I rang on his bell to his flat. It almost took me all day to get the courage to come here. After what I did, I am terrified to face him again. When I heard his voice in the intercom, relief flooded my whole body.
“It’s me,” I said softly.
“What do you want?” he asked.
“Let me in, Jake, please,” I begged but I was surprised when he buzzed me in just like that. When I was walking towards his flat that was at the very end of the hall, his door opened and he stepped out.
“Why are you here, Audrey?” he asked with curiosity I leaned in order to kiss him but he moved away from me.
“Please, don’t,” he declined me.
“We need to talk,” I whispered, still standing in the door frame. I looked down at my feet nervously.
“Do we? Really?,” he replied in irony, rolling his eyes.
“Don’t push me away now, please, don’t do that.” I pleaded.
“Are you all an act or is there at least one genuine bone in your body?” he spat at me, I could hear something in his voice. Hate? Anger? Emotionless?
“What? I was going to tell you I swear.” I begged and the pushed back tears returned to my eyes. I was a bit taken back at how harsh he was, but i deserved it.
“You just played me. I’ve had fucking enough of your bullshit. You cry and you need to talk and then you stop and you don’t need me anymore. You make up stories, you lie to me and the only thing you do with me with some enthusiasm is sex. You’re only genuine when you fuck me,” he was showering me with guilty. I deserve much worse.
“That is not true!” I tried to keep my voice down, but I couldn't contain myself. “I didn't play you!”
“Yeah. Trust me, Audrey, I would love to believe that. I really want to believe that. But I would need to be fucking stupid!”
“Oh fuck!” I shouted at him. “Can’t you just listen to me?”
“Stop yelling! I listened to you for the last couple of months. I didn’t want to do anything else than to listen to you. I would do literally anything in the world for you. But all you got for me in return is fucking lies. I’m done.”
I was losing the fight. He was right there, mere inches away from me but I could feel him slipping through my fingers. For the first time since I met him I didn’t see that familiar thing in his eyes. The kindness was gone. I wouldn’t say that there was hate. It was maybe even worse. There was no emotion towards me at all. I saw nothing. I was right, emotionless.
“We can work. I can be better,” I muttered and I felt like my legs were failing me. I had a feeling I would throw up any second. My whole body hurt and my heart was reacting to my feelings.
“Jake. Please, let me talk to you. I know that you want to talk. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t open the door or you would already slam it right into my face,” I begged.
“You’re not coming in,” He added.
“I felt like I was about to split in half right there. I was scared so many times in my life but this time I felt my whole body crashing, falling into pieces that were not possible to put back together again.
“It’s too late, I’m done. You had the opportunity to tell me the truth and you didn’t. You made me look like an idiot. Just go and forget about this,”
“I can’t forget about this, Jake. Don’t leave me now. Please. I can’t lose you,” I said
“Audrey, just go,” He said softly.
“I never ever loved anybody in my life because it is so fucking hard and when I finally -“ I stopped myself before I said it.
“You can’t even tell me that you love me, Audrey. This is not love,” He pushed the door closed, and I swear I could hear a piece of my heart fall.
With my face just inches away, the door was shut for good. I slowly backed towards the wall and then I noticed my body was slowly sliding down. And then I finally collapsed on the floor. I just sat there, I only moved a bit so my back was leaning against his door. I felt like vomiting and my legs seemed to be jelly. I simply couldn’t stand up. I didn’t even care anymore if anybody saw me in this condition.
Finally I got up, I was worn out, drown of my emotions. I walked back to my car, opening the door sitting in the leather seat. I just lost in, I begin to cry and cry. I don't know if I can stop.