It wasn't easy getting over Justin. It's never easy getting over someone you truly loved. And it wasn't exactly easy getting over him, when the whole world knew his name and his face was literally everywhere I went. Every kind of stores and social media was poisoned with his name or face.
I spent most of my vacation being outside, enjoying the hot weather and hanging out with Zeke and his cousin Nash, who would take Zeke's flat when he will move to go to his future college. My body had shown me in this time that there was no possibility that I was pregnant and Zeke told me that nothing more happened than what I remembered. Zeke and I got pretty good friends; he called me up later that evening when he had woken up and found his bed only with Katy and him in it.
Nash was a great guy, too. He was like his cousin: athletic, tanned and had a broad smile. They were both funny guys and I was happy about the fact that they were able to distract me from all of the bad things happening in my life: getting over Justin, saying goodbye to Harry, Zayn and Tamina, watching Chaz and Lauren fight.
Justin was still in my head and my heart. But I locked him into a different part of my brain and I really did believe this was for the best. I didn't know how our vacations in Hawaii should look like. After everything that happened... We weren't meant for each other, we weren't good for each other and most important there was no "we". Probably there never really was one... These thoughts were so hard to think and to accept, but they were true. I almost had to cry every time I thought of this, so I stopped thinking about him and me. Now there was only this famous guy I had once known, I had once let way to close to me. I thought I would've known him. But it turned out that there were sides, I hadn't even imagined. It was painful.
Tamina already had a flat near her new college; Candice will take over her position in our cheer squad. Harry was most of the time at her place and we all get along very well, but I missed him. I missed him being there for me, only me. It was wrong thinking that he should be here with me, because I was his best friend and we've known each other for a pretty long time and he lived with me and my family. Tam was his girlfriend and I was happy that he was happy. He deserved it after all. But I couldn't imagine him living in the United Kingdome, miles and miles away from us. I needed him. We all did.
Chaz was still very possessive and Zayn told Lauren she deserved better and she was torn. She loved Chaz, but Zayn was right, everyone knew it. Lauren couldn't talk about their relationship to Candice, so she was talking about it to Zayn, what Chaz and her only got more into fighting. Chaz loved her, but... this kind of love wasn't right. She wasn't his property and thank God, she was aware of that. Lauren fought against the borders he gave her, but he didn't accept that. Everyone could tell that Chaz was very pleased about the fact that Zayn would be gone very soon. In a few hours, to be exact.
It was the last Saturday before school started again. After getting up, I showered and got dressed. Then I went down to the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. Obviously, no one was awake yet, because the kitchen was perfectly tidy. Mom and dad were probably still gone, Matt was probably at Selena's. As far as I knew were only Lauren, Harry, Tamina, Zayn and I here.
Zayn had slept here, much to the dislike of Chaz. But he was Lauren's best friend and I could understand them so well. I would terribly miss Harry and Zayn, too. We got on pretty good.
With a sigh, I turned and jumped. Harry and Tam were super close standing behind me with creepy smiles on their faces.
"My God! Stop it!" I said and they began to laugh.
We had breakfast together and then eventually Zayn and Lauren came down the stairs to join.
At noon we drove together to the airport. We accompanied the boys to the check in before they had to get into their machine. I hugged Harry tightly.
"Take care of yourself, don't mess it up. I miss you already," I said and he smiled at me.
"It'll be fine, don't worry, Mel. I will miss you terribly," he said, and we embraced again.
Then Zayn hugged me and I promised him to take good care of Lauren. Lauren and Tam took a long time to say goodbye properly.
An hour later, Lauren and I were back at home in the kitchen.
We were close though, but it wasn't the way it has always been presented in all the films. She didn’t know everything about me, me neither about her and we were perfectly fine with that. After a short while I retreated to my room and rummaged worn clothing together. This was such a thing with me, it calmed me down and distracted. I ran through the entire house and finally did the laundry found. Then I was bored again. Super. From despair I even began to clean the house. What a Saturday.
When I was cleaning the bathroom, Lauren suddenly stood next to me. Her eyes were still a little bit red.
"Chaz just texted me. He wants to come over, can you tell him that I'm not at home? I don't want to see anyone right now..." she said and I nodded with a small smile on my lips.
"Sure, I understand you," I said and she nodded, before she left again.
Ten minutes later my phone vibrated. I looked at it and it was the app, which my dad had invented in case I ever was home alone. It connected my phone with the door bell and showed me when someone was ringing.
I washed my hands and walked down the long hallway, yelling "I'm coming!"
When I opened the door my smile faded. It wasn't Chaz. Well, yes, it was Chaz, but he wasn't alone. He had Chris and Ryan with him.
"Hi guys, what can I do for you?" I asked, smiling again.
"Hey, I just want to get Lauren, so..." Chaz said and made a step towards me, but I closed the door a bit.
"Sorry, she's not at home," I lied and he looked confused at me.
"But- but Zayn left today, right? She's not with him."
"She has more friends than you and Zayn, Chaz."
"I don't know where she is, okay?" I said and I didn't even lie. I didn't know where she was. She could be in the kitchen, her room, living room...
He nodded and Ryan smiled at me.
"How are you, Mel?" he asked and I smiled back. "I've talked to Justin and-"
He stopped abrupt and they all turned around. I looked past them and Nash was walking up our driveway.
"Hey Mel!" he said and smiled at me.
"Nash, hey!" I said and Chris turned back to me, furrowing his forehead.
"Hi," Nash greeted the three boys and hugged me. "I got bored without you," he said when he let go of me and I laughed.
"Don't forget to take off your shoes," I reminded him and he nodded, as he past me.
We watched as he entered my house and then he looked up and said "Hey Laury, let me-"
I quickly looked back to the boys outside of my house and Chaz threw an angry glance at me.
Before he was able to say anything I looked at Ryan and said "I'm pretty good, thanks for asking, but I have a guest, so... It was nice seeing you guys."
I smiled awkwardly and then shut the door.
"We're coming over, C is kinda freaking out" Chris had just texted me. I sighed and crumbled the sheet with words I had just written. My mind was mixed up; I couldn't work correctly for weeks now. Every single thing I was writing down turned out to be really crappy.
Before I could try again, the door bell rang. I stood up and walked downstairs, so I could let a few of my oldest friends in.
"I can't believe that as soon as Zayn is gone, she's hanging out with another guy!" Chaz said with a very angry face and I sighed.
"Lauren again?" I asked and held the door open.
"If there'd ever be a different topic..." Ryan muttered under his breath and Chris smirked. Chaz stormed into my living room and dropped himself on the couch.
"What happened now?" I asked and sat down next to Chris. Chris sat next to Chaz and Ryan sat down on our armchair, looking at the ceiling.
"Zayn left the country today – finally! – and I wanted to get her, so she'll spend her day with me, but when we got there, Melody opened the door and told us, Lauren wouldn't be at home."
"Okay, so where's the-"
"But then some guy showed up, Nash or something like that, saying that he got bored without Mel and entered their house like he would've done it the whole summer long and then he took of his shoes and said "Hey Laury, let me cheer you up, honey!" and Mel closed the door so quickly that I wasn't even able to blink!"
I could hardly concentrate on the words he said, because A) he was talking very fast and B) he said things about Melody.
I hadn't seen her for a pretty long time and I practically begged my mom to go with them to Hawaii. I couldn't stop thinking about her and after all I understood that my behavior – mainly dating Mandy – was wrong.
Harry told me that Melody was still feeling the same way, but he hadn't told me that she had started hanging out with this Nash dude.
"She also said that she's doing fine, pretty good to be exact and-" Ryan began, but I send him a glare, so he stopped talking.
"I bet this guy is into Lauren!" Chaz started again and Ryan rolled his eyes.
"Maybe he's into Mel and not interested in Lauren," he said and I looked at him.
"Dude..." I started and he shrugged his shoulders.
They knew about my feelings for her, mostly Chaz. I had told them I loved her, I had told them everything.
"Or maybe," Chris started. "He's doing both right now."
"Dude, no!" Chaz and I exclaimed in union and hit him. Chris stood up and looked down at us.
"I have enough of this. Chaz, stop being a jealous dick, that'll make you lose your girlfriend. And you," he looked at me. "Melody can go out and date every single guy she wants, she's single and you're too much of a coward to change that."
"Shut up, Justin, you know I'm right. This is pathetic, both of you are. I'm leaving."
"I'm coming with you," Ryan said and stood up. "Think about his words."
Without another word, they left my house and Chaz and I were alone.
"I'm not a jealous dick," Chaz defended himself and I raised an eyebrow.
"Well, actually-" I began, but my phone started ringing. "Scooter" was written on my display.
"What's up, Scoot?" I asked and Chaz nodded shortly, before he got up. I accompanied him to the door and listened to the things my manager told me at the same time.
"So I only have like twenty minutes to get ready?" I asked and walked up the stairs to my room.
"Yeah, I'll send Kenny to get you. You'll have to perform a few things and talk about current projects. Not a problem, right?" Scooter asked and I opened my belt.
"Nope, absolutely not. Pick out some songs, I'll see you at the set," I said, before hanging up and getting out of my clothes.
I took a quick shower, blow dried my hair and got into fresh clothes. Then I took my phone, some dog tags and my leather jacket, before I left my house and got into my bodyguards car.
We didn't drive long; I had to appear at some talk show, which I had completely forgotten. When we arrived at the set, some of my fans were standing outside and I took a few photos and signed stuff before we headed inside of the huge building.
Kenny and I met Scooter and my group of stylists in my own wardrobe. I slipped into some new clothes, before they started doing my hair and even a bit of make up. Now I was wearing some dark jeans, dark Supras, a white T-shirt, a light white with black parts long shirt above it and my dog tags.
"What am I performing tonight?" I asked as I leaned back in my chair.
Scooter gave me some sheets and said "You'll going to sing "Pray" and play the piano. It's based on your performance on the AMA Music Awards in 2010. Is that okay with you?"
"Sure," I said, taking a look at the lyrics and notes. I was absolutely ready for this performance. At least that’s what I thought.
"Our next performing guest has achieved a lot in his young life! He started at YouTube and now he's one of the biggest musicians of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the one and only Justin Bieber!" one of the speakers said and the curtain lifted.
People were screaming my name even while the speaker was still talking, but when the music started I could barely hear them anymore. I already sat on the stage at the piano, a golden microphone in front of me. My fingers were flying over the clavier; the music was taking me away.
"I just can't sleep tonight, knowing that things ain't right. It's in the papers, it's on the TV, it's everywhere that I go. Children are crying, soldiers are dying, some people don't have a home. But I know there's sunshine behind that rain, I know there's good times behind that pain, hey. Can you tell me how I can make a change? I close my eyes and I can see a better day, I close my eyes and pray. I close my eyes and I can see a better day, I close my eyes and pray."
I took the microphone and stood up. My voice cracked as I started singing again, but instead of showing my anger, I had to stay professional.
"I lose my appetite, knowing kids starve tonight. And when I sit up, cause my dinner is still on my plate. Oh, I got a vision, to make a difference and its starting today. 'Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain, I know there's good times behind that pain, hey! Haven't tell me how I can make a change... I close my eyes and I can see a better day, I close my eyes and pray, oh. I close my eyes and I can see a better day. I close my eyes and..."
While I was singing these lines, I walked over the stage, giving my all for this performance and the meaningful words. But my favorite part was just to come.
So I sang "...and pray for the broken-hearted. I pray for the life not started. I pray for all the ones not breathing, I pray for all the souls in need. I pray... Can you give 'em one today? I just can't sleep tonight... Can someone tell how to make a change?"
I started the refrain again and fully concentrated on my movements. When even my voice was cracking, only this could save this crappy performance now. I had my eyes closed most of the time I was singing and when I was on my knees, singing the last words, I slowly opened them.
"I close my eyes and pray," I sang and the light was dimmed.
The crowd applauded and again some people were crying my name. A small smile crept onto my face and I was surprised as a single tear rolled down my cheek. I made it look like I wanted to get rid of the sweat as I wiped it away and got up. It was getting lighter again and now I could see that the crowd was standing and people were smiling at me and showing thumbs up.
"Wow, what a performance!" a Lady said and I turned to her. She was standing next to a sofa with a big smile on her lips, looking pretty familiar. I knew I was on her show before, but I couldn't remember either her name or the name of the show or when I've been here.
I waved to the crowd and made my way to her.
"Hello, Justin, it's nice to have you here," she said, hugging me.
"Thanks for having me," I said and we sat down.
"I must say, "Pray" is one of my favorite songs of yours! It has such an amazing message, wow. You are so mature for your age," she said and people approved by applauding and whistling.
"Thanks again," I laughed and she send me a big smile.
We talked about the song, my upcoming Christmas Album and a song that was published a few weeks ago.
"Tell us a few things about "Next to you"! What was your inspiration?" she asked and my smile faded a bit. There she was again. Melody.
"It was amazing to record it with Chris Brown; he's an outstanding artist and friend. "Next to you" is about a love that is able to bridge the gap of the problems the involved lovers have to struggle with. Together, they can face everything and everyone, nothing else matters... Alone, they're... lost."
I bit my lip, taking a deep breath. "In this song, both lovers believe that they will make it. That's important for a working relationship. We tried to make this visible in the video. They are able to survive the apocalypse with the help of their strong connection and love, so they should be able to survive everything. They don't need anything else. They just need each other."
"Bullshit," I whispered, staring at the screen.
I couldn't believe I was watching this crap with my sister and Nash. Lauren wanted to watch this show and it was a surprise for all of us as the speaker announced Justin aka the asshole who broke my heart over and over again.
"Pray" was a beautiful song, I had to admit that. Even though I couldn't hear his voice, I read the lyrics as subtitles and watched his performance at the pictures of crying kids and a thoughtful Justin. When the song ended and he was on his knees, I let out a deep breath and sniffed. I hadn't noticed I had been crying. I struck out my tears and by the look of Justin's surprised face and his quick movements, I knew he'd been crying, too.
"So, I guess this song is about your ex girlfriend Selena, even though she's been spotted with her new boyfriend... Is this correct?" the interviewer asked and I bit my lip.
Now Justin cracked a smile and looked at his hands.
"No, I'm sorry, but that's wrong," he said, looking up and I raised an eyebrow. The interviewer was surprised and Justin smiled shyly.
"This song is absolutely not about Selena. We've moved on and we're both happy about the fact that we're still friends."
"Well, what about Mandy?" the interviewer asked now.
Justin's answer had made her insecure. It didn't fit into the script and the things she wanted to say anymore.
"No, it's also not about Mandy," Justin said and the interviewer frowned.
When the song wasn't about his ex and also not about his current girlfriend... who was it about?
"The song is about no specific person. It's just a thought of a relationship I prefer. I want to make a girl feel safe, so she's not afraid of coming to me with every problem she has. I want to know that when I'm taken, I don't need anything except for her."
The interviewer smiled. "Aw, that's nice! But does that mean that you didn't have this feeling before?" she asked and for a second Justin's professional smile faded.
The interviewer nodded and I stared at the screen. What about Selena? What about Mandy? What about me?
She made a gesture that Justin should continue talking.
"There are people out there, judging me, don't believing my words, even though they know me, you know?" he said and the interviewer nodded. Now he looked into the camera.
"I would never lie to the persons who are really close to me. Because when you're close to me, it means that I trust you, that I worship you and that I will never do anything that will hurt you."
"Liar," I said, shaking my head.
"You are a slut" "You whore" – these words would be on my mind forever. I told myself I would cry never again over this asshole, but now he was making me angry. He had gone too far. He didn't dare to say my name, but it was obvious that Justin was talking about and to me. Who did he think he was?
I looked to Lauren and she had her eyebrows raised.
She didn't know everything about Justin and me; she only knew that we got into a big fight and that we stopped seeing each other. Nobody knew about the messages he'd send me, not even Harry. He was miles away by now, I had to learn to live on my own.
I looked at Nash, who had a lose smile around his lips and also an eyebrow raised.
"Well, stop being such a pussy, maybe then you'll be able to find someone besides your mirror reflection who wants you. God, I hate that guy," he said and I chuckled.
He looked at me and added "Wanna get ice cream?"
School started again and I got really lonely.
My brother, my best friend, his girlfriend, her brother and some really cool guys had left our school; I spent the brakes with the cheerleaders instead of the ones I really wanted to see.
Lauren would usually spend it with Zayn in the room where Art took place; now she was sitting with us, avoiding Chaz and his friends.
We both weren't happy about these new circumstances, but we knew that we would get used to it... and we actually did.
It was awkward not having my brother or my best friend at home. Even mom and dad didn't come home more often; only Lauren and I were living in this gigantic house.
Like I said, it was a quite lonely time for me. But I did my best to stay in touch with all the people who had left me recently.
"I miss you so much," I said and Harry laughed. His curls were longer and his skin paler. The weather was like everybody said: very rainy and cold.
We were skyping for nearly two hours now and I've told him about my day and he rolled his eyes about some of my comments. I had also talked shortly to Gemma, the girl Harry lived with. He lived in Holmes Chapel, a little town in the United Kingdome, with Gemma, her mother Anne and her husband Robin. Unfortunately it was pretty far away from the place Zayn stayed, but they had met every second weekend.
Harry beamed a big smile and said "I miss you, too, Melody. Can't believe that I'm already three months away from my family! Timezones, huh? Gotta hate them."
I rolled my eyes about this awful pun and smiled, while he laughed about himself.
We were heading to Hawaii in less than two weeks and I wasn't really nervous. I tried not to waste a thought on the guy who's face was everywhere and Nash helped me trough this rough time.
We went out on the weekends and during the school days he helped me with my homework. We were close and I liked him really much. I was glad he didn't hit on me; this guy was the living proof that girls and boys could only be friends.
"Your jokes are getting worse every time I talk to you!" I said and he laughed again.
"No, they're great, you're just jealous that you're not that funny," he countered and now I was laughing. "See, I am funny!"
I snorted and shook my head.
"Have you talked to Tamina lately?" I changed the topic and he bit his lip.
"Unfortunately not... I miss her so damn much, but she's totally in that college stuff and who-is-in-which-house and I'm just... I don't know... I feel excluded of her whole life," he admitted.
"I'm sorry to hear this, Haz," I said honestly and his mouth ankles twitched. "But you'll be back home in a week and a few days!"
"I know, but she'll still be at college and I'll still be a little high school boy..."
"But you'll be closer to each other as more than thousand miles away!"
"Oh, stop being such a whiny little bitch, Styles, will you?"
Harry started laughing and I smiled at the camera.
"God, I miss you, Mel, you know that?" he said and my smile got bigger.
"Of course I do. I miss you too, you idiot."
He smiled and then looked behind him. Harry shouted something and turned around to face me again.
"Unfortunately I have to go now; Gemma and Anne made dinner. We'll talk in a few days again?" he asked and I nodded.
"Of course, just text me. Greetings to the everyone," I said and he smiled.
"I can't wait to see you from eye to eye again," he said and I smiled.
"Me neither," I said.
Lauren tugged unhappy her hair and stared at her mirror reflection.
"You look great, don't worry," I said and she smiled at me uncertainly.
"I am so glad that our boys finally come back," she said, and my smile grew wider.
Today, Zayn and Harry would come back from England and we wanted to go in a couple of minutes to the airport. The last school days had passed really quickly and tomorrow we would leave again to Hawaii. Harry didn't have much opportunity to rest from his jet lag; presumably he would sleep all day today.
"Let's go," I said and with a last look into the mirror, we left our house.
A few minutes later we were standing at the airport and we both were holding different signs. On mine was written "Harold has Style(s)" and on Lauren's "Zayner <3".
Lauren nudged me with her elbow when she spotted my curly best friend. A giant smile crept on my face and he was smiling back, talking on the phone.
"Yes, I see her. She keeps looking for you, mate..." he said and I looked to Lauren.
She was exactly doing what Harry has described. I frowned, looking back to him. The big smile hasn't left his face as he made his way trough the crowd.
"Harry!" I shrieked when he reached us and I hugged him tightly.
His body vibrated as he laughed and I took in his perfume and the smell of his shampoo.
"I've missed you so damn much," I said and leaned back.
He smiled and I took a step back so that Lauren could hug him. I looked to my side, but she wasn't standing there anymore. Her sign lay on the floor and I looked around to find my sister. Maybe she has found Zayn? I looked out for them, but find her standing in a lonely corner, talking on the phone.
"No, it's okay, I understand..." she said, rubbing her eyes.
I looked back to Harry and his eyes were sad.
"What's the matter? Where's Zayn?" I asked.
"He couldn't make it," he said and I looked shocked at him.
"What? But he's- he's okay, right? He didn't have an accident, right?" I asked and he shook his head.
"No, no, he's fine. The police at the airport didn't want him to enter the plane."
"They were afraid, because he's a Muslim. So they told him he should take a different flight... They wanted to check his luggage and ID. Lauren will see him after we come back from Hawaii."
"That is one of the most stupid things I have ever heard," I said, shaking my head.
"I know... Zayn made me promise not to tell you. He didn't want you girls to worry about him. I should call him when I got out of the plane and I did. He's back in Bradford at his guest family's house and will stay there as long as we're gone. He has said that when Lauren isn't here, he wouldn't have a reason to come back."
"Oh, Zayn..." I said, sighing.
Lauren came back to us and gave Harry his phone. I could easily read the disappointment in her eyes, but she quickly covered it with a smile and hugged Harry.
"I missed you, idiot," she said and Harry laughed.
"Let's get home," I said finally and he beamed a big smile at me.
We spent the day talking and hugging each other. It was only the two of us; Lauren was in her room, skyping with Zayn, telling him she'd be fine, lying to him.