"I knew when you stopped saying your goodnights, I lost you."
This is going to be slightly depressing.
Tears swelled up in my eyes as I skimmed through the magazine. They were a five page spread in this mag, making me want to hurl. I checked the date, June 5th. The night after that, Niall stopped calling as much, stopped talking as much when he did call, and stopped answering his phone. Is he serious? He's willing to let this bitch wreck his family?
My heart was hurting as I walked through the store, this wasn't fair. How long has he been lying for? Was Tessa telling the truth whenever she said that I had no idea what Niall was capable of? "Oh my god." I said and sniffed back tears. I needed to get out of here right now.
"Maura?" I asked as she answered the phone.
"Yes dear, are you okay?"
"Can I come over for a bit?" I asked, although I was already outside their driveway. I got out of my car with my phone still pressed to my ear. I trying to hard not to cry, crumpling the magazine in my hands as I waited for her to answer.
"Of course, you're welcome here anytime. There's no need to ask."
I said thank you and hung up, knocking on the door. She laughed whenever she opened it, but quickly stopped once she seen the state I was in. I showed her the photos, she skimmed through it as we walked inside. I looked around as I sat down on the couch, remembering the first time I ever came over to this beautiful Ireland home. "You can't be sure of these photos, hunny. People these days know how to photoshop an-"
"No, Maura.." I said, shaking my head. She swallowed and stared at me, looking at the pictures again. "Those-" I sniffed. "Those are real. Those pictures are so clear, they're not blurry or anything." I pointed to the photos. "He stopped calling, texting, Skpying, everything. He's not the same, Maura.." I shook my head and she came over beside me, I laid my head on her shoulder. "Was it me?" I asked.
"No baby, no no no." She hushed me, her hand went to the back of my head and I cried out. "I thought I raised him better?" She whispered to herself. "Let me try calling him." She offered, I nodded and sat up. She held her phone to her ear and stared at me as it rang. "Hello, Niall?" She asked, my ears perked up. "It's your mum, I was just wondering if you could come home here, at my place, for a few days?" She looked at her fingers on her left hand and nodded her head. "Okay, no it's not exactly an emergency. But it's family related, dear. Okay, I'll be seeing you soon." She looked up at me with sad eyes. "I won't tell her, no worries."
I bowed my head, tears falling from my eyes and I clutched my chest as I felt my heart being torn apart.
"He didn't want me to know he was coming home did he?" I asked and she shook her head. "Did he say why?" I asked.
"He said that he didn't want you to know he was home yet, he never gave a reason." I bit my lip, "when he gets home I'll let you know, he should be here soon actually." She looked at her watch.
"How is he coming home so quick?" I asked, that was weird. I've been asking Niall when he was coming home and he said whenever they came to Ireland to finish the tour. "He said he couldn't get a break because they were only doing a 6 month tour?" I cocked an eyebrow. Was that a lie also? I shook my head, was this the end of Niall and I? "My family..." I whispered and started bawling again.
"Oh princess, I'm sure there's a reason for this."
I left Maura's shortly after, she agreed to picking the kids up from school and taking them to her house for a few days. I needed to be by myself for a little while. I laid in my bed and sobbed, looking at old photos of my family whenever we were happy and all together. I looked threw the photo album from last Christmas together and smiled, everyone looked so happy, we were the picture perfect family.
As I looked over the photos I noticed my wedding ring, holding my hand, I stared at it. I contemplated taking it off, but then again, I didn't want anyone to know that I seen the photos and that my husband wasn't as faithful as everyone thought. My phone started to ring, "hello?"
"Hey, it's Harry." I smiled. "What are you doing?" He was talking to me as if he knew something that I didn't, but i probably knew what he did.
"I'm just at home." I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand and sniffed quietly so he wouldn't hear. "What about you?" I asked.
"Nothing, where are the kids?"
"With Maura." I hear him sigh, and then some shuffling in the back ground.
"Can I come over, I just need to talk to you." I said yes to him and stood up, I needed to clean myself up. I took my sweats off and pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and tore off my hoodie, replacing it with a nice flannel and washing my face before applying some makeup , I'm tired. I leaned against the counter of my bathroom sink and looked in the mirror, I can't believe I was cheated on.
There was a knock on my door, I walked over to the front and opened it. Harry stood there in black jeans, white shirt and a green jacket unzipped, and his hands were in his pockets of his jeans. He looked at the ground before looking up at me, "it's been a while." He said and I laughed, nodding my head and opened the door wider for him to come in. "I miss the twins, how are they anyway?"
"Good, they miss Niall though." I said and bit my lip to stop myself from crying.
"Yup, I hear you." He swallowed and looked away from me.
We stayed silent for a few moments. "Is he cheating on me?" I blurted. Harry just looked at me, "he told me he wanted another baby, not he won't even talk to me..." I put my hand on my forehead and looked down, this hurt more than I thought. "He told Maura not tell me he was coming home, she had to send the kids off to Greg's, what do I do Harry?" I begged.
He walked over to me as I sat on the stool, he wrapped his arms around me and I cried into his chest, gripping the back of his shirt. "I love him so much, we've been through so much! Is he really throwing that away for this whore?" I screamed. I wanted to die, I was crying way too much. "Does he really want to make such a bad name for himself? I look like a fucking dumbass!" I screeched, I was defiantly ugly crying by this time.
"Shh." Was all he could say. He didn't deny if he was cheating, but he didn't confirm it either. "It's not my place to say anything to anyone. If you know he's at Maura's maybe you should go over there, pretend you're going to pay her a visit?" That was a good idea.
"Should I dress up?" I asked, wiping my tears and hiccuping slightly.
"I want to say yes, but I also want to say no. Yes because it makes it look like it's not bothering you at all, no because you want him to know you're hurting? I don't know, you decide. Give me a call, I'm staying in the area."
"Not going home?" I asked, sniffed and wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
"I don't have a home, Braelynn." He said with a smile and walked out. I hate how my aunt just left him, mind you the age difference was a little weird, but still.
I decided I would go over looking, not 100% like trash, but also not 100% okay. I would probably cry, so I didn't do my makeup, threw on a pair of black skinnies and one of his hoodies. I jumped in the car and went to the house, I waited in the driveway for about five minutes before making way in there. I knocked on the door and Maura answered, she had a look of surprise and also looked at me as if I shouldn't be there.
"Braelynn, what a surprise." She said with a big, fake smile. She said my name loudly, loud enough that I think the neighbors heard.
"Can I talk?" I asked, I felt my throat starting to to burn instantly. "Maura, please. I just want to see him." She looked down at my hands and seen a orange envelope gripped tightly. She knew exactly what I was holding.
"Braelynn hunny." She said, but I pushed past her.
I acted like I knew nothing. "I just need you to go over these with me, he's not her-" I stopped dead in my tracks as I seen the man I love sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand, one arm up on the couch and that made me angry for some reason.
He did a double take on me, sitting up real quick once he realized who he was looking at. "Braelynn." He said, sounding surprised. His mum walked in behind me, he shot her dirty looks as if she should've tried harder to get me away.
"Hi." Was all I could say.
"Let's go look at these, shall we?" Maura asked me, grabbing the papers from my hands. He cocked an eyebrow at the envelope and I just stared at him, it was like I couldn't believe he was here in front of me. I just put my head down, though, making my way to the kitchen. "You're sure?" She asked.
I shook my head no. "Of course not." I laid my head on the table, my arms out in front of me. "But what else am I suppose to do? Keep having my heart broken by the man I'm in love with? Keep having the media think I'm some sort of dumbass? No." I said sternly. "He can't keep doing this to me."
"When did you find time to get these done?" She asked.
"They're only rough drafts, not the real thing..." I looked out the window that was above the kitchen sink, I was exhausted. "I just need to make sure everything correct and then I take these in and get the real papers."
"Papers for what?" I jumped, looking behind me and seeing him standing there, leaning on the door frame. It was like he was a stranger, like the first time I met him on the plane. I'm scared to say hi, scared to touch him, kiss him, tell him I love him. I was angry.
"Nothing." I said and gathered them up.
I walked past him, brushing his shoulder and wanting to replay that moment over and over, just because I got to finally touch him in sort of way. Tears brimmed my eyes and my heart started to crack again. "Are we not married? If there's paper work, wouldn't it be for the both of us?"
I had my hand on the door nob as he said this. I felt myself twitch, honestly. I turned around, "are we married?" I asked. He looked taken back by this. "Are we? Because you don't seem to be acting like it?" He walked towards me, like he wanted to touch me but the thought of him touching another women and then touching me, made me feel ill. "Don't!" I barked.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
Maura came out, standing in the doorway just watching. I didn't want to do this in her house so I let a few tears slip, just to let him know I'm hurting badly and I turned to walk out the door. I laid my head on my steering wheel as I angrily punched my dash board, pulled my hair and screamed. My eyes were so flooded with tears that I didn't even see him run outside and get in my car. "Leave!!" I screamed.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Why was he acting like he cared?
"Don't call me that!" I screamed again. I smashed my head off the steering wheel and threw my arms everywhere, I've finally lost my shit. "You're a fucking cheater! If you wanted to be single again, hang out with grimy groupies and get shit face, wasted every night! Just sign the fucking papers please!" I threw the envelope at him and the landed in his lap.
"Papers?" He looked at them, hands in the air like he was scared to touch them. "Are you divorcing me?"
"You fucking cheated on me!" I screech. I wanted to smack him in the head, fucking asshole.
"What are you talking about?" He asked, he looked at me as if I was the crazy one here.
"It's everywhere Niall, the magazines, YOUR own Twitter! Why are you hanging out with that fucking home wrecker?"
"Who? Oh, Tessa?"
"Yeah! Tessa." I said her name with such venom, I felt it burn my own tongue. "Holy fuck Niall, get out of my car."
"I paid for this?"
"Fine." I reached back and grabbed my purse, hoping out of the drivers side and walking out of the driveway, I paid for my own car but I wasn't in the right mind to argue with him. I probably would have punched him repeatedly if I was to sit in that car with him any longer.
"Where are you going?" He called to me.
"Come back, we need to talk!" I heard my car's engine rev up and him pulling beside me, driving along with me as I walked. "Get in please baby." He said.
"DONT CALL ME THAT!" It made me want to throw up knowing he probably called Tessa and some other girls that.
"Braelynn, get in the car. Let's go home and talk about this." I finally gave up and got in the car, thank god I didn't wear make up. "What are you talking about?" I couldn't answer him, I couldn't talk to him in this little area, this car was too fucking small to be fighting in. And honestly, I don't trust myself enough to know I won't break his nose.
We pulled into the house drive way. I don't whether to call it OUR home, or my home. I stomped into the house, throwing my shoes like a child and walking to the bedroom, I close the door and stood in front of my mirror. I was a fucking mess, a disgusting mess. I ran my hands threw my tangled hair and sighed with my eyes closed, I need a vacation.
"Please talk to me?" He said.
His hands touched my shoulder and I felt myself relax, I need his touch. But I turned around and shoved him. "Are you cheating on me!" I screamed at him, his face was a blank sheet of fucking nothing, he couldn't even glow with regret. "How could you do that to me!" I ripped at my hair, pulling it and turning my body, taking my arm back and punching a hole threw my bedroom wall, MY bedroom wall. "Fuck you."
"It didn't happen." He said in a low voice, he was being careful with his word choice and tone of voice. "It didn't happen, I know what it looks like, but it's nothing like that."
"How could you?" I calmed down, I was about to start laughing. I'm fucking psychotic. "You seen me beat the shit out of her, telling her to stay away from my family? Right? Or were you too interested in her slutty dress? " I asked.
"Baby, please listen."
"Why didn't you want me to know you were coming home, hmm? Why? Why did you stop calling so much, why did you just fucking drop off the fucking planet but you can go hangout with her! Since when did she come before US?!" I screamed, hitting his chest.
"Please listen to me." My arms were flying like a bat out of hell, I wanted to hit him so hard. "Would you just fuckin' listen?!" He screamed at me. I screamed back something completely inaudible. "Hit me!" He said, I stopped screaming and starred at him. Hit him? Hit him? "If punching me in the face is the only way you'll relax and listen, hit me."
I turned my head to the side, I wasn't fully understanding. He's giving me premission to punch him? I wonder if he knows how hard I can hit? Do I do it? Should I do it? "Fuck it." I whispered. I brought my arm back and cracked him in the jaw, sending him to the floor holding his newly swollen jaw line. "Fuck, that felt good." My body was rushing with adreline. "Fight me, get up and fight me?" All I needed was a good fight, I'll be fine after that. He got up and shrugged.
He ran at me and picked me up by my stomach, letting me punch the hell out of him as he slammed me to the bed, I couldn't help but laugh, he laughed with me. "Fuck you." I said, breathless. "I fucking miss you and you can't even tell me that you're coming home?" I was calmed down now, my heart was still hurting but my mind is a lot cleaner.
"It's not what it looks, baby, I promise."
"Then what the hell is it, Niall? Because to me, and everyone else, it looks like you're enjoying yourself with her. Had me fooled so bad I went and got documents for a divorce." His head hung low and I tried so hard to look in his blue eyes, but they've turned a dirty shade of grey. "What's going on Niall? Can you please explain something to me?" He sighed, getting off me and sitting at the end of the bed. I sat up also, bringing my knees to my chest as I waited.
"It's not real, her and I. It's just a thing so she can get noticed by agencies." He said, why would he want to help her? "Don't think anything of it, I hate her too, but it gives me publicity and whatever gets me talked about in the media, gets the band talked about. I'm not cheating on, Braelynn, I love you with all my heart." His eyes were brimming. "I wanted to surprise you, that's why I told my mum to keep it from you. I had to make it look worse than it actually was, and if making you look like shit did it, I had to do it. I can never read those goddamn contracts." He whispered the last part to himself.
"Contracts? You have a contract with her?" I felt like I was going throw up. "For what?"
He sighed again. "For this." He threw the photos at me. "It's all in a contract, it's up after the tour and hopefully after that she'll get the hell away from me. She signed that in her contract."
"Thank Jesus." I said and I felt a big weight lift off me. But something didn't feel right, I couldn't tell if it was by the way he looked right past me, instead of at me, or if it was the way his voice suddenly got softer and more passionate whenever he talked about the two. But for now, until I had full proof, I was just going to say he was right and that I was just being paranoid.