"Damn someone did what we planned."
I heard that Harry's voice was angry. He was in the world's worst mood.
"What do you mean?"
"Somebody beat us and killed Simon." he growled into the phone. "I'll fucking find out who. We were supposed to do that?"
I swallowed. Now we came to that moment where I couldn't say anything.
"It doesn't matter."
He seemed surprised.
"But, darling. I should kill him for your sake. It was my job and he would suffer."
What could I say?
"He may have suffered?"
Harry was quiet and I heard he seemed to hesitate.
"It was you who did it?"
I swallowed and I closed my eyes.
He seemed to relax.
"Then I'll find it all out. Whoever it is, he must show up and tell the world about it?"
I chose to change the subject.
"How are you?"
Harry paused and he took time before he answered.
"It's okay." he murmured. "I've started a new school and they force me to be there. Mom threatening me by sending me to a wrong school again."
"I'm just at home." I whispered. "My mom refuses to let me out."
"When can we meet? I miss you and I want to be with you again."
I smiled because my dad had promised me that I could meet friends and Harry.
"When do you want to meet."
I giggled a little bit. It felt wonderful that he still wanted me. Something told me that I had to play with him and going on to be his girlfriend.
Harry seemed to be delighted.
"I can get my bike and pick you up in an hour?"
I nodded, although he didn't see it.
Dad smiled at me and he didn't seem to mind that I left home.
"Call if there's anything." he said. In the background stood mom and she was anything but happy. Yet I didn't let her push me down. My dad and I had secrets and we didn't care about her.
I put on my jacket and shoes. It felt strange to break a pattern that I had followed for weeks. It was also wonderful to get back some of my freedom. Since I had left school it was as if I didn't dare to go outside walls, aside when Niall and I took off. When I came out into the yard, I couldn't help but smile. The sun was shining and it was a wonderful day. I tried to feel as free as I was.
Harry was cycled up to the gate. He had longer hair, he was a little older (for some funny reason) and it felt like it was ages since I met him. Although it wasn't that tingling feeling in my body, I chose not to show it openly. I hugged him and I responded to the kiss.
"Damn, I missed you." he muttered hoarsely against my ear. "I've actually been close to an end between us."
Okay, that had also been a solution! Still, I smiled and I sat on the rack behind him. I took my arms around his body and I chose to not worry about anything.
We came out to the woods and it felt as if Harry had planned everything or anything special. He talked all the time about his life in school and the teachers, who of course was stupid in his new school. I didn't listen, but I enjoyed the feeling of the wind in my face, the sun on my skin and all the scents around us. My freedom was complete for the moment and I knew I wanted more of that part.
Harry pointed up against a tree house, which was built high up in a tree.
"How do we get up there?"
He smiled and he jumped off the bicycle. I did the same thing and I went with him to the tree. Quickly, I watched as Harry climbed up by putting his feet on different branches. I followed.
"Is this your place?"
"Dad built it to me when I was little, just because I would have a secret place and I have renovated it."
I came up in the little house. There was a mattress with blankets, a small table and I noted that he had placed a picnic basket there before he picked me up. I slid across the floor and I sat down on the mattress.
He smiled at me and I saw that he was proud of his little house.
"I thought this could be your place and mine." he said. "Our secret place."
Harry sat down next to me and he looked expectantly at me. I chose to smile and I looked around the room, or whatever you may call it.
He leaned toward me and he continued to smile.
"We can do whatever we want." he whispered hoarsely. I froze and I looked at him with wide eyes.
He giggled and he raised his eyebrows.
"Kissing, cuddling and such things?"
I swallowed. That with proximity was still a problem. I really didn't want to let him have sex with me, not after what I had experienced. I swallowed and he saw that I was afraid. Directly he took his arm around my shoulders.
"Come on!" he muttered hoarsely. "I don't think we'll go all the way right away?"
What would I say? Would I admit that I didn't love him, or that I didn't want him to touch me in that way?
Harry seemed to hesitate. He released me and quickly he took the basket of food in and put it in front of us.
"I have with me pancakes and some more." He smiled uncertainly. "I don't know what you like but I thought you at least want to eat something?"
Much had changed between us. It was as if Harry was a stranger and it was as if this was the first time I met him. He was good looking and I liked his face. He had put energy into the hair and I saw that he had lured it. His eyes were greener than I remembered, and he was trying to be a gentleman, but that wasn't enough. My thoughts drifted back to Niall. Actually, I liked his presence more. Niall was right. We had encountered things that Harry would never understand. Niall would at least realize that I was afraid of relationships and all that stuff. I was sure that Niall wouldn't want to have sex with me, not in the same way as Harry. Actually, it was as if I started to miss my blonde friend.
"You're so quiet?"
I woke up and I looked at Harry.
"It happened so much and it's the first time I meet you, outside of school."
"I was with you in the hospital?"
"It's not the same thing."
He seemed to understand, but at the same time he became irritated.
"Don't you love me?"
"This has nothing to do with feelings." I answered. "I just want to land in reality. This is the first time that I get to go from home and it's a freedom that I'm not used to."
"Why don't you move in with me?" he asked quickly. "Mom says it okay and she doesn't mind, if I'll take you home."
I wanted to scream no. We went quickly forward and I wanted to back off.
"I'll think about it."
He leaned toward me and he kissed me tenderly on the cheek. I wanted to back away, but still I remained. It was as if he was testing me.
"Sam, you must understand that you are the only one for me."
I looked down at my hands. I wanted to smile and I wanted to say the same thing, but it had been a far too big lie. Harry saw it, but he chose to change the subject. It was as if there was a gap between us. Was it my fault? I was sure that everything hinged on me, but at the same time he was also another Harry.
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