I cried. It was as if I had landed again in the wrong place and I no longer knew where I was going. Harry wanted me, but I didn't want more from him. I was lying with my head on the pillow and I didn't hear that the door was opened. Not until my dad stood beside the bed and he sat down. I felt his hand on my back.
"Why is life so hard?"
He had no good answer.
"It goes up and it goes down." he whispered tenderly. "That's what's teaches us to become stronger."
I looked up at him and through the mist I saw his friendly face.
"I don't love Harry."
Dad wasn't surprised.
"Tell him it's over?"
I shook his head.
"It would ruin everything." I whispered hoarsely. "I'm no longer sure what I feel or who to listen to."
He sighed and it was the first time he had no answers to my questions. So many times before, he had talked about what was right and wrong, but this time he hesitated.
"You can't be with Harry just because he loves you?"
I pushed my face against the pillow.
"Yes, I can!"
Dad shook his head and in a fatherly way he let his hand slide up and down my spine, to comfort.
"No, you can't live through others." he whispered. "You have to find your way and I promise you that you'll get there."
I tried to stop crying and I looked at him again.
"But there are so many choices?"
He nodded soothing.
"I know." he whispered on. "I know you have many choices, but that's it called that you should choose with your heart."
I swallowed and I tried to think about what I wanted to do.
"I should go to a school?" I whispered weak. "I should teach myself things and I should get myself a professional."
"Okay, I'll find a school that's good enough?"
I smiled and I wiped away the tears.
"But just it's a school, that's enough for me."
Actually he didn't said anything against me. My mom had directly talked about which schools as were the best and which schools as had the best teachers.
"I just want to have friends." I continued. "I want to be like everyone else and I want to forget what happened."
He took a deep breath.
"You wont never forget. You will always be remembered, but you can learn to live with it."
I admit that this was a new chapter in my life. I had a dad who was listening and trying to understand. I was dissatisfied with everything that had to do with me, but at the same time, I hoped to an end. Dad found a school. They received me with the requirement that I would be present and that I wouldn't behave as before. Dad said I was changed and the old papers from my old school was misleading. He stood up for his daughter and he made sure that I had to take place.
My first day of school! I was nervous and I knew I had a lot of catching up to do. A week before school I got home all the books and I enjoyed reading that as I had missed. When I got to school I realized how little knowledge I had, but I chose to try.
"You'll make it." Dad said to me. "Do the best you can and then we'll see how far it takes you?"
"She's fucking no genius?"
My dad didn't agree with her and I was proud of him.
"She's smarter to what you are." he replied cold towards her. I was proud. For the first time in my life I was proud that I was his daughter. He wanted to change and he wanted me to try. He believed in me and he knew I was smart.
I got to take the bus to school. It wasn't within my area, and yet I was happy. The hallways were long and there were many rooms to get lost through. Still, I quickly learned where I should go. It was therefore a shock the first time that Niall appeared. I was standing and I just stared at him. It was as if I hadn't realized I was in his school, or in our school. When he saw me, it was as if he had seen a ghost. He paused, his face was white and he just stared at me. Finally he came up to me and without a word he gave me a hug. I wanted to say something, but what? I thought about everything that had happened and all that he had said to me.
"You were right!" I whispered hoarsely. "No one else understands."
Niall smiled and he released me. His eyes shone over the fact that I had finally understood.
"Then you know what I'm talking about?"
"Yes, I know now what you were talking about."
Niall raised his hand and he stroked my cheek and my chin.
I shrugged. It was enough! Niall realized that I had no feelings left for my boyfriend and immediately, he smiled big.
"And you're still beautiful."
I blushed and I chose to try to look down on the ground, but his fingers held up my face and he forced me to look at him.
"You aren't worthy of him." Niall whispered hoarsely, and he smiled big. "You are such a treasure that he doesn't know what it is that he had."
There was a tingling in my stomach. His words came straight inside where they belonged.
He shook his head, and without a word he kissed me. We stood in the middle of a corridor but none of us cared that everyone else saw. I responded to the kiss and I quickly took my arms around Nialls neck. I felt safe with him, I felt more confident with Niall than to any other person. He took his arms around my waist and he let his tongue meet mine. Our tongues were playing and he played with my whole body. In the end, he finished the kiss and we just stood there. I looked into his blue eyes and I could do nothing but smile and blush.
"You are changed." he whispered. I agreed and I nodded.
"I've realized everything you said." I whispered in reply. Niall smiled big and it was as if he was smiling from ear to ear.
"You're smart, but you took your time?"
"Sometimes you need time."
Niall laughed a little bit and then he released me. He took my hand and without a word, he pulled me towards the exit. I didn't mind. I went along and I felt that it felt right. It was as if I had found some of my way.
We sat on a bench outside the school. Niall held on to my hand in his and he looked at me with big eyes.
"Does this mean that there's a we?"
I swallowed. I didn't want to lie to him.
"Yes, but I haven't broken up with Harry yet."
Niall gulped and he watched me closely.
I nodded quickly. Actually the answer was really yes.
"I don't love him." I got out from me hoarsely. Niall smiled and I knew what he was expecting that answer, but still, I was honest. "I don't know what I feel for you, Niall, but there's more against what I felt when I last saw you."
I was surprised when he was satisfied with the answer.
"I expect nothing." he whispered. "Let's be honest with each other and let us anyway continue to hang out?"
I don't know what happened to me. Every break I began to be with Niall. He helped me with school and he was always there for me. It was as if we found a path between each other and we liked to just be us. I didn't care about other people and those who wanted to be my friends, they had to wait.
The police came to the school and of course it was me and Niall they wanted to talk to. I came into a room and a more serious man was sitting there. When I sat down he watched me closely.
"You have heard that Simon's dead?" he asked. I nodded weakly and I swallowed. Okay, he knew that it was us who had did it or what?
"And where were you that night when this happened?"
I knew dad would tell them the same thing.
"I was at home in my room." I said simple and not too fast. He nodded a little bit.
"And you got witness for that?"
He looked at me and he seemed to think.
"And do you have any idea who might have murdered Simon?"
I shook my head quickly. I knew I had a good alibi.
"There were many who hated him." I answered honestly. "He wasn't exactly popular."
The officer agreed.
"Well there was evidence on who he had exposed." he murmured. I nodded. I knew he was talking about the photos as we had left all over Simon. He looked down at the papers and he seemed to think.
"You and Niall seems to be good friends?" he asked and he looked at me again. "Is it that you think he might have done it?"
I shook my head quickly.
"Niall wouldn't be able to harm anyone like that." I lied. "He would have talked about it to me or for our friends."
The policeman looked at me closely. Okay, he didn't believe in me? I sat there and I sat quite still. He nodded a little bit and it was as if he was trying to collect pieces that didn't exist.
"Do you have a gun or other weapon?"
I knew why he asked that question. I shook my head quickly. My dad had no weapons at home and my mom didn't like such things.
"And do you know about if Niall own any weapons?"
I hesitated. What should I answer.
"That you have to ask him." I got up. "I've never seen him with a gun."
He nodded again and I realized he fumbled in the darkness. He had no idea it was me and Niall. I smiled a little bit at the thought. Talk about that we had planned everything and that we would get away.
"Well!" he mumbled a little depressed. "Thank you for letting us talk to you. If there's anything that you hear from others or if you remember anything at all as you haven't told us, you can call us."
I nodded and I stood up.
"I hope you will find the guilty one."
He looked at me. He seemed to think again.
"Are you serious?"
"No!" I whispered. "He hurt a lot of students and there are many who have had their lives ruined."
As soon as I came out into the corridor again, I saw Niall. I smiled at him and I gave him the thumbs up. He understood immediately that it had gone well.
"They have no idea." I whispered to him. "You don't need to be worried."
Niall smiled and he hugged me quickly, then appeared a police up and it was his turn to testify.
"Are you waiting for me?"
I nodded. I sat down and I watched him disappear into the room.
I know it's wrong to lie, and I'm fully aware that I should have recognized that it was me. I was a murderer, but at the same time, I felt that I had done the right thing. I knew that Niall did the same thing and somehow I was proud of myself. I wasn't proud over the fact that I had broken the law, but I was pleased that everyone who had been victims received redress.