4. January 2014
Happy New Year Anne-So, let’s start it with a series of red lines...
At one point, I felt a lot of hatred towards my sister. She had everything I ever wanted: a reason to be sad, people around her, a big loss of weight...Everybody looked out for her. I wanted what she had. Up until the moment she started losing her hair. The effects of chemo always vary from one patient to another. We we’re all hoping Emilie would be part of the 2% that do not lose their hair but unfortunately, they started falling out. She could grab a handful by passing her fingers through her hair. My mother, Emilie and I ended up crying in the kitchen one night. Emilie couldn’t stop sobbing, repeating the same thing repeatedly whilst sliding her hands through her hair:
“Cut them off Mom... I’m not able anymore. I don’t want to keep them, they keep falling off.”
First time my mother cut them off, she cut them to her chin, but then as the week went, my sister shaved them all off because they did nothing but gather everywhere she went. Even bald, I still believed she was prettier than me.
After her loss of hair, the hardest part was my parents’ continuous absence when my sister had to stay at the hospital for her treatments. I had always loved to see my parents at home. Even though I don’t always talk to them when they’re there, I just find their presence comforting. It just wasn’t the same when they alternated between home and the hospital. I had to be more responsible and make sure the evening chores had been done before my mother’s return. Meals were different too. Usually, we’re seven around the table, talking about our day, saying nonsense and laughing about ridiculous things. But when my sister was at the hospital with one or both of my parents, there were some nights it was so silent I’D wondered if sitting at the table to eat was even worth it.