Anakin Skywalker and the I-Won-The-Boonta-Eve-Podrace

Anakin Skywalker's perspective of "The Phantom Menace." Mostly played for laughs. Great insiparation from "Draco Malfoy And The Rejected Handshake," written by Mirlotta and her amazing co-authors. Enjoy!


12. Padme Is The Queen???!!!

For a kid who grew up on Tatooine, seeing a lake for the first time was even better than seeing the Queen. I just can't believe there are actually places in the galaxy where water laid on the ground without being instantly evaporated!

I looked around in shock. Here plants could grow wild and out in the open, not in some carefully managed moisture farm. Here it was so moist that you could actually feel the dampness on your skin and breathe the heaviness of the water vapor in the air!

Clouds blanketed the sky above and the mist hanging over the lake was as gay--Sorry, I meant gray--as Obi-Wan's personality. Surrounding the lake was a luscious swamp. In the distance I could see vast, grassy hills. In fact, this seemed even stranger than the skyscraper-ridden Coruscant!

Suddenly I felt homesick and alone. Why couldn't Mom be here to see this? And what about Kitster? Mom's eyes would bulge as she looked around in wonder. Kitster and I would be running around like headless chickens, touching the plants and splashing in the lake.

The lake may have been a strange and exotic place to me, but to Jar Jar it was home. With a giant splash he jumped into the water. Spectacular. I mean, I've never seen a splash before, and it looked brilliant. Someone said Jar Jar was a Gungan. Gungans lived in a city deep below the surface. Apparently the Gungans and Naboo didn't get along. But now Jar Jar was going on behalf of the Queen to plead for help in the battle she was about to fight.

It wasn't long before Jar Jar Binks came back to the surface. Needless to say, his odd ears and frog-ridden head were dripping with lake water. He told us the bad news: "Dare's nobody there. Da Gungan city is deserted! Some kinda fight, mesa tinks."

Suddenly I was surrounded by worried faces. Obi-Wan thought they were wiped out, but Jar Jar disagreed. "When in trouble, Gungans go to sacred place. C'mon, mesa show you!"

He began to lead us through the swamp. As we followed him in a single-file line, I kept my eyes on Padme and Qui-Gon. I would have dearly loved to talk to them, but it seemed like they were lost in thought.

Meanwhile, I could hear the grumbling around me that not everyone thought Jar Jar Binks knew where he was going. After all, this was the frog man who could never keep out of trouble, who tangled with a pit droid, who snagged a frog with his tongue and sent it flying in Sebulba's soup, who tends to zig when he plans to zag.

It wasn't long before he stopped, sniffed the air, and said we'd arrived. I looked around, but it still looked like a swamp.

Suddenly, out of the undergrowth, a dozen Gungans appeared wearing uniforms and riding kaadu. They were armed with spears holding electroballs. Apparently these aliens were on patrol. And they didn't seem pleased to see Jar Jar Binks. I wouldn't get why anyone would be, to tell you the truth. Mom says I'm not supposed to say stuff like that, but I...never mind. And to make matters worse, when Jar Jar Binks explained to the Gungans, the leader of the patrol warned us that if we went to the king of the Gungans, we'd all be in serious trouble.

"Mesa insist!" said Jar Jar Binks. The leader of the patrol reluctantly led us onward.

We followed the patrol leader to a place ridden with ancient gray stone ruins, partly covered by moss. Wow, even moss is a sight to behold!

Jar Jar Binks said this was the Gungan's--Gungans' sanctuary. I looked around, amazed, at all of the frog man's twins. Jar Jar Binks whispered that they were refugees seeking shelter from the wretched invasion. They had been driven out by the same wretched invasion.

We came to the remains of a huge stone temple, also covered in moss. Everywhere you looked there were giant Gungan heads carved from stone. Gungans must be pretty smart. Either that or they get a big head about everything. Get it? Big head? Mu-ha-ha!

If only Mom was here!

We stopped before a sour-faced Gungan sitting on a stone. "Dissen Boss Nass," Jar Jar Binks whispered. "King of da Gungans."

When Boss Nass saw us and Jar Jar Binks, he immediately had a frowny face.

Queen Amidala stepped forward. "I am Queen of Naboo. I come in peace!" Oops, wrong quote. But same concept.

"Jar Jar Binks," said the Gungan king. "How dare you bring yousens. Yousa bringin' da makineeks. Yousa all bombad."

Bombad? I'm not bad at all! I'm just a sweet little boy. Everyone knows that.

"Yousa bein' put to death!" the king said.


Gungans surrounded us. We were outnumbered! Have I come all this way just to die? Yet Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan looked unbothered by the threat. If they weren't worried, I knew I could relax.

The biggest surprise of all was yet to come. Queen Amidala started to say something about "forming an alliance" when Padme stepped up!

"Whosa are yousen?" Boss Nass asked. My, another rhyme!

And Padme said the darndest thing: (drum roll)

"Your Honor, I am Queen Amidala!"

What?! Padme, the Queen? This doesn't make sense!

"The girl behind me dressed as the Queen is my decoy!"

I'm glad Padme wasn't looking in my direction, because she would have seen me pass out!

In some strange way I was connected to the Queen! That made me feel even more important than I already was. It makes me wonder:

Who am I? And what am I destined to become?

It wasn't long before I gained consciousness. I heard Padme begging for their help to trash the droid army. Then she bowed to the Gungan king, as did the guards. Then the handmaidens and the Jedis. In fact, I was the first to bow!...well I wasn't but I imagined I was.

Boss Nass began to laugh. "Yousa no tink yousa greater than ussens! Mesa like this!" So that's why they didn't get along? Jeez. "Maybe wesa bein' friends!" Then he flapped his jaw and released slobber...which landed on us. Man, that was just creepy!

And suddenly I saw Padme in a new light. Not only was she beautiful, she was also a skilled leader.

To me she was even more than an angel.

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