One year ago
I pushed the two heavy bodies off of my petite one onto the floor of the entryway. I smiled at my two older brothers as they rose laughing. I swear their laugh is contagious as I soon discovered a laugh erupting from me too.
“Get out of here and hit the road!” I yelled at them both and pushed them out the door jokingly.
“I was going to give you a hug but-“Vic started then he turned around and I grabbed him and hugged him with all my might. I inhaled his strong sent that he’d always had ever since I was small.
“I’ll miss you” I said to him them hugged Mike. Oh Mike he was always my big body guard of a brother and knowing what to do.
“I’ll be here waiting for you! So you better be back soon!” I whispered in his ear. He smiled and promised he would and in a blink of any eye my two older brothers where off ready to start their lives as rock stars as I stood in the front door on my apartment with my art supplies behind me ready to start mine. I looked down and smiled seeing a small puppy in the corner of the hall! He is so cute with his pointy brown and black ears and a fluffy tail.
“Hey, Stephanie! cómo han youve sido ver a mi amigo me dio este cachorro y no tengo ningún sitio para él ! Debería haber pensado lo tiró mejor, honsetly , lo quieres ?!” (Hey, Stephanie! how have you’ve been see my friend gave me this puppy and I don’t have any room for it! I should have thought threw it better, honestly, do you want it?!)
I shook my head up and down vigorously and smiled at Tom he was always so sweet to me ever since me and the boys where smaller he is portirican and American. He usually speaks American. His short chubby self skidded across the hall corner and down stairs.
I smiled at the small puppy at least I got you…Phoenix!”
One year later
“MIKE, VIC!!!!!!” I yelled at them springing off of my skateboard with Phoenix behind me trotting happily.
“Steph!” They both yelled and hugged me tight.
I pulled out of the hug and noticed two other figures behind Mike’s skyscraper like body.
It clicked- they were the band members! Duh.
“I’m Stephanie but you can call me Steph!” I pronounced joyfully.
I grinned at the one with spiky black hair. I looked over the other and examined him from head to toe. His brown eyes and adorable face had my knees weak not to mention that beautiful smile! Wholly Shit! Who is this God! I just stood there and stared while he stared back. I realized what he was doing as well so, I raised an eyebrow and smirked dismissively. While he smirked and put his head down!
“Woo hooo spicy eh?!” The spiky one yelled causing me to erupt out laughing while the tattoo covered one just smiled. Mike and Vic on the other hand gave a death glare to the one with all the tattoos.
“I’m Jamie the enchilada compared to all these tacos!” The spiky one stated and hugged me.
All of our bodies where closely huddled around the small coffee table. Everyone drinking but me. I sat in the side looking at all the smiles that where spreading across their faces. My heart ached with the feeling of wanting fun. All I’ve ever seemed to do is be stressed and sorry about everyone’s opinion. I want to be….extemporaneous.
Tony’s laugh rang through the house like as Jamie was on top of Mike’s body. Mikes squirming hands tried to pry off a squealing Jamie.
“Off!” He hollered still trying to reach for his drink.
“Fine!” Jamie pouted racing over to Phoenix in the corner who was totting happily to Jamie. Jamie’s laughter rang through the house, he wouldn’t stop laughing as Phoenix jumped on top of him and as for Tony he smile was smeared over his lips across from me the whole time.
I looked up at Tony feeling a pit in my stomach and my hands getting tingly. His tattoos and eyes mixed with that adorable smile was all I seemed to see. It was like an undeniable tunnel vision I had for him. No matter how many times I tried to look away my eyes where looked upon his adorable face. He looked up at me and I pried my gaze to Phoenix who was charging at Tony like a bull.
Phoenix barked jumping on top of Tony making him spill his beer on his shirt and as a result a happy Phoenix trying lick it off making Tony squeal in embarrassment. A giggle escaped my own lips as he tried to get up under Phoenix.
I got up slowly and called Phoenix over to me. I picked her up and put her on Jamie’s lap to play with. I looked down at my back ripped up shorts and I smoothed out my white tank top before walking over to Tony. I walked up to him and smiled.
“Let’s go get you cleaned up.” I said and walked next to him. He walked back next to me sating at the small tattoo that I had peeking out from under my shirt at the bottom.
I walked into the laundry room getting a clean tank top from Mike’s clothes basket. I looked up to him and smiled slowly handing him the tank top.
“W-what’s your tattoo?” Tony whispered looking at me while putting on his tank top. I looked down at my hip.
“It’s a quote by Hellen Keller that says “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” With a swirling birds around it.” I said looking down at it with tearing eyes.
“Why that, if I may ask.” he said looking down at me.
“When Vic left with Mike to tour I was alone and my best friend well ex best friend-Brianna-she… gave me a tough time. She verbally abused me for years and I believed it. I tried to stop and get over it but it seems like I never could. I looked in the mirror everyday feeling depressed of disappointed in myself. It’s like I was worthless. The horror struck moments didn’t happen yet until I wrote a letter explain why I felt the way I did to myself. I read it a couple months ago and it sounded like I wanted to…die. Another girl named Ariel started to talk to me. She was my solider. She would protect me from my self-thoughts. She helped me day after day to finally walk up to Brianna. We broke our friendship it turned out that she was jealous of me. That is why she that did to me. I tore me apart it seemed as if Ariel was always there for me until a couple weeks after she died in a car crash. T-this tattoo was for her in her memory and symbolizes what happened during that time. The bird symbolized that she c-carried me…in a w-way.” I finished looking down silently crying feeling the motions start to rise up into me and explode into a down fall any moment now I ran into the bedroom not wanted to cry in front of Tony.
I didn’t want him to perceive me as a weak fragile girl with no back bone. Hearing his footsteps behind me as I slid against the wall curling into a little ball of nothing, I sit their gushing tears. I saw Tony’s black vans in front of my blurry vision. His tall body sat down next to me his warm fingers wrapped around mine to hold.
“I’ve held all the bloody monsters in body tearing away at me from the inside out from what she said and what I believed. It’s disgusting. I’ve loved her like sister and now that Ariel’s gone… I’m sacred. Scared of what I will believe or what I will do. Take away the pain, Tony…please.” I begged him leaning against his shoulder sobbing uncontrollably feeling the wet tears streaming down my face.
“It’s one of the worst but, best feeling in the world crying. It lets almost the entire bile emotions flood out of you…letting it go. It’s also the worst because you may look and seem broken but in reality your healing, stronger, than you where before. I can’t take away you pain Stephanie.” He finished looking down at me with glossy eyes. His fingers brushed against my arms making me feel protected and …his.
“But you know I will try Stephanie, I will always try.”