For financial reasons I chose to become a surrogate mom. I had no idea that it would change my life. I thought it was an easy way to earn money, but slowly, I was into something that resembled a dream. A nightmare!


4. The truths

A week passed before I woke up one morning and I felt that something was wrong. I ran to the toilet and I felt that my stomach turned upside down. I didn't puke, but I needed to do other needs, so I sat on the toilet seat. I gasped when I saw blood in my panties. I saw that it was dripping blood into the toilet. I panicked and quickly found my cell phone. I cried when Louis answered my call.
"I bleed!" I almost screamed in panic. Tears were running at my cheeks and I didn't know how I would describe how I felt. Louis realized it was serious.
"I'm calling to Anna and then I pick you up."


I lay on the hospital and I felt empty. I had a miscarriage and I heard Eleanor screamed at the doctor's outside my door.
"It's your fault!"
The doctor tried to calm her down.
"I told you earlier that this risk existed, it could be a miscarriage." he said. Eleanor didn't chose to listen to him.
"Cathy has done everything correctly so it's not her fault. She has barely left the apartment just because..."
I couldn't listen to them. Everything was my fault. I felt bad in my hole body, but I deserved it. Louis and Eleanor had given me everything and I hadn't been able to do what they wanted. I was a loser. I realized that this wouldn't be easy. I had to do everything from scratch and I was again forced to lie style in a month. I couldn't help but think about the cookbook as Louis had given to me. I realized that I had to eat less in order to not get fat because of all the days when I would sit still.


I was awakened by a hand moving through my hair. I opened my eyes and I met Louis's eyes. He sat next to my bed. It was dark outside and I realized that I had slept.
"How are you, love?" he asked gently. I didn't know what to say.
"I don't know?"
He smiled and he pulled away my bangs.
"You will have to remain here a week." he whispered sweet. "They want to make sure that nothing is left of the fetus in you or that you aren't going to get any complications."
I frowned.
"Louis, is that all you have to say?" I swallowed. "I lost your child and you should be mad at me?"
He smiled wryly and he shook his head.
"Don't you remember what the doctor said to us? It's common that such a thing happens and it's only to try again."
I couldn't think that far.
"The child is dead?"
He nodded.
"It just mean that he or she wouldn't be born." He spoke as if he thought that this was God's will. I was angry.
"It was a life?"
Louis nodded soothing.
"But we can't let a setback ruin everything?"
Okay, he meant that I had to do it all again? I swallowed and I tried to figure out what he was thinking.
"What did the doctor tell you more?"
He thought.
"He just said that it's normal. He said that in one month you are ready to once again try and maybe we have better luck then?"
I didn't know if I could, but I couldn't say no, not now that he had given me everything else.
"About a month?"
He nodded.
"Maybe in two months. It depends on how your body heals."




Eleanor came home to me with a big bag of groceries. She smiled big and she gave me a book about surrogate mothers.
"I have a solution." she said cheerfully and I saw how she picked out vegetables from the bag. "It says in the book that you need to eat healthy and then it says that you should train. Therefore, you and I go to the gym every morning and make so that your body keeps going."
I frowned. I saw broccoli that I hated and she even gave me tea which I hated.
"Are you serious?"
Eleanor laughed and she nodded happily.
"We'll fight and next time your body will be ready. We'll do everything in the book and you'll be healthy when we are once again trying."


I didn't own my body. I ended up owning it the same day I signed all the papers. Eleanor had many ideas of what we had done wrong and she was sure that I would follow her schedule. I would eat healthy food, I would train for two hours every day and I would drink disgusting cocktails which were beneficial for me. Everything just because my body wouldn't fall apart. I was tired of her after a week, but I swallowed my anger and I let her steer me. I saw rather forward when everything was over and I had to regain my own body.




"Eleanor just want your best."
I frowned and I looked coldly at Louis. He had come over to see how I was doing and he didn't understand how my life had become.
"She forces me to eat disgusting food." I said cool. "And I don't know about that exercise alters my body into something better?"
Louis laughed and he sat down on the other side of the kitchen table. He looked down at my teacup and plate with a disgusting tomato soup.
"I understand you!" he said, and he had to fight to keep from laughing. "But she's sure that this is the only right path."
I sighed and I gulped down some of the soup. I had to hold my nose every time I forced a spoon in his mouth. Louis saw how my face was making faces and eventually he began to laugh. He laughed so hard that he nearly went off the chair. I wasn't in the best mood and immediately I saw cold straight at him.
"You are crazy!" I snapped cold. "I regret that I said yes to you two."
He giggled and he understood that I didn't mean the words literally.

"I hadn't eaten that soup." he whispered hoarsely and amused. "I had thrown it away and eaten something else."
I sighed and I tried to smile. I knew I looked like fun.
"All my fridge is filled with her food and I have no choice."
Louis raised his eyebrows and he looked like a schoolboy who would find out to do something amiss.
"But she's a party tonight." he whispered, if she could hear us through the walls and all the way to their house. "How about pizza?"
I swallowed and I just stared at him. The word pizza got my mouth watering.
"Are you serious?"
He nodded and he looked down at my food.
"You deserve a little junk food after a week of that stuff."


Two hours later we were sitting in the kitchen fed and happy. Before us lay two empty pizza boxes and I felt good. It felt like I finally had a sense of life. My body was filled with unnecessary fats and I loved it.
"You look pleased?" Louis smiled at me and he licked his fingers. I laughed a little bit and I nodded happily.
"It was the best meal in a long time." I said tired. "Talk about that I have missed many good meals."
He laughed.
"We do it to an tradition." he said cheerfully. "Every time Eleanor's gone, I'm going over and we eat junk food?"
I agreed and I was on it.
"It sounds like music to my ears."




The doctor checked me and he was happy.
"You ovulate about a week and I see that it's time to try again."
I nodded a little bit.
"And the chances are that I get pregnant seriously this time?"
He smiled.
"We'll see!" he replied honestly. "It's just your body and the egg that can answer that question."
I understood that I had the same chance again. I sighed and I chose to just nod.




I got this time to be in my own bed during the first month. Louis paid so that I had someone with me all the time, and both Louis and Eleanor came over to me many times. Everything just to see how I was feeling. I felt spoiled and I didn't even go to the bathroom on my own. Talk about that they took everything seriously, which I should do. But it's not fun to just lie still and do nothing.


Louis came by with a book. It was about One Direction and he blushed a little bit.
"I thought you could read about me." he said a little iffy. "There are some facts in the book about me and it might make you feel a little better?"
I laughed a little bit.
"You mean I get to know you?"
He blushed.
I took the book. He sat on the edge of the bed and he smiled a little bit towards me.
"I know it's not easy for you, but this time it'll work."
I met his gaze.
"And if this doesn't work?"
He swallowed.
"I don't know!" he replied honestly. "Eleanor became like crazy and I'm afraid she can't handle one more miscarriage. She was close to giving up."
I was scared. She couldn't give up. What would happen to me? The idea was that I would stay there, close to them, and that I would give them a child.
"It's not your problem." Louis replied quickly. "It's I who have to put up with her and I promise nothing will change for you, no matter what happens."
I frowned and I went through all the contracts that I had signed.
"I'll give you a baby!" I said quickly. "I said yes to this and we will..."
Louis put his hand over my lips.
"It's one thing you don't know about."
I just stared at him. Louis smiled weakly and he swallowed.
"The doctor isn't sure, but they suspect that it's her eggs as are the real problem." he swallowed. "I have chosen to have that as a secret to Eleanor, because she's just would be devastated by the truth."
I swallowed and I realized that much was at stake.
"Do you mean that it's her....?"
Louis stopped me down.
"Yes, but this stays between us." he whispered seriously. "I don't know how I could tell her and she can't know about it. She wants to have children, and if I tell her the truth, she wouldn't do it."

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