On The Road Again

"You just need trust."

Sometimes people come into your life, to help you grow, learn and move forward with your past self. Sometimes that's all they're there for, just for those simple things.

Sometimes they don't stay, sometimes they do.

Maybe it's time Braelynn let go.


8. Not Afraid













my heart was breaking, my daughter was latched to her mother as she held them and waved goodbye on the ferry. I can't cry yet, Nope, not crying. I kept it in and waved until they were so far away they looked like little Lego people.


I bowed my head and turned on my heel, this sucked. I sniffed, wiping under my nose and shaking my head. Sometimes, like this time, I wish I didn't have any emotions. I feel as if it would be almost so much better if I just couldn't feel at all, I would like to just be able to walk away from my family and have no affect of it like some celebrities can. But I love my family too much, my wife is a damn trophy, my children are the most beautiful things I've ever laid my eyes on and I've never been so proud in my life. I just wish it was easier.

"It's okay Nialler, you'll be home soon." Zayn said and patted my shoulder, I just smiled and nodded my head, walking to my room and closing the door. I laid my head on my pillow and closed my eyes slowly, holding my phone in my hand so I would feel my phone whenever Braelynn called me after they get settled at home. I wish I was back with them, but I've got a job to do and I love my job.

"Hey mate, just letting you know we're leaving for London tonight. Get some rest, we'll come get you." I heard Liam's voice say through the door. I didn't say anything, I didn't really want to say anything. I was scared that if I opened my mouth right now I might say something I don't mean.






"Hey baby." I smiled and rested my chin on my fist. She smiled a full toothy smile at me, wrapping my sweater around her shoulders a little tighter. "What time is it up there?" I sleepily asked. 

"Same as you, there is no difference." She giggled, I loved hearing her laugh. I purposely say  stupid stuff to her sometimes just to hear her talk and correct me. She's a beautiful  creation and I'm way too fucking lucky I have her.  "How are you?" Her voice was cracking, not because she's sad but because she's tired and probably had a hard day with the kids. 

"I'm tired, how about you?" I smiled.

"I'm the same. Ciara's pretty excited, eh." She winked and I cocked an eyebrow, asking why. "She gets her braces tomorrow, she's happy that she won't have to look at her 'incredibly ugly, disgusting, male replant, gapped tooth'." She put air quotes around the whole verse she just told me. I cock an eyebrow again, "I told her that male replant probably isn't a bad thing." She winked and I laughed.

"Send me a picture whenever she gets them on." I giggled, "she probably won't be able to talk for a few days." 

"I'm not complaining." She laughed and I laughed with her. Then it fell to a distant silence, not an awkward one but more of a comfortable one. Just seeing each other, even through a computer screen,  made both our days. "Well hunny, I think I'm going to head to bed now. Her appointment is early tomorrow and I don't want to be too tired, plus you have a concert tomorrow." 

"Braelynn." I almost choked. 

"Yes?" She said softly, with a smile pulling her lips. 

"I love you so fucking much." I cracked. "So much." I said again and nodded. 

"I love you so much, Niall James Horan." She kissed the camera and waved goodbye before shutting the   computer screen and leaving me to see my own reflection in my laptop. I sighed and nodded, sucking up my sadness and laying in my bed before leaving for London. I scrolled threw twitter and seen that people had photos of my family getting off the fiery in Ireland and I smiled, you could see Ciara's tear stained face as she walked off, holding her mother's hand and trying to smile. Alec was looking up at his mum like she was Wonder Women, which she is. 

There was a knock on my door and Liam poked his head in, "Ready?" He asked and I nodded, throwing my legs over my bed, putting my phone in my back pocket and grabbing my suit cases. "How's the kids?" He asked while walking out.

"Well, Cici's getting braces tomorrow, apparently she's really excited." I giggled.

"Memeber when you had your braces, you were upset because you couldn't eat." He laughed and slapped my chest gently.  I nodded in a laugh, "imagine Ciara with her braces? Braelynn's going to have a hard time for the first couple weeks. She's exactly like you."

"I can't wait for this tour to be over, or at least whenever we get to Ireland." Liam nodded with me and he sighed. "How's Soph?" I asked.

"She's starting to show." He coughed, I looked at him. "I'm happy,man. Oh my god I'm so happy, but I'm more scared. What am I going to do? That means I have to buy a full house and do a baby room and go to doctor's appointment and oh my god, Niall what am I going to do? I'm an artist, we're all artists? We go on tour and not all of them are only 6 months long, they're usually a full year? I'll miss the baby's birthda-"

I slapped him, not hard, but hard enough to knock him out of his little ramble. "Liam, breathe." I almost laughed. His eyes were wide as I held him by his shoulders and his breathing was heavy. "It works out, it's hard but it works out." I assured him. "I had two kids at the same time and had to leave for tour not even two years later. It works out, mate. I promise." He hugged me and I patted his back. "Let's go to London and get this shit over with." I winked and he laughed, leaving the hotel and getting in the car with the other three. 

The drive to the airport wasn't that long and neither was the plane ride.  I felt tired but I couldn't sleep, my body felt awake but my eyes were close to closing. "Need coffee, mate?" Louis asked me and I nodded, getting up and grabbing my luggage and walking off. There was a car waiting for us as soon as we got off, hoping in it and driving somewhere that I don't about yet. I wish Braelynn was with us like she use to be, she use to make these drives and constantly flying everywhere a little more bearable. She use to make jokes and sing songs on the AUX cord, shaking her head and having her hair go everywhere, screaming the lyrics. At first we thought she was possessed by the devil or something, but now I think we all wish she was back. "I wish Braelynn took the invite to come along with us again." Zayn said as he put his back on the seat and we all nodded our heads. 



"Okay, get up." I pulled Ciara out of bed first and she groaned and rolled over. It amazed me how much she was like Niall, this is was crazy. Then it hit me, if she's just like her father... "We're going to McDonald's for breakfast." Her head popped up and she threw the blankets off her, running to the shower and I smiled, crossing my arms over my chest feeling pretty impressed with myself for thinking of that. "Now, time for Alec." I walked in his room and he was already sitting up with his blankets around his shoulders and smiling at me. "We're going out for breakfast." I informed him, leaning on his doorframe and holding the door opened. 

"Okay, mum." He smiled and stood up. He's getting so tall, they're both too tall for their age. Ciara gets bullied at school for her height, but little do they know, models are tall and my baby could be a model. I walked into my room and threw on a grey zip hoodie over my white tank top and brushed my teeth, applying mascara and lining my eyebrows before walking out and seeing Ciara already at the door. "Hungry?" I asked her and her eyes went wide, a big smile on her face as she nodded her head yes. "Alec! You almost ready?" 

"Yeah!" He called back and I put on my shoes and put Ciara's hair into a messy bun before Alec came running down the hallway with his sweater hanging off one of his shoulders and running his fingers through his hair and slipping his shoes on. We walked to the car and I unlocked it, my phone started buzzing. "Hello." I said, putting the phone through the blue tooth. 

"Hi!" Niall's voice sang through the speakers. 

"Daddy!" Ciara screamed and Alec said hi to him, Ciara started telling Niall about her braces and how she's scared to get them but really excited. Alec cut in the middle of her story and told Niall how proud he was not to need braces. "Alec, stop it!" Ciara said and slapped her brother, I giggled and asked Niall how things were going.

"London's London's."  He said. "We have a concert tonight, I feel like I just woke up." I could hear him rubbing his eyes.

"I remember that feeling." I said and turned the corner and pulled into McDonald's. "One second. What do you guys want?" I ordered their food and we took off, stopped so Ciara could brush her teeth really quick and say goodbye to Niall before we pulled into Doc Braces. "Ready?" I asked her as we walked in, she nodded her head but squeezed my hand tightly. "Hi there, appointment for Ciara Horan." I smiled and the girl at the desk looked me and then looked at my kids. 

Then it slapped her across the face, we were Niall Horan's family. Here we go. "Holy shi- you're Braelynn!" She whispered yelled, I nodded my head and Alec rolled his eyes. "Um." She cleared her throat, "Right this way." She led us to a room where Ciara was to get xrays and then she went right under to get them put on. About two hours later she came out of the room and had tears in her eyes, "Mama." She said and climbed in my lap, laying her head on my shoulder.


"It hurts to breathe." She said I started laughing, so did Alec. "Stop laughing!" She almost screeched. "Can I call daddy now?" I nodded my head and handed her my phone, she called Niall and he answered, she instantly started bawling. "Come home and take care of me!" She whined and I could hear Niall laughing at the other end, making her get even more over whelmed.  She threw the phone at me and I gave her a dirty look. "Sorry.." She mumbled.

I dropped the kids off at school and went to the store for a moment. I walked by the magazines and noticed Tessa's face on the cover, and guess who was beside her? A picture of Niall walking out of a bar the other night. "Of course." I muttered and threw the mag back on the shelf and walked around to look for something for supper tonight. My body was shaking because I was so mad, I know that she meant nothing to Niall but it just pissed me off that this bitch was proud to come in between a family and try to make us break up. "Fucking whore." I spat whenever I seen her face again on another magazine rack. I drove home and took the groceries inside, opening my twitter and hashtagging her name with Niall's. Of course a bunch of photos of him and her came up, recent and old. All I knew was, this time was going to be different and if she thinks that her showing up again is going to ruin MY family, she's got another thing coming to her. 

I went threw my camera roll on my phone and posted a photo of my family on twitter, @BraelynnHoran: "Nothing will disturb my love for my family, even though you're away, we always think of you. See you on Skype tonight, xx @NiallHoran" I was proud whenever I seen that it was getting instant replies and retweets, fuck that bitch. I'm more than sure I made it clear that i'm not afraid to fight for my family. 

holy shit, i know it's been so long!!!! i love you! xxbella  

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