The first day of school, is one of the hardest days of the year. You have to meet new students, teachers, grading policies, updated rules, and most of all trying to find out which people are still your friends. It's all so complicated, all so confusing. But for me the friend part will be the hardest part of all, since I just moved to a whole new city. Oh joy... my sisters company moved her the heart of New York city we live in residential area but it's still crazy.
I am going to a public school called North Ridge Academy, I looked into the dense history and found out it used to be a private school and recently became public due to lack of students applying to enter the academy. Since then the small student body of 150 students exploded to a total of 5000 students. Entering from all parts of the city, students had dorms parents could rent out for them so they could have a "quiet" place to study and sleep if they couldn't get home due to subway, bus, or car trouble.
But personally I hate the fact I had to be moved across the country, after my parents disowned me and I had to live with my sister. My parents I think love to disown their children, first my sister Evangeline then me. Evangeline was a straight A student who was getting accepted to prestige colleges, but then she had one mess up. She got drunk one night and hooked up with a guy then poof pregnant. She got an abortion but my parents never forgave her, they disowned her and she went off to Stanford University, then got picked up by a massive programming company almost immediately and is a manager of 3 different sections of the company.
I wasn't as perfect as her though, I had been having problems with drugs, boyfriends, girlfriends, parties, and grades. I was failing 3 of my classes, in an extremely abusive relationship, and getting high and or drunk practically everyday. My favorite way to forget the world was to smoke weed, or snort pills it was the only way I knew. I hated myself for it, but I loved the addiction, I craved it every second of the day. My parents hung the success of my sister over my head everyday. Though the next minute they would saying how she was a failure and a shameful expression of what are family stood for. Then they would scream at me and say I was sinful and was never going to amount to shit. They became my reason for hating the world and not caring about my body and what I did to it. Then my Sophomore year of high school they got sick of my behavior and disowned me, and my sister took me in and put me into a rehab center for my drug and drinking problem. She didn't mind the weed part but she wanted me to get help for my pill issues. Now all the pill bottles are counted and locked into a safe in her room. Just so I can't relapse.
Now as I hear my alarms scratches into my ears causing a gash like feeling into my brain and its circuitry. I slam my hand onto the phone and swipe the screen to turn it off. My head is spinning, I got no sleep again. For the past 3 months my withdraws from pills and alcohol have been causing insomnia. And I have only been getting at a maximum amount of 2 hours of sleep each night. Smoking pot isn't helping it either, I could smoke 2 bowls and it still wouldn't be enough. And I don't have the cash for 2 ounces worth on hand ever, so...
I sit and look at my ceiling of my room in the apartment. My sister gave me my own part of the dual apartment section she owns. I drag myself out of bed and walk out into my living room thing I have in this little studio basically. Walking to the bathroom I close the door and turn on the shower, I feel for the water to heat up strip and hop in. Letting the hot water wash over me as I rinse my hair, shave, and the jump out. I put a towel on my hair and walk out of the shower, to my room sector letting the bead door fall over my body I grab clothes and throw them on the bed then get dressed. I look at myself in the mirror I have, the black lower cut top fits to my thin body the white lace on the neckline and the tank top straps. My red tole shirt goes out like a tutu almost, with my black torn tights and blood red doc martin boots. I pull on my studded leather jacket and then pull up my natural jet black hair into a high pony tail. I turn to my bedside table and open the drawer, I grab a pen and place it under the drawer to open a secret compartment, I grab my pipe and my small tin with a plastic bag filled with white tissue paper and weed. I grab enough to fill the pipe and light it. I take in a long drag and open my window and then let it out. I sit on my bed and smoke until the bowl was nothing more than memory. It takes almost twenty minutes to finish, It was a pretty medium amount for a morning of the first day of school. I look in the mirror my body a little bit fuzzy looking along with the edges of the mirror. I spray myself with a strong sweeter smelling perfume and place eye drops in to cover the red eye. I grab my things and place them back into the hiding spot and let my window stay open to air out the smell of the room. I walk to my door grab my bag and pop a piece of gum into my mouth. I check the time on my phone, school starts in twenty minutes time to start walking to the hell academy.
I walk out my door and begin walking down the street, the school is only a normal 5 minute walk from my apartment, but when you are stoned a 5 minute walk can turn into a 20 minute walk pretty easily. I reach the school in 15 minutes, and a panic sets in, I try to blow it off and calm myself down, but I realize I am in a panic high. Damn it, I thought it would be a calm one today. I walk to my first class and sit in the back of the room farthest from the teacher, and begin to tap my foot to help the anxiety. The fear of getting caught high in stoned is killing me, I feel like every kid who walks into the room knows exactly what is wrong with me. I am ready to scream bloody murder. Another kid who is stoned walks into class he is saying 'hey' the other kids, and he takes a seat next to me. He takes one look at me and knows exactly what is up. I glance at him, he has gelled up light brown hair, and dark brown eyes. He is a jock build and holds himself like the king of the school.
"Hey look take these and you won't feel panicked anymore." He says slightly slurring his words. And he hands me 2 little pink pills meant for anxiety probably. I grab them and pop them without anything to wash them down. He just looks at me and nods with a perma smile on.
The bell rings, and the teacher walks in she is younger for a teacher, and acts like the worlds biggest bitch known to man. I roll my eyes as she writes her name on the board and begins to go over the class policies. I lean back in my chair and begin to fiddle with my skirt mindlessly, the bell rings and I walk to my next class. After about the 4th class I go to the high begins to wear off, and I feel my head sobering up. I sigh as I go to my last class of the day to hear the same thing I have heard from all of the other classes. I walk into the class and I look around, only one seat is left right next to some guy. I sigh and walk to it throw my things onto the ground and take my seat. I sit down and look at the guy, he is wearing a band tee shirt of one of my favorite bands, Asking Alexandria, he is wearing black male skinny jeans and has flippy hair that falls just above his eyes. A faint glint of silver is on his bottom lip. A small lip piercing it appears to be after I examine it. I look to the front as the teacher announces we have to talk to the person next to us and they are now our partner for all of our projects and discussions so we better like them. He says we have to get to know them find out what they like and become friends with them.
I turn to face him as he is already facing me, I shift uncomfortably under his stormy grey eyes. He flips his dyed black and red hair out of his eyes, and we just sit and exchange glances waiting for one of us to break this silence.
"So my name is Zack." He mutters making the first move.
"Alex, it's nice to meet you Zack seeming as you are my partner for the whole year." I say quietly
"You smell like weed hope you are aware of that." My eyes snap up and I look at him in terror. I reach for my bag and grab a small perfume I carry with me everywhere and spray it on quickly before the teacher can notice then throw it back into my bag.
"Well, thank you for telling me that. I thought I was covered but apparently not. So thanks for telling me." I say my eyes glancing down.
"Welcome and I really don't mind that you smell like it. But the teacher or wrong person could notice and turn you in."
"Well thanks, I wasn't incredibly careful with it this morning."
"I can tell. You seem content with the fact you smelled like it though. Sure you were shocked you did, but you aren't freaking out to much."
"I don't feel obligated to give you that much information. Sorry but I really don't know you all that well."
"I understand that, but since we are supposed to be year long partners I think we will get to know each other quite well. My name is Zack I love bands like Asking Alexandria in fact they are my favorite, I have been going to this school since before it became public, I live in the residential district on the west side of the school. I think you and me could become pretty good friends if you gave me a chance but that all depends on you." Eyeing me he says this, I feel a tightness in my chest rise. My brain goes bat shit insane, I search every section of my head for a response digging up nothing. I just decide to respond with a little personal bio like he did, just to seem interested.
"I live on the west side residential area as well, I just moved here from Washington state with my older sister. I like the same kind of music like Asking Alexandria, but my favorite is Of Mice and Men. And I can't guarantee I would be the best person to become friends with. I am a little fucked up." I mutter in response not bothering to even make myself seem kind in the friends category, he mentioned. I don't want friends only connections. Even if it means pushing people like him away from me.
"Huh, well I am a little fucked up too. And trust me I think you will grow to like me as a friend Alex. Even if you don't think you will yourself in this point in time. How about this let me walk you home since we live in the same area of town. Then maybe we can begin our little partnership." He smiles as the bell rings, this will be a long walk home I think.
We walk to the front gate, my head down to the ground, people I feel like a looking at us as we leave the school. Just how popular is this kid? He doesn't look popular but judging by how many people cat call at him and me I take it he is either being made fun of or is well liked. I look up to see him wave at a group of guys who cat call one of them gives him the thumbs up. He just ruffles his hair with his hand and smiles. He is acting cute and coy with me, and it's annoying. I can tell this guy hasn't had many girl friends but has fooled around with girls hearts unknowingly. I sigh and walk a little bit a head of him. He realizes I walked ahead and jogs to catch up with me.
"Sorry about them, they are just some good friend of mine we have known each other since we started here in preschool. They like to make me feel awkward and do a pretty good job of it." He laughs it off like it is nothing. I just glance up at him and keep walking. Normally I would be flirting up the wall with him, but ever since I moved in with my sister, I haven't been having any flings or relationships. I don't care to.
I keep silent and just nod in response. He looks at me questioningly like trying to decipher a Rubiks cube. Wondering why I am not laughing and flirting and trying to be all social. He want's to figure me out, I can see it in his eyes, wants to know why I am broken inside and what caused me to be as distant as I am.
"Why are you so quiet? I mean it's like you don't want anyone to open you up in the slightest." He tugs me back to face him he looks serious. I mean like I genuinely offended him.
"Because I don't want to be open. That's it, once I open to one person, the whole world will get to see what it is like. That's my answer." I say as I turn and keep walking he rushes up like a lost puppy.
"Not the whole world, only the person you opened up to. Look I don't know what caused you to be like this, I mean I saw you first period and you took the meds that guy gave you no questions asked. Without a second glance at them you popped them like candy. He could have drugged you and you didn't care."
"That wouldn't have been the first time. And I don't care that's the thing. Also, you shouldn't have to know what caused me to be who I am, we are only class partners. Why do we have to be friends?" I ask the question that had been boring down on me since the walk started.
"Because you remind me of how I once was." He looks at me and I realize just how tall he is, I try to keep walking but he drags me to face him. He almost a foot taller than me. And I am not that short, I am just half an inch below average. I maintain eye contact as we stare each other down harshly. He searches for an answer in my eyes as I just lock everything away into the box again. My dark almost black eyes glaring into his stormy grey eyes, reminds me of an action movie or like my picture perfect brother and me.
"How you once were? Really I doubt you went through the same things I did and am going through. I really doubt it."
"Fine then don't tell me but trust me Alex I will get you to tell me one way or another. And we will become friends, whether you like it at first or not. In fact the fight we got into proves that you and me will get along just fine." He smirks his expression changing to a stern look, without one hint of flirtatious gesture or playfulness. Just straight determination nothing more.
The walk to my house carries on the last half a block, then I don't day goodbye and slam my front door. I don't like him, he really pisses me off.
You see the first day of school is always the hardest especially when the partner you will have all year long, is determined like no other to get you to be their friend. And to me that is to exhausting, to even think about.