Fallen

A Supernatural/Castiel/Kinda Destiel poem that I wrote because I needed to write something and I had Supernatural on the mind. Spoilers I guess? (I'm not very confident about this. I'm not sure I like it. I might delete it in five minutes. Heads up)

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1. Fallen.

Eons.

Millenia.

Centuries.

That is how long I’ve watched 

over God’s creation,

doing his will,

following his orders,

obeying without question.

 

Praying.

Searching.

Reflecting.

Nothing could answer the questions

I held in my heart;

nothing could give meaning,

give me peace,

give me comfort. 

 

Until-

Broken.

Shattered.

Devastated.

I found him there in the darkest place,

a light so bright, so good

he was a vessel;

he didn’t belong,

so I raised him.

 

Confusion.

Longing.

Concern.

I didn’t know what I was feeling,

it started out so slow.

A tingling here,

a yearning there,

but I was oblivious.

 

Orders.

Commands.

Directives.

I was reminded of who I was,

of what I was and why

I couldn’t get attached,

I couldn’t serve him,

I couldn’t love him.

 

Desperation.

Honor.

Rebellion.

I was reminded of who I should be,

of why I was fighting,

and I rebelled.

I fell.

For him.

 

Corruption.

Greed.

Evil.

I forgot my mission, my goal

and yearned for power,

to become my father,

to take his place;

I was wrong.

 

Loyalty.

Caring.

Forgiveness.

I was brought back undeservedly,

and somehow accepted,

forgiven and cleared,

in all eyes but mine.

I needed penance.

 

Rescued.

Manipulated.
Controlled.

I tried so hard to do what was right,

to stay faithful to my friends,

those who stood by me,

but I didn’t know.

I couldn’t.

 

Mistakes.

Consequences.

Regret.

I was stupid, I tried too hard

and all that came of it 

was pain, suffering,

anger and loss 

as the angels fell.

 

Lost.

Confused.

Helpless.

I lost my grace, my wings, my purpose.

All I had left was my friends,

until even they left me,

but I was okay,

I was human.

 

 

Hurting.

Feeling.

Stealing.

I was new to it all - the pain, the emotion.

Losing my grace left me open,

vulnerable but amazed,

and I could understand

so much more.

 

Guilt.

Sadness.

Worry.

I failed him, I wasn’t there

when he needed me most

when he lay dying,

the demon darkening

his beautiful eyes.

 

Fear.

Relief.

Happiness.

I was so glad to have cured him,

to see the man I knew return,

but he was not alright,

not yet.

Not ever.

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