Anakin Skywalker And The I-Became-A-Jedi

Anakin Skywalker's perspective of "Attack Of The Clones." Book 2 of the Anakin Skywalker series. Great inspiration from "Draco Malfoy And The Rejected Handshake." Enjoy!


12. Arena Trolls! (great, not)

Yep, there's Obi-Wan, ahead of us.

The Geonosians dragged us out of the cart, handcuffed us, and chained us next to my Master. From the corner of my eye I saw Padme slip something small into her mouth behind the guard's back just before they chained her to the post next to me.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd gotten my message," Obi-Wan said to me after the guards started to file out.

"I retransmitted it just as you requested, Master," I replied. "Then we decided to come and rescue you."

" a rescue?" Obi-Wan replied.

Up in the stands, Nute Gunray, Count Dooku, Jango Fett, Poggle the Lesser, and some random kid--presumably Jango's son--were crowded in a luxurious balcony. As soon as the cart left the arena, Poggle made a formal announcement that we would be killed. As if we didn't already know that! "Let the executions begin!" he concluded loudly.

Three large gates opened on the far side of the arena. Let's see if I can identify these trolls:

1. A reek. These powerful--yet stupid--creatures looked like red triceratops.

2. A nexu. A giant, leaping catlike creature with fangs and claws.

3. An acklay. A 10-foot lizard with pincers.

Geonosian picadors used spears to prod the trolls toward us.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," I said.

Obi-Wan told me to take the reek, and he would take the acklay. Apparently Padme's got the nexu.

Wait, the nexu? "What about Padme?"

"She seems to be on top of things," he replied.

Startled, I glanced toward Padme. She had picked the lock on one of her handcuffs and used the chain as a rope to climb to the top, where hopefully the nexu can't reach. So that's what she was hiding from them! A lock pick! Now she's fiddling around, trying to get free. Finally, I grinned.

The trolls charged.

The acklay headed straight for Obi-Wan. The reek charged at me, and with a graceful Force jump I evaded the charge and jumped onto the reek's back. Then I pulled the chain off.

So spectacular. If only Padme could see me now!

I very TCOishly used the Force to subdue the reek. Now you are mine for the taking!

Then I looped the broken chain around one of the reek's horns. The reek shook and strained against the chain. Great! Getting free of those cuffs won't take long.

Meanwhile, the nexu started climbing after Padme. This must have been the second time it did it, because it had clawed her already, knocking off a large strip of her clothing. She swung on the chain, did a 360, and kicked the nexu off the pole and onto the sand.

Above her, Nute Gunray was griping over Padme's kick. You go, girl.

Allow me, nexu, to finish you off! I prodded the reek toward the troll. It was about to climb up again when the reek collided with it, trampeling the beast. It paid for messin' with Texas!

Then I hollered to Padme, telling her to jump. She did. Moments later, Obi-Wan rushed over and boarded the reek.

That's two trolls down, one troll up.

Suddenly, shieldless droidekas started rolling out. We're dead.

OK, why haven't they started firing? Not like we're in any big hurry...

A sudden silence fell. So I looked up at the crowd.

What the?

All around the arena, blue and green lightsabers flashed. There must be at least 100 Jedi up there! Then I glanced toward the central box where Dooku and the others were. At this distance, I couldn't exactly make out the features of the man in Jedi robes standing next to Count Dooku--but I didn't have to. Only one Jedi carries a purple lightsaber--Master Windu!

As the reek bucked forward, blaster bolts went flying around us. Then, Mace jumped off the balcony and landed on his feet. So relieving to watch. That's what amazes me about us Jedi: we can jump 100 feet and land as safely as if we had jumped off playground equipment.

Great! Battle droids started pouring in from all directions. There goes the Geonosians. So many droids! It's like being surrounded by fans (like I frequently am) and not like being surrounded by fans.

Yep, without a lightsaber, we're helpless. As if a random Jedi had read my mind, a lightsaber went flying up to us. I caught one of them and activated it. Obi-Wan has a lightsaber too now. With one swift movement we slashed each other's sabers, just to make sure they worked.

The reek bucked, and we all fell off. Obi-Wan landed a few feet from me. And as for Padme...has anyone seen Padme? I turned my attention to the battle droids, who had scattered across the arena. Seriously? These flimsy suckers don't stand a chance.

After cutting two of these suckers, I noticed Padme on a repulsor-lift cart. She must have found a blaster somewhere. I jumped on and we took out battle droids together.

This fight is just awful. Battle droids keep coming endlessly. For every droid we cut down, two more took its place.

Whoa! Suddenly, a lucky hit from the enemy knocked Padme and me off the cart. There, in front of us, were another horde of droids. Padme opened fire, and I started deflecting bolts. Along with the droids came another droid type. They were gray, and fatter than their cousins. Padme shot one, and it didn't work! It backed up briefly, then continued firing.

"You call this a diplomatic solution?" I finally asked.

"No," she replied. "I call it aggressive negotiations."

OK, I'll give you that one.

But seriously. There's too many of them! I've lost count of how many the two of us destroyed. Around us, to my surprise and horror, these suckers were constantly gunning down Jedi. I looked around for Obi-Wan, and found him engaging the last troll--the acklay. Thank goodness he had his lightsaber. He used it to kill the troll swiftly.

OK, looks like the Jedi are lining in a circle. I decided to follow them. Padme did too.

This is bad. The droids surrounded us in a circle as if it were a ring around a thumb.

Suddenly, the droids stopped firing. I finally lowered my completely tired arms and looked around. Mace Windu, Obi-Wan, Padme, and about twenty Jedi stood in the arena. Only twenty?! I could swear I saw at least 100 lightsabers in the arena! The others must of all been killed off.

"Master Windu!" Dooku's voice rang across the arena. "You have fought gallantly. Worthy of recognition in the archives of the Jedi Order."'s all on Master Windu? We all helped!

"Now, it is finished," he continued. "Surrender, and your lives will be spared."

Master Windu spoke first. "We will not be hostages for you to barter with, Dooku!"

"Then...I'm sorry, old friend." That's what makes me sick about Count Dooku--he's clearly a Sith Lord, but he still uses plenty of Jedi talk in his vocabulary. I could already predict what he said next: therefore, we would have to be destroyed.

The battle droids raised their weapons. I raised my lightsaber, ready for the kill, when--

"Look!" Padme shouted.

I looked. For a split second, I was confused. All I saw was battle droids. Then I realized she's pointing upward. OMG! Six gunships have come to our rescue!

The droids turned their fire to the gunships. The laser blasts bounced off the ships' hulls. OK, who are they? Where did they come from? I'm growing suspicious...wait, it's not a trap. They have saved us all!

And then white-clad troops came rushing out of the ships. Who are these guys? They're really starting to creep me out--*grunts*--again, they're rescuing us! It is not a trap!

Whoever our heroes are, they're no droids. They opened rapid fire, forcing the true droids back.

Master Yoda appeared in the doorway of one of the gunships and told us to hurry inside.

We all raced to the gunships. As Obi-Wan, Padme, and I boarded the nearest fighter, I took one last look at the balcony. Dooku and his friends were gone.

Then I looked down and saw Jango Fett's son. He was kneeling beside the bounty hunter's corpse, crying and clutching his dad's helmet. Jango must have been killed off during the fight. To be honest, I can't help but feel sorry for the boy.

Alas, we're not out of this yet.

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