A Finished Conversation
My heart beats wildly as he turns to look at me, he repeats it once more, "Emma, what are we going to do?"
I look up at him, not quite sure what to say.
"Do I really have to ask again?"
I shake my head and he sighs.
"Niall, I don't know what you want me to say."
"I don't know what I want to hear to be honest."
We both nervously chuckle.
"Emma? Do you really want me to just forget any of this ever happened?"
Wouldn't that be the easiest solution though. To simply act as if these past few weeks had never occurred?
"Is that possible?"
He smirks, "No princess, I don't think it is."
"Then what other options do we have?"
He bites his lip and looks away, "We talk about our options."
"What are our options?" I say, getting a bit frustrated.
He sighs loudly, "Like a fucking never ending circle."
He was right, this conversation was going nowhere.
"Niall?" I whisper, my voice shaky.
I clear my throat, hoping not to sound as nervous as I was, "Do you really forgive me?"
"Unfortunately." He mumbles, "I do. Even after you left me for that bloody wanker."
"If it makes you feel any better, nothing happened."
He rolls his eyes and shifts on the bed, "I'm sorry for overreacting."
"It's...um...understandable I guess." I stutter.
"Why is it understandable?"
"Well, I was being a proper bitch to you. So I can understand why you got so mad. But, that doesn't excuse you trying to force me into your car." He laughs loudly. I turn to look at him, his whole face lighting up when he laughs and I can't help but smile myself, until I remember the other reason why I was mad at him. "What isn't understandable though," I continue, crossing my arms in front of my chest, "Is the fact that you came here, woke dad up at God knows what time, only to tell on me."
"Emma, I didn't even know if you got home safe!"
Okay, he was right about that. Just like Janice.
"Still." I say turning to look at him, "Did you really have to get dad involved?"
"I was bloody furious, okay?"
"That's not the only reason I was mad though."I braced myself for what he was about to say, knowing that it would have to do with the florescent lit conversation we had the night before. "I just...I'm more mad at myself than anything."
"I'm supposed to be the fucking adult here. How could I say those things to you?"
"You mean the truth?"
He sighs loudly, "Emma. what would it change if it were the truth? The fact of the matter is you're you and I'm me. This isn't going to work."
"But, if you're you and I'm me, then why can't it work?"
"What?" he says furrowing his brow.
"Forget dad, mum, all of the other outside factors Niall. If it were just you and me, would it work?"
"Does it matter?"
I sigh, and try not to look as miserable as I felt. He was right. Did it really matter? All of the outside factors would always weigh in, it didn't matter how many hypothetical situations we made up.
"You're right." I say getting up from the bed and walking towards the door. He merely looks at me, not sure what I was about to say, "So do we really need to talk about this? I think this conversation is over." I don't know how I managed to say that, or how I even managed to walk this short distance without collapsing from nerves.
I lean against the wall next to the door and pray he leaves.
He gets up painstakingly slow, dragging out this painful process. As he makes his way to the door, he steps directly in front of me, his blue eyes locked on mine, "Are you sure this conversation is over?"
I look away, not wanting to say it again. I didn't want it to be over.
I didn't want this to end before it even started.
But what bloody choice did we have?
"Yeah?" I say, knowing his voice urged me to look at him.
"Do we stand a chance?"
I turn to look at him, knowing what he meant. Knowing what he was asking would determine what would happen.
This would either be a finished conversation or the start of a new one.
"Niall..." I plead, "What is it that you want me to say? Do you want me to say this is okay? That our love would overcome all or some cliched shit like that?"
He smiles wearily, his eyes never leaving mine, "Would you mean it?"
I pause, only for a heartbeat, "Yeah. I would."
"All of it? The whole 'Our love would overcome all' and all that shit?" He says with a cocky smirk. Knowing that in part, he's won.
"Yeah." I take a breath as I feel him coming closer, his warmth radiating towards me. "I would."
Niall breathes out, coming closer to me and leaning in, "Good." He mutters, his mouth mere inches from my ear, "I would too."