In the Dark of the Night
Days pass quickly, each one inevitably filled to the brim with Niall. He had of course taken me to the typical places we had always enjoyed. Oh, well, by we I mean him. In the past five days I've been dragged to the zoo, the aquarium, and bloody Nando's. I wasn't sure how much longer I could take this obvious, pathetic, attempt to relive the past.
"What about tomorrow, Princess? What should we do tomorrow?" Niall asks as we drive along in the dark of the night.
"I don't know." I say, annoyed.
"Maybe we could go to the cinema? Haven't been there yet."
"Maybe..." I say looking out the window, obviously uninterested.
"What would you like to do?" He says, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.
"Does it matter?"
"Emma." He says pulling over, "I don't appreciate the fucking attitude. If you have something to say, say it." He parks the car roughly, putting the gear shift in park angrily.
"Are you kidding me?" I say turning to look at him.
"No, I'm not fucking kidding you. What is wrong with you?" He says facing me.
"You really want to know?"
'Calm down Emma, don't do this now'. I say to myself, but the anger is so red hot I can't even think.
"Yes, I really want to know." Niall says turning to face me.
"Why are you trying so bloody hard to relive the past?"
"What!? What the bloody hell are you talking about?" He sounds bewildered, but it's so dark in the car I can't really make out his face.
"Seriously? What am I talking about? You've taken me to every single place we've been to when I was little. You've tried acting like nothing has changed!"
"So what!? I can't act like I did before?"
"No! You can't!" I say, my hands flailing along with my angry voice.
"And why is that, Emma? Why can't I act like nothing has changed?"
"Because it has! Everything has bloody changed, Niall! You can't leave for eight fucking years and expect everything to remain the fucking same!"
"What is it that's changed then, Emma. Enlighten me, please! I'm all fucking ears!"
He hits his hand against the steering wheel, setting me off. How dare he! He doesn't deserve to get mad at me!
"Me, I've changed! I'm not the same little girl you left behind!" I scream so angry that I can barely see straight, "I love you! I've been loving you for the past eight years!! I fucking love you! And you don't fucking see it!"
Even in the darkness I could see his mouth wide open in surprise and his eyes go about double their size.
"What did you say?"
Fuck, fuck, fuck. What did I do?
"You heard me." I say, regretting everything instantaneously.
"Yeah. I do." Fuck. Well Janice, one problem down, a thousand to go.
"Um..." He starts the car and goes back onto the main road, ignoring the sight of me. "I think I should take you home."
"We're not even going to talk about this?" I say rather pathetically, I was already verbally beating myself up mentally.
"Emma." He says in a very soft tone of voice, "There's nothing to talk about."
A tear escapes and I wipe at it discretely.
So this is what is was like to have your heart broken into a million pieces.
Sure, he had left, he had gotten married, he hadn't come back for so long. But, fuck, I never thought that he wouldn't even respond to me when I told him the three most important words one could ever say.
"Drop me off at Janice's."
He nods, not saying another word the entire trip.
For the first time I felt our silence only filled a void that had been made between us. Things were going to change.
And I was so fucking scared.
I stand upon Janice's front steps, waiting for her to open the door. My eyes already steaming tears down my cheeks.
"Emma?" Her eyes widen when she sees me pathetically crying my eyes out among her potted flowers, "Ems what happened, babe?" She takes me into her arms, rubbing my back in slow circles.
"I told him." I say in between sobs. "I told him like you told me to."
She tenses for a second, and I could tell she felt undeniably guilty, "I'm sorry." She says hugging me tighter to her.
"It's not fucking okay." I say sobbing into her shoulder. She only rubs my back, trying to soothe me. "Jan?"
I lift my head and attempt to stop crying. I wipe my face with the sleeve of my blouse and finally manage to say, "Let's get fucking drunk off our arses."
Perhaps it was not the wisest course of action, but I was not prepared to face this bloody heartache without something to numb my body from it's damaging and permanent effects.
"Fuck Niall." I say, acting the part of the scorned woman rather nicely.
Janice simply shakes her head and refills her glass, "I thought he was different."
"So did I." I say taking a shot and putting the glass down.
We sat at the bar, the closest to liquor. Today, Janice did not chide me for drinking to fast nor too much. She knew I wanted to quickly be rid of these intoxicating feelings.
"Hello." Says an unfamiliar voice, interrupting our rounds.
"Hello?" I say looking at the quite handsome stranger. He smiled at me, and nodded at Janice. His eyes were the mossiest of greens I had ever seen, and they lock onto mine for an uncomfortable amount of time.
"Oh, right." He says. I laugh, making him blush. "I'm Luca."
"I'm Emma, this is Janice." I say looking straight at him.
He holds my gaze, "Pleasure." He says taking my hand.
"Would you like to sit?" Janice says with a smile.
"Well, sure." He sits next to me, his body so close to my own. "Where are you two girls from?"
"We're from near by, born and raised."
"Ah, Primrose Hills girls." He responds with a knowing look, as if expecting something.
"What?" I say, obviously not understanding the look he was giving us.
He laughs out loud and turns to look at me seriously, "You don't remember me, do you?"
I turn to look at Janice and she shrugs, "No? Should I?"
"Emma, it's me, Lucas, from primary school?"
I hear Janice gasp audibly.
Oh shit. "Lucas!? Why the bloody hell did you say your name was Luca!?"
"Well, that's what everyone called me throughout secondary school."
"Shit, Lucas, you look so different."
He had been a skinny, lanky thing. Always being picked on by the older boys.
"Yeah, that's what everyone tells me." He says bashfully rubbing his hair with a large, callused hand.
"Do tell me Lucas, how have you been?"
We spend what feels like hours talking to Lucas about, well, everything. The liquor was making my body buzz, and Lucas' voice was having an enchanting effect on me.
"Are you seeing anyone Emma?"
I knew he was bound to ask this, and shyly I shake my head no. Janice had gone to the toilets and left us alone for the first time tonight.
"Would you like to?" He says, a very apparent blush playing upon his cheeks.
I lean in close to him and whisper, "I'm a bloody mess Lucas, you don't want to get involved with me."
He leans in closer, "Oh, but I do."
I figure it's the liquor talking, that it's already affecting our hearts. Making them think that love is this easy, this simple.
"Do you now?" I say, my nose only a smidgen away from touching his.
"What the bloody hell is this?" I look up, horrified having heard the voice I would know anywhere.
Suddenly Lucas is pulled off of his stool and slammed against the bar, "You taking advantage of a drunk girl, mate?" Niall says, his voice ringing throughout the now silenced pub.
"No...No...sir." Lucas replies, obviously terrified of the larger, older man that had him pinned against the wooden bar.
"What the fuck are you doing Niall, let him go!"
"Was he bothering you Emma?" He says, pressing onto Lucas harder, his fist midway in the air.
"No! Why the fuck would you care anyways!?"
Niall looks at me angrily, pushing Lucas away violently. He walks away furiously in the direction of the toilets.
Janice, having seen the whole thing from the back of the pub, runs past Niall, to me, "Are you alright?"
"Ask him." I say pointing to Lucas, incredibly embarrassed.
"I'm...I'm fine. Um, but..." He avoids my stare, still leaning against the bar. "I...is that your boyfriend?"
"Still...um...maybe I should go. That was more than enough excitement for one night."
I look him, my face blushing with utter embarrassment, "I'm sorry."
"It's alright, we'll catch up another time." He says pulling some bills and placing them onto the counter, "It was nice seeing both of you." Lucas says with fake enthusiasm.
As I watch him walk out I could feel myself bubbling with anger, Janice places a hand upon my shoulder and says with a smile, "Ems, if he couldn't stand up to your Uncle Niall, he is not the man for you."
But the rage that was building inside me did not allow for me to process her consolement, instead I turned on my heels and marched to the toilets. I open the door, finding it unlocked once more, and am faced with a smirking Niall.
"What, you're not turning off the lights this time?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" I say looking at him. He leans against the sink, his eyes mischievously locking upon mine.
He doesn't even look sorry.
"What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm sorry I try to defend you when I see that fucking wanker all over you!"
"If you didn't notice, Niall, I was all over him too!" I yell loudly, standing my ground.
"Oh, so that's the girl you're going to be, princess."
"What kind of girl is that?" I reply with pure anger.
"Didn't you tell me," he pauses to look at his Rolex, "Exactly four hours ago, that you loved me? No, wait. That you "fucking loved me"?"
I lunge at him, my arms barely brushing his cheek before he holds my wrist tightly.
"Let me go." I say trying to yank my arm away from him, "Didn't you say there's nothing to talk about!? Didn't you!?"
His grip continues to tighten around my arm as he says, "Turns out there is."
"Is there now?"
He lets go of my arm, pinning me to the tile wall, his face closer than Lucas' was moments before.
"Yeah, princess, there is."