Okay so I fucked up. If you read Contracts and Acts (chapter 10) then this is just kind of a review. Some of it. It's more detailed, more worded, and just better. I'm not going to get rid of the other chapter, this is chapter 11, but if you notice some repetition, just skim it and get to a part that you didn't read. It's extra long because I haven't posted in a little while, love you all so frigging much! Xxbella
We've been distant. So distant that it feels like he's even here. I cry myself to sleep, he doesn't know, because he's been sleeping on the couch.
He won't touch me, and when he does, it feels cold. The only thing he'll pay attention to is the kids. He's still the same with them. But the kids are smart, extremely observant and they know when something's wrong. "Daddy, why does mommy cry so much?" Ciara asks him almost everyday since he's been home.
"We're just... having some troubles." Is how he describes it. She just stares at him, as if she's trying to figure out if he's lying, or why we're having 'issues'. But even Alec has told that his father seems different, that he doesn't act the same, or want to play guitar with him anymore. "He says he's too busy, but he's just watching TV?" He'll tell me on the way to school.
So today, I'm going to fight with him. We've barely said a word to each other since he got home. So here goes nothing. I sat in the car in the driveway for a few moments after arriving home from dropping the twins off at school. I took a few deep breaths and turned the car off, feeling the anexity rush through my blood as I was walking to the front door. I walked in the door and stood in the kitchen, leaning over the island with my keyring still around my finger. I took a deep breath and let it all out. I wasn't sure if I should go in there Loud and Proud, keep ot suttle, or just walk in the living room and start taking the wedding photos off the wall to see if he'll stop me.
Or, make breakfast for us? I'll do that. I'll make eggs, toast, bacon for him and turkey bacon for me, I'll even put fruit in a little dish and put it on the tray with orange juice on the other side and bring it to him. I'll eat in the kitchen, maybe he'll get a hint? . "What's this?" He asked me with a small smile on his.
I kept a good poker face while I said, "thought you might be hungry." Seeing as though I haven't cooked you anything in a long time, and you can barely cook coup without burning it to the pot. I turned on my heel and walked back into the kitchen, sitting down and starting to eat my food. It was good, but it was hard to swallow with that lump growing bigger and bigger in my throat. I was trying so desprately hard to keep myself together. I was not ready to cry in front of him and made me so fucking frustrated that I couldn't even cry to my own husband because I didn't want him to see what HE was doing.
I quickly wiped the tears out of my glossy eyes whenever I heard him walking to the kitchen. He put his dishes in the sink and he leaned against the counter with his hands behind his back. I was starring at him through the corner of my eye, his hair was flat, shirt off with a pair of flannel pajama pants hanging off his hips. I'm pretty sure every time he comes home from tour he gets fitter than before he left. His muscles seem more tone and I find myself drooling over him, then wanting to cry harder because some other bitch fucking touched him. "Do you still love me?"
I spit my juice out, looking up at him. "Hmm?" I asked.
As much as I was hurting, it looked like he was hurting more? "Do you?" He asked again. I didn't say anything, just stared at him and kept chewing my toast. "Baby, talk to me.." He said and tears started running down my face, not a violent sob, just a free flowing cry. He walked over, kneeled down in front of me and held my face with both hands; thumbs swiping away my tears.
"When have I ever given you the impression that I didn't love you anymore?" I asked, shaking my head. I was looking in between his eyes. They've changed from that ugly grey and back to his bright, baby blue ones.
"Please don't cry, I'm so sorry." He whispered. "It was a phase, a contract, it meant nothing. She's nothing."
"What do you mean a phase?" I said with such venom it almost burnt my tongue. I slightly shoved him away from me. "You mean... you actually liked it?" I asked, completely offended.
"What? No?" He said and stood up. "I liked the attention, okay?" He said, making me laugh. "You don't understand what it's like to be the shadow of the other guys." His feelings were actually hurt.
"Niall? Are you taking birth control because your horomones are way out of wack." I said with a laugh and he backed away. "Either that was the lamest excuse ever, or you don't know how to lie. Because that might have worked on me whenever you first came out, but you're in your 40's, married with two beautiful children. You are away, sometimes months out of the year!" I stood up, anger shooting through me.
"Braelynn!" He screamed and I shook my head. "It's not like that, not at all." He said more calmly.
"Then what's it like?" I asked, slapping my arms on my thighs.
"Nothing happened. After the bars, she wwent wherever and I went back to the hotel with the boys. To the hotel." He added quickly.
"Then why did Harry basically say that you were cheating?" I crossed my arms and looked away, I hate him seeing me cry.
"Harry? When?" He asked.
"Not even an hour before I went to your mum's." He raised an eyebrow at me, "he didn't comfrim it, but he didn't deny it either." We both fell silent. I bit my lip. "Please Niall, get rid of this anexity, this jealousy, this heartache. Just fucking tell me, did you cheat on me?"
"No Braelynn, of course not." He sighed, putting a hand on his forehead. "Of course not." He said again, only lower. He walked over to me, I wanted to back away from him, but I don't think I can at this point. I allow his arms to wrap around me, squeezing me, just holding me.
I sobbed out loud and wrapped my arms around his neck, crying violently and not wanting to let go. "I miss you." I sobbed, sniffing back my pain and nuzzling my face into his neck.
"I'm right here." He whispered into my hair as his hands went to my neck and pressed me harder into him. I feel as if all my bad tension has flooded my body and I'm back to the way I was. "I have a propersition." He tells me, pulling away, just enough for our foreheads to touch. "Come on the rest of the tour with us while we're in Ireland. This is our last stop, you won't be more than a month and the kids aren't that far from us. The fans want you back, management has been trying to get you back since Wales, and we'll be together; work on things." He giggled.
"What about the kids?" I was actually considering this...
"I'm sure mum wouldn't mind. That's why I didn't want you to know I was home just yet, I was trying to ask her things, but then everything got out of hand and the divorce papers.. I had no time." He was full of compassion, heart throbbed and understanding, finally.
"You promise you didn't touch her?"
He shook his head so hard I thought he was going to shake his brain out. "Fuck no. I felt gross just even taking photos with her and having to touch her back. She's not you, baby. She's just not you." He smiles and that made me giggle. His hand brushed over my cheek, thumb stopped on my cheek bone, index finger behind my ear, and the other three fingers behind my head, allowing me to lean into his hand. "You've been my everything since that day on the plane." He smiled. "I love you."
"I love you." I whispered. For the first time since he left, I feel like we'll be okay.
Meetings. I do not miss these. We had to fly to London to meet with Management to sign me for the rest of the tour. We were meeting the rest of the boys there. I was scared and nervous beyond explanation and not sure what to expect. It's been a while since I've been here and I forget almost everything we talk about and how this works. I know they've been wanting me back on tour for a while now, emails upon emails, phone calls from the company and even fans asking me to re-join.
But my kids come first.
The only reason why I said yes to this was because the tour is almost fone, it's in Ireland and I can still see my kids. They're only a few hours drive, or a few minuets plane ride away. And they're staying with Marua, I could live with that. I'll be okay with that, besides, they'll be at most of the concerts.
"Ready?" Niall asked as the plane landed.
"I think so." I laughed a little and he stood up to grab our carry-ons and he took my hand. "I thought no one knew we were coming" I whispered.
"They find out everything." He said back.
It wouldn't have been a problem if there was just a few people, but hear me when I say MOB. As soon as we stepped inside the doors, there were five body gaurds surrounding us.
They were screaming things at Niall and I, mostly Niall, and they weren't good things. They kept calling him a cheater, they were calling me stupid for staying with him and others screamed out: "You can cheat on me Niall!" I shivered at that statement.
It was kind of disturbing because I know that some of these girls would actually be okay with either one of the boys cheating on them. As long as they got to say they were dating one of them, they wouldn't care. "Ew." I muttered. Niall's grip on my side was tightened as we took the crashes from the waves of people. It was restricting, but I liked it.
People had their cameras out, trying to get photos with us, but the guards kept pushing them out of the way. "Back up!" One of the gaurds screamed at one of the fans. He shoved her so hard that she actually ended up falling into the crowd, no one stopped to help her up, they just kept trampling her.
"Hey!" I screamed, stopping the movement. "You back up!" I screamed in his face and shoved him just as hard. I left the 'protection' we had to help her up. She was crying whenever I finally made it past everyone and grabbed her hand to pull her up. "Are you okay?" I asked her, moving her hair out of her face and holding her cheeks to wipe away the tears.
"Yes, thank you." She sobbed. I smiled and gave her a long, tight hug. "Can I get a picture?"
"Course." I smiled and we got a picture together. I took my phone out and everyone tried to get into the photo, I needed one fro my twitter. "Want me to grab Niall?" I asked her.
"No. I only wanted one with you." I gave her a funny look, but didn't ask questions.
"I really have to go guys! I love you all so much, please never forget that!" I shouted, blowing kisses to them and Niall and I ran to our car. I was thankful that the fans backed off so we could move.
"That was weird." Niall said when we got in the car. I nodded my head. "You really took out that gaurd." He laughed.
"I use to box." I winked and pretended to beat him up. He rubbed his shoulder before muttering, "that actually hurt." I rolled my eyes at him, we both laughed. "I'm really glad you're coming with us." He said and put his arm around me.
I snuggled up to him, "same. I kind of missed preforming." I admitted. "Here we are." I muttered as the car stopped. I gulped and looked the building up and down, I was scared shitless.
"Just so you know, Simon got this new assistant, total bitch. Take nothing to heart and don't be scared to give it right back to her, Louis does, she hates it." I nodded my head, grabbing his arm and tightly holding it. "You're okay, baby, you'll be fine." We walked into the building and were instantly greeted.
"They seem nicer?" I questioned.
"They're kissing your ass."
"Touche." I giggled. We were guided to a large confrence room where Louis jumped from the table and charged at me. "Braelynn!" He screamed and almost knocked me over. "I haven't seen you in months!" He said in my ear as he cut off my breathing. I was lifted off my feet and then set back down, I kissed his cheek and then I was met by Liam.
"Liam!" I said and he held his arms out wide, making me smile as I accepted his teddy bear hug. "How's Soph?" I asked.
"Beautiful, as always." He blushed. "She's almost due, I feel bad. She's due almost right after the tour is done. I swear."
"So you don't get a break." I joked, he shook his head. "I wish she could fly." I made a pouty face. "I miss her."
"Yeah you should see her."
"Maybe after the tour we'll go vist for a few days, give you guys a few extra hands." I suggested.
"Few days? Stay a few years." He joked.
Zayn was next, to say I was excited to hug Zayn would be an understatment. Zayn always had a new smell to him, and he smelt amazing. "How have you been?" He asked in my ear. I pulled away and shrugged, "been better?" I almost asked. He just nodded his head, he knew exactly what were going through, he's been through this a few times with Perrie.
"Harry!" I screamed as he walked into the room. He put his coffee down and bent a little, enough for me to run and jump on him. "I missed you so much." I whispered into his neck. He squeezed me, holding me up as my legs wrapped around him.
"Have you talked?" He asked.
"Yeah but something still just doesn't add up." He let me down but didn't take his hand off the curve in my wasit. "I don't want to call him a liar, but I feel as if more happened than what he's telling me. I don't know, girls just... know?" I tried to explain.
"Ah! Braelynn." I looked over Harry's shoulder and seen Simon walk in with a crew right behind him. We all took a seat, I was right across from Simon in the chair that sat at the end of the table. Niall and Harry sat on either side on me, Zayn beside Harry, Liam beside Niall and Louis. "Ready?" Simon asked.
"Always." I lied. I knew what was coming first.
"The rumors." One girl said. She had bottle blonde hair, fake glasses, and her hair was in that 'porn star' bun. You know, the bun porn stars wear whenever they're like a teacher or some shit. She looked like an actual slut. She pulled out a file envelope and slid it my way, "just a contract. He went back with the boys, although we are not there to supervise him, we are confident that he followed the guide lines of the contract.
Niall's hand was holding mine, and I felt his pulse get faster and harder as I looked at the envolpe, I was going to open it but decided against it. I felt like there was something I was going to read in there that I didn't want to read at all. "I'll read it later." I shoved the paper away a little. I noticed that Niall relaxed a little bit whenever I said that.
"Alright, but we need to ask some questions." Simon said. "How did you take the rumors?" I knew everyone was looking to get a reaction out of me, wasn't going to happen.
I shrugged, "didn't bother me." I felt Harry and Niall both look at me. "I trust him. Thought maybe after our little fight that maybe she apologized for being a whore and a homewrecker, and they became friends." It was taking everything in me not to fucking loose it right now.
"Okay." He wrote something down. "The contract is over, it was only a few months." Yeah, only a few months of fucking hell. While these guys were making money off it, I was getting divorce papers done and having my heart trampled on. "So hopefully we didn't cause any uproar between you two." I shook my head, playing with a pent. I knew Niall was starring at me, wondering how I could lie so easily and freely, making it believeable when not even a week ago he witnessed almost three meltdowns, AND divorce papers.
I felt his hand squeeze mine and I smiled at im. Maybe he was telling the truth. But something just doesn't add up, I'll find out what it is, women always do. It's like he doesn't want me to read what's in that contract, and I don't know why. I'm going to read it, just not in front of him or a room full of people.
"So you coming out of the lawyers office about a month ago now, was nothing?" The stupid blonde asked.
"No, I was in there doing something for my Will. I needed to update a few things for my kids." I said with confidence. Niall's pulse was going through the roof right now, I could feel it on my wrist. What the hell are you hiding?
"Okay. So if you were to go on tour, whatever hapened isn't going to affect anyone's emotions in the concerts?"
"Correct." I said, nodding.
"Alright." Simon said, "let'stalk mo-"
He was cut off by the same person, again. "Back when you were first on tour with them, you sang this song that made people wonder what it was about. " By the way that Simon was looking at her, this little segment wasn't in the script. "It made fans wonder if it was about Niall, or any of the boys, which got bad feed back."
"What song?" I asked. I sang a few songs about Niall, but no one knew.
"Heaven, by Beyonce."
Liam spit his water out, Louis' jaw dropped, Zayn looked like he was about to choke her out as he leaned off the chair and on to the table, giving her a dirty look. Harry was about half way out of his chair and Niall's grip on me tightened. They were pissed. I just laughed, leaning back in my chair, one arm behind me and the other was playing with the pen again. I licked my bottom lip, looking back up this bitch and leaning on the table. "And who is this?" I asked Simon.
"My assistant." He said and drug out 'assistant' like he was triyng to make a point.
"Hmm, assistant." I mumbled, nodding my head. "If you actually do your research, you would know that my mom had just passed away. The song 'Heaven' was for her. People like really fucking piss me off, you make up shit in your head and try to say it's true. Fuck you." I let that sink into her tiny brain. She rolled her eyes at me, I'm not amussed. "Please, please, I'm begging you, roll your eyes back a little further, maybe you'll find your brain." I was not letting up on this chick. "Did you know that by assuming things, not only do you make an ass out of ME, but you make one out of yourself."
I sat back down, I didn't even realize I was standing. "Excuse me, how dare you talk to me like tha-"
My eyes flashed red, my skin was steaming. "NO, don't you fucking make assumptions about MY fucking life, you understand?" I looked around the table, "does anyone else have anything they want to tell me that apparently happened in my life? Because clearly I'm on drugs and don't know what the hell goes on in MY life." No one spoke up, they were looking down. Simon was smirking at me, leaning back in his chair and holding his pen to his lip. "If you would like to keep this meeting going, and give your fanbase what they want, get this bottle blonde, wannabe barbi the hell out of here."
She looked to Simon, thinking Simon was going to save her. "You heard the girl." He said and everyone's jaws dropped, they couldn't believe that Simon had just listened to me. Maybe things were looking up for me.