been too much of happy families, too much.
"You okay then chick?" Ari asked looking at me from the mirror.
"I'm okay. I can't wait to get home though." I smiled slightly and put my head back on the black seat. I looked out the window again. All my life had been him, Sam. School, fitting in, friends, Addie. Now all that matters is Riley and Niamh. Suddenly, all the build up of tears from the meal, last night and the past year came out. Came out everywhere. I put my head in my hands, whimpering. Ari pulled over immediately. She got out and hugged me tightly.
"Come here chick." I cried for about twenty minutes, explaining to Ari how upset I was. And
I was killing inside.