3. A Baby Step
It was a quite ride in the cabbie. Neither Harry or I went to say a word, I could tell that he was still hurt by my reaction earlier. But he wasn't going to let it show, nor would he comment on it, he never did. It wasn't like this was the first time its happened. He tried to kiss me before. But I wasn't quite ready yet. We had only been seeing each other for 10 months. I knew that at this point most couples had slept together. But that wasn't us. We had only kissed once, once when I was really drunk and really stupid. That was a mistake on my part, yet I did't blame Harry for kissing me that night. I liked it. It sent my whole body on fire, with flames licking me from my lips to my toes. It was the most delicious kiss I had ever had. And I knew that he felt the same way. I guess that I'm scared to fully commit myself to him. I was scared that his need for me was strictly physical, that if I let him inside my walls he would take what he wanted then leave. And I would be alone. Even though the more rational part of me was saying that Harry wouldn't do that, but the darker more insecure part of me keep whispering that it was still a possibility.
"Sarah? Sarah? Are you still with me?" his voice brought me out of my train of thought
"What? Sorry Harry, I was just thinking." I replied.
I couldn't tell him the truth, I couldn't let him know that I was thinking about the time he kissed me, and I let him. If he knew that I remembered the kiss when I acted like I was too drunk to remember anything from that night. It would kill him. "Oh..... Nothing really....... I'm just thinking about how excited I am to finally meet you friends and family." I smiled after saying it.
"I'm excited for you to finally meet them too!" A smile began to play across his features. "I've told them so much about you. And they think you sound quite lovely! Wait tell they actually get to meet you!" He now had a boyish grin and a light in his eyes. I smiled at his excitement, and wondered why it was so hard to give myself to him. Soon I promised myself. Soon. Baby steps for now.
The cabbie soon came to a halt outside of a giant building with Gordon Ramsay in silver lettering. I followed Harry out of the cab, slipping under the back umbrella that he had waiting for me. As we turned to walk into the restaurant a sudden flash of instinct took over me as a grabbed Harry's hand. His body tensed up in surprise before he turned to look down at me a large smile plastered to his face. I looked up at him with a smile on my face. Although on the inside I was silently screaming at myself for doing that. What the hell was I thinking?! I said baby steps. Not a giant leap! Although I did like holding his hand. It was quite a bit larger then mine, and it was comfortably enfolded in his. It was warm, and felt safe. We had never held hands before. I mean sure he had grabbed my hand to help me out of a car before. But never had we held hands in a romantically situation. And certainly not for this long. But as we continued to walk I knew that I could get used to holding his hand.