You hated courgettes
So we rechristened them Raw-Jets
Because it simplified them,
Vegetables became word-play games
Your nose would crumple on sight
And your eyes would slant bitterly at the corners
Until your whole face seemed to have been
Knotted up in someone’s fist.
Once Mum gave us broad bean soup
(We called them bored beans)
Disguised as pea,
We decided that we were detectives
And we expelled her from her green potions
So that she would not be the one to slip
The concept of Health
Down our unwilling throats.
Years later, you hated food all together
So we rechristened you instead
Because it simplified the maths
Of trying to divide calorie by calorie.