Luca walks back in with a large pizza box in his hands. "I bring food!" He beams at me. I smile at him and hold out my arms like a toddler wanting to be picked up by their mother. "Well, hurry up before I starve. I'm only small, I need food faster than you!" I take the box out his hand and set in on the bed and open it. "50/50?"
"How else would you share a pizza?" He asks changing the movie. I pull the pizza in half and take a bite of my first slice. The BBQ sauce hit first then the chicken and the the spiciness of the jalapenos. I let out a small moan as I tucked in more. "For a girl, you eat like a pig" Luca laughs as he takes his first slice out the box.
"Do not!" I shout. I wipe the sauce from my chin and take smaller bites to be 'more ladylike'. I don't want to be a pig, there's nothing wrong with pigs but I'd rather be me. "What's this?" I ask tilting my head as I notice the screen changing.
"My little sister gave it to me, she loved it. I never watched so why not know?"
"What's it called?"
"Strange Magic" I gasp realizing I have seen this before. It's a George Lucas movie based around midsummer's night's dream by Shakespeare. "This was Meg's favourite movie! We watched it 5 days in a row before!" I laughed remembering how we would lie on her sofa driving her parents insane with our terrible singing. My heart felt heavy as I remembered the only friend I really ever had. Her parents moved around due to her dad's military background.
"Any good?" Luca asks taking another slice of pizza from the box.
"It's okay, I think I only really watch it for the songs" I wipe pizza sauce of my chin and lick it off my thumb. I was making such a mess of myself. Pizza is so good. I am not one to usually eat it but when I do I can't enough of it. Dad doesn't like it, says "pizza is too greasy and can cause acne in such a young person" or something along those lines. He prefers things like sushi, which I can't stand.
The cheese burnt my tongue a little but nothing that doesn't happen anyway when eating most foods. I look over at Luca who is humming can't help falling in love with you as the characters fly around the screen. "I should probably call dad" I smile at Luca as I stand to go find my handbag. He grunts as acknowledgment as I open the door and leave his bright room into the dark hallway. I tap the wall hoping a switch would be around but still can't find it. Slowly, I walk towards the stairs, grip the banister and walk down carefully. I step of the last step as all the lights turn on and dad is present in front of me. "Why are you walking in the dark?"
"I couldn't find the light switch" I shrug and move towards the kitchen. I push open the door and switch on the light. Tucked in the corner is my bag, I pull it towards me and pick up my damp clothes too. "Dad, I'm tired can we go home?" I ask walking back to him. He smiles, but not a full-heart one, a small one. I could see he was sad but I had learned over the years not to press him for answers. "Sure, is that everything? You didn't bring anything else?" I shake my head and walk towards Paul. "Goodnight," I say, pushing myself into his body. I can feel he is startled but hugs me tightly and places a small kiss on my head. "Goodnight, petal".
Paul releases me and I call up to Luca, "BYE LUCA!". I hear a faint muffled goodbye and take it as my leave. Opening the door, I head towards our car where I place my stuff on the roof, I turn leaning my back against it and take in the view of the sky. Not much could be seen because of all the lights but enough to make me feel peaceful. "Doors are open," dad says. I climb in taking my stuff with me. Seeing Paul made me miss Grayson. He's my brother yet he doesn't care enough to tell me where he is or how he's doing. I just wish I could see him.
"How did you like them all? Pretty nice aren't they?" Dad looks at me strangely and I nod.
"Yeah, they're pretty nice. They were nice enough, I guess" He nods his head at me and smiles.
"So, I want you to have a home. A proper home" he stops, glancing at me "I want you to live with Paul. He offered you a place with him and it would be permanent. Once you finish school you can go traveling with the band while they tour. You have always wanted to travel and this way you can" I looked blankly at him.
"You want to leave me?" I could feel my eyes welling up.
"No! I just want you to have a home. I don't want to keep moving you around, you need stability and you won't have that living with me" I was shocked. "You don't have to decide yet, you have time before...I leave for Scotland"
"I don't want you to go!" I cry. I can't help it "You're the last family I have", My voice cracks as I look at him.
"I'll be back. Paul offered me the Gardeners hut. It's a small house for the gardening staff but Zalee does it so it's not in use. I'll be back. I would never leave you forever." He places his hand on my knee and gently squeezes it for reassurance. "Just think about it".
What am I meant to do? I haven't seen Paul in years and now dad wants to leave me with him? I sit quietly, feeling really sorry for myself. When we pull up to the house my instincts are to run. Run where I don't know. Gathering my things I move as fast as I can and go straight to my room.
I shut the door behind me, sink down it and then it happens. I cry. I cry more than I have in years. I feel like a cliche movie sitting here crying. Deep breathes. Just keep breathing. Okay. Maybe if I sleep this off I can make a decision with a clear head. I pull on my nightgown and climb into bed.
I wonder what Grayson would do? He'd probably go with Paul in a heartbeat. He and dad never got along. Not after Mum left. They got along after for a short period when Ariel was dating dad.
Ariel would sing to me when I was distressed. She'd sing three little birds by Bob Marley or a soft melody. She is the only motherly figure I remember and I don't have her anymore. I hum softly to myself. I wish Grayson didn't go and I wish Ariel stayed.
I close my eyes and hopefully get some sleep. I don't want to think about dad going, too. This was probably his plan the whole time, leave me with Paul and move on with life forgetting about me like Grayson, mum, and Ariel. The bus will be finished in less than a week and then he'll leave me, like everyone else. Abandonment issues or what. Mum would've been so angry if he left first and not her. She was like that, she could do no wrong but dad did everything wrong. I still don't why she left but it seems to be contagious.
Who do you talk to when you have no one?