*alarm a' clock went off* It went off? Where did it wander off to? Ooh. Ooh. I know! It went to alarm a clock. Geddit? Come on, that was hilarious.
shut up,did she really tell an inanimate object to shut up? fuck today I'm not sure you can fuck time. Although, feel free to try. iam According to Google, this stands for identity and access management moving Praise the Lord. Our beloved protagonist has discovered movement. I look at my play station and my Xbox, See? Sleeping with your gaming consoles is perfectly normal. today I have to pack this in their box that I never thew Thew means muscular strength. Thank you for that Google. Although, never muscular strength? away I walked downstairs to the kitchen and made eggs and went upstairs and pack my game consoles didn't you already pack them? and brought my things downstairs and waited for my aunt because she was going to pick me up Thank you for clearing that up. I never would've known.
*knock knock* I open the door and saw my aunt she help me with my things after we where Heh heh. We where sounds so funny. Say it aloud. WEE-WHEAR done I closed the door and I drove way You drive? Awesome! Can you take me to Tesco later? I need to buy some new kitchen knives. and got out my laptop and listened to music alcohol Soon to be released is music Pepsi and music tea. by timeflies No, not the band. The insects. Fireflies. Timeflies. In 2 years we'll have snowflies and got on Facebook Aren't you on your laptop? How do you have wifi? Does you car have in-built Wi-Fi? Wait a minute, aren't you driving?
after 5 hours of driving we were at my aunts house and my cousin (all girls) One cousin - all girls. Damn, I must be part girl. Tell me how to achieve all girls status! help me and saw my game consoles and all my video games " Liz ur a tomboy and a nerd" Imma do my best Lui Calibre impression here (friend of Vanoss) - "Yeah, Liz. You're a freaking loser." jenn said in a mean voice "I am not a nerd I am a gamer and how am I a tomboy " Gosh Jenn, get yo facts right. we went upstairs and she told me why as we unpacked my things "you are a tomboy because u have video game poster 2 things " Video game poster 2 things? "that's an Xbox 360,xbox one,ps3,and ps4" Goddamit, Jenn, you're so dumb! I said I felt like an instant Like an instant? Do you mean instant coffee? You felt like instant coffee? Is that what you're trying to say Liz? when she said thingy "anyway look at how u dress wats that big thing in your pocket " Dear goodness, I don't think you want to know what the 'big thing' is. Even I don't want to know. she said pointing at my pocket "that is a PS and what's wrong I just like baggy shirt and shorts " No one wanted to know what was in your pocket Liz. Also, PS? Do you mean PlayStation? Why are you carrying a Play Station in your pocket? Also, how big ARE your pockets? "ok then what then ur not a "tomboy " what ever You tell her, Liz.
I closed the door and set up my games and my Tv , after finishing my room As a gamer, she takes Minecraft much too seriously and created her room from scratch. I went downstairs "hey I signed u up for a school" my aunt said "ok thanks "
-the next dat-
I got ready for school and I put my pocket knife in my backpack Watch out guys, you don't wanna mess with Liz. She'll shank* ya up and my PS How the hell are you carrying a PlayStation with you. for I can have something to do durning No Google results for durning. lunch
jenn walked in "oh my God are u she you are Are you she you are? Damn, that's actually a good comeback not a tonboy" A tonboy is like totes different from a tomboy. A tonboy is a boy who like, weighs or ton or whateva. "yes get out we are going to be late we walked to school and took me too And here I was, hoping that she had left you behind. Perhaps the story would've been more interesting. the office Unfortunately the next part isn't about the hit show 'The Office'. I checked. Yes, I'm disappointed too.
"well they should help you from here just sit down " I told her omg she a tomboy *sigh* Yes we know, Jenn. You told us already. Get your shit together. in school I am going to back like I don't know her
I sat down and waited there where two guys siting my said me In case you're wondering, the two guys were in fact 'citing' and in this case, they were quoting the works of Shakespeare. Liz is just too much of an uncultured swine to recognise that. so to avoid I took out my PS Liar. You're trying to impress them.
they where looking at me like if I was if I had done something bad Liz, you are 'if I had done something bad', whatever that is. "oh I am new here and my cousin sent me here " I told the laddy Mate, neither of them asked for your life story. as I put my PS away Why'd you get it out for then? "ur name " she asked Ohh, LADY not laddy. "Liz Lawley "
"ok right u have an assembly " Haha loser, have fun in your assembly. she told me as she gave me my keys to my locker and my schedule "thanks" I got out Got out of where? Did the chair drag you to the depths of hell when you sat on it? Honestly, I wish you stayed there. and looked for my locker no one was in the hall way, Maybe cause they're all in assembly? Did you ever think of that, Liz? Nah, you didn't. You wanna know why - it's cause you're a *unbelievably censored* I finally found my locker put a mirror and PS games How the frick are you playing on your PlayStation without a TV? and a book that they gave me I didn't knew where was the assembly at and asked the two guys from the office that came out Aawh, gay representation. Finally, something's going right. "hey can u help me.." they cut me off before I could finish "no" Damn, Liz, you're such a loser that even two random guys don't wanna talk to you. they said as they walk away "but u didn't knew what I was going to say " "still no" BOOM! "bitch" I said to my self my they herd Oh my, they 'herd'. Baa! (Geddit? Herd? Herd of sheep? Okay, I won't do that again). Shit's gonna go down now.
"what did u just call me " This is like a bad high school movie. I told he Liz's true identity has been revealed. as I turned around to look at her "I called u a bitch" Liz said with a mad voice Ooh, she ma-a-d I punched her in the eye well, that escalated quickly but I was surprised she didn't walk away she open her backpack Told ya that you didn't want to make her mad.
I took out my pocket knife and I was about to stab him but he got my hard Hey, Liz. Work with me. I'm trying to keep this at Y rating. and dropped it her got me an in arm lock and pushed me against my locker "don't ever mess with vanoss" vanoss said with a mad voice Don't ever mess with Vanoss! That alone is hilarious. A++ for talking in third person. we walk away Cause they all besties now. and grad my pocket knife I'd give your knife a Grade D for being fuckin' useless. and went to my class since I missed the assembly
I walked in to class Sat Someone tell me what subject Sat is? in the back as I took my backpack off I covered my eye the teacher saw me and I saw vanoss walk in "who did this to u "the teacher said as she took my hand away my from my eye vanoss stoped walking and gave me the death stare "no one I am ok" I told the teacher At least send her to the nurse! and vanoss walked to his set of throwing knives where he proceeded to kill Liz because his death stare clearly isn't lethal enough. Get yo head in the game, Vanoss. (Also, as I wrote that sentence a song that's often used in the actual Vanoss' videos started playing and I am now grinning like an idiot).
-few classes passed-
the bell rang I went to my locker looked for a game to play on my PS Still don't know how she's playing video games without a TV delirious came up to me he pushed me causing my games discs to fall everyone started to do the can can while shooting rocket launchers at me I quickly picked them up and up them back I don't even know. I saw the school gate open and I sneaked out Why do you need to sneak out? Isn't school over? and saw vanoss and delirious Awh, yes, my precious precious babies. (The actual YouTubers I mean).
"hey you where ur going" i yelled at her " some where " By somewhere she means incidentally the same place you are going. Liz asked as she walked away "fine then bitch" For someone who hates her, you take a lot of interest in her, Vanoss.
I was going to go paintball and laser tag HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THE WAY? Isn't this like your second day in this town? I didn't even know where Ash Street was until like a week ago and it turned out to be 5 houses away from me and I've been living here for 7 years. (not a real street name but this legit happened to me). after I got there I went to my locker that I rented and put my backpack away and got out a mask Incidentally it's the same mask that is part of H2O Delirious' signature appearance. that I always would was so guys wouldn't play nice after signing in school was over I'm so fucking confused. I grad a gun I give it a grade F because it failed to backfire into Liz's face and I was team captin *bad accent* Ah, oui, capitan! of teaching guys how to play an how to use the paintball gun Cause guys are fricking useless and shooting guns is difficult. In the words of Elena from Uncharted, "You just point and shoot, right?".
And that's all that's of Chapter One. Phew, that took way longer than I thought. I hope you guys find that funny because I got halfway through and thought 'this is lame'.
Also, I starred the word shank because I'm not sure if it's used outside of my area.
Shank - to stab someone quickly and repeatedly