22nd April 2014.
New York city. The big apple. Where 'dreams' are made for some people. Not for me. It's only been four days since me and Luke fell out. We haven't talked, shared anything, nothing. I stayed in the hotel room with Claire while he stayed with Calum. Ashton and him seem alright, you can tell Ash is still a little pissed off but they're best mates and I guess they can't stay angry at each other for long.
''Jennaaa! We're going clubbing tonight, you wanna come?'' Claire asked all excited and positive. Lucky for her and her stupidly amazing relationship with Ashton, they haven't fallen out once. I guess they're just a perfect couple, and I admit I'm jealous of that. But not when I'm with Luke, only when I'm alone.. Like now.. The breakup has also become official and that's why I have been avoiding social media and the outside for the past 4 days. I just can't bare too know or see what people are saying about us. It would just make me more upset.
And as for my future with Luke. As much as I would love that it's never - stop thinking about that beautiful ass.
''No.'' I voice came out muffled but stubborn from the bed sheets. I like the bed. The bed likes me. We are one and that is why we should never be apart no matter where I am.
''Come on Jen you haven't been out in days.'' Ashton's voice made me jump.
''Has Luke been out?'' I asked already knowing the answer. ''Yes.'' Ashton quickly spoke and I looked up at him staring into his eyes until he broke. ''No.. But-''
''Then there's your answer from me.'' I fell back hiding under the sheets. Man I feel like taking a bath. I've been having them almost twice everyday. They're so relaxing.
''Stop it!'' He snapped and I felt tears prick too my eyes. ''You're ruining your life! Just do something!'' He exclaimed. ''Ashton..'' Claire mumbled but he ignored her and carried on harassing me. Can't he just see that I want to be alone?
''You're fucked up and so is Luke! Just go back together god dammit!''
''Go back together? A-ash just leave me alone...'' I felt yet another warm tear fall down my face. I've probably cried a sea in these past days.
''Fine! Fine! Just don't come crying back too me when you wan-''
''Ashton, go.'' Claire whispered and he tensed before knocking over the chair and leaving. My own brother hates me. Well done Jenna. Well done.
''Just leave m-me alone. Y-you go too.'' I sobbed. ''Well sorry for helping.'' She darted out of the room straight after Ashton and when I heard the door click is when I fully broke down. I'm a monster. I've turned into a monster who everybody hates. Gosh I even hate myself. I need fresh air. I stumbled over too the balcony breathing deeply as I leaned over the side of the balcony.
As I sighed looking around I heard a familiar voice singing along with a guitar..
''I miss you, I miss you... I miss you, I miss you...
Where are you,
and I'm so sorry,
I cannot sleep,
I cannot dream tonight,
I need somebody and always,
This sick, strange darkness,
Comes creeping on so haunting every time,
As I stared I counted,
the webs from all the spiders,
catching things, and eating their insides,
Like indecision to call you,
and hear your voice of treason,
will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
S-stop this pain tonight...''
I turned to face the other way away from who I thought it was. Their crying yet, angelic singing voice made me weep even more than I already was. I was scared to breath in case I broke down into sobs. Slowly the person carried on singing.
Don't waste your time on me,
you're already the voice inside my head,
I miss you, I-i miss y-you...''
From there on all it was was sniffles and gasps as I slowly turned too face the boy I love leaned over the side of the balcony, guitar resting next to him as he sobbed lightly. Was he crying over me? W-why?
Slowly his head turned to face me and for a moment we both just stared at each other with nothingness in the air apart from love. It sounds corny but that's all I could feel, feelings stronger than ever.
''J-jenna...'' He broke completely and I couldn't bare seeing him like this. I ran back inside shutting the balcony door tightly shut so it was locked and I collapsed onto the floor curling up into a ball so I was hid away and small.
I gasped slamming awake from my nightmare, how long was I asleep for. 4 hours? 6? I have no idea but all I could hear was loud music being blasted from next door along with smashes of bottles. Well he's happy... Having a party. Does he not care? He was completely broken earlier? Maybe it's Calum who's making all that noise. I mean it's probably not but why would Luke suddenly do that?
I must of slept through when the boys went too the concert, they probably thought I was dead- wha? A note was laid by my side and I slowly picked it up switching on the light so it was more clear.
I'm staying at Ashton's tonight, see you tomorrow x ~Claire
I let out a sigh and dropped it back onto the floor walking too my room. I didn't like it alone here. It was scary and I just wanted him next too me. But probably not. He's next door probably having the time of his life..
As the music slammed out of the speakers I helped myself to yet another bottle of this weird drink that the hotel supplied. This was fucking amazing, I thought to myself. ''I fucking miss her.'' I sobbed to myself letting my sober side peek through. ''No I fucking don't.'' The other half of me spoke out loud. This was so enjoyable. Drinking and singing to myself.
What was I even listening to? I have no idea, it was awful but I'm just enjoying this pathetic moment before Calum comes back. All the pain is just leaving me every sip of alcohol I take. Just then the stereo stopped and started blasting out another song. One of ours. I was so drunk I couldn't tell what it was at first until What I like about you started screaming. ''NO!'' I shouted throwing my bottle at the wall. This was her song. I wrote this song.. For her..
''What the- LUKE!'' Calum's confused voice shouted and I suddenly felt like I had no energy to do anything. The music turned down and the bottle was snatched from my hand shutting it away into the draw with all of the other alcohol.
''What's going on in here dude?'' His voice came out softer and calmer and I felt the need to talk a load of shit. ''I wan't go go perform! I have to do that! My mums angry and Jenna's not-'' I felt tears come as Calum cut me off. ''Luke go to bed. I'm getting Jenna.'' His voice came out angry yet sad at the same time.
''I want to see her!" I gasped. ''That's why I'm getting her, just go to bed, d-don't move.'' He acted like he was kind of scared of me as I kicked the wall my emotions all mixed around, it was like a vending machine. You never know what you're going to get next. That was so lame. Fuck I want too see Jenna. So bad.
I may update tomorrow morning or if not then it will be on Sunday xox