I’m walking down the street with Eli in cat form on his leash. I’m looking at my phone. I’ve called Zar three times over the last four hours. I’m seriously getting upset. If she ever misses a call by me, she calls back within twenty minutes, no matter what. At first I was just calling to see if she wanted to get some lunch after I went to the track, but now I’m just plain scared. I try calling her again.
“Come on, come on, come on, Zar! Pick up!” I will her.
“Hi! It’s Zara. I can’t pick up right now, but I’m sure I’ll get back to you soon! And if it’s Mich, no, I’m not going skydiving, no matter how much you pay me!” Her phone says. I sigh at the old joke. I used to always find it funny, but now it just reminds me how long it’s been since she picked up. I hang up and call Jules instead.
“Yes, Mich? What do you want?” She answers slightly annoyed sounding. And here I was thinking we put it all behind us.
“Have you gotten through to Zar lately?” I ask her.
“I’ve called her four times in the last four hours, and she still hasn’t picked up!”
“Are you forgetting the fact that she and Ivan are on their honeymoon? People like to be alone on their honeymoons. Ya know, with each other.”
“Jules, they’re having a Russian honeymoon, it’s different from an American or British or whatever honeymoon you and Artie are on right now.”
“W-what?! We’re not on honeymoon! What would make you think th-”
“Julie, Mama didn’t raise no fool.” I say into the receiver.
“Well, okay. How do they spend it?”
“It’s like a cottage getaway. You spend time alone together yeah, but unlike English honeymoons, the sex is optional.”
“Where are you?! You better not be saying that in a public place!”
I giggle. “Jules, chillax. My cross to bear, not yours. So it’s a no?”
“Yeah, sorry. But maybe you should lighten up? I’m sure she’s just doing other things.”
“Mmhmm. Okay, well thanks. You can go back to having coitus with Arthur now.”
“H-how did you know?!”
“Your voice is husky, you’re breathless, and it’s your honeymoon. I can put two and two together and get four, Jules. Lates!” I say, hanging up. I try calling Russia.
“You have nots been seeing her either?” He asks.
“Sorry big man, haven’t seen her.”
“She was ats home last time we talked, she’s not there?”
“I called, she would have picked up by now. You think something might have happened?”
“Should I checks her scarf location?”
“I would think it might help.” I say, sarcastically. I chastise myself. ‘Chelle, he’s just as scared as you are, give it a rest for two seconds.’
“You are rights, I will check.”
“Aight, just text me her location once you find her, K?”
“Yes alrights. Good bye.”
“Later.” I hang up the phone. I feel a slight tug lifting my arm up a little, indicating that Eli just became a dude again.
“No luck, dearest?” He asks.
“None. It’s like she disappeared off the face off the earth.”
“You’ll find her. I’m sure she’s fine.”
“Mm. Yeah, I guess. Shrink back down, the collar must be suffocating.”
“Tiniest bit, love.” He says, kissing my cheek. He shrinks back down and I get a text from Ivan.
‘Scarf location is offline. I don’t know where she is.’
‘My money’s on those two douchenozzles, Cole and Derick. Seriously, why haven’t they been kicked out of Hetalia World? It just seems logical, don’t ya think?’
‘Da. I will keep looking.’
‘Aight, me 2. L8r.’
I look up to see where I’m going, and once again I almost walked past a major plot device. Typical.
“Nani?” I ask, tilting my head. Up ahead is, I’m not even sure.
America and his 2p look about three seconds away from a fist fight, Prussia is making bets with Denmark and Turkey about who’s going to win, and Japan’s taking pictures. I sigh, and head over.
“So why are you yelling at me if she broke up with you?!” Al shouts at Allen.
“Because you’re the reason she broke up with me!”
“It’s not my fault she thinks I’m hot!”
“Why you little shit!”
“Am I… missing something here?” I ask Prussia, crossing my arms and watching the two american idiots. (Green Day reference! XP)
“Apparently ze original America doesn’t like ze 2p America, and vice versa! Somezing to do vith you and your 2p. By the vay, did you like your membership card?”
I smile at him. “Yeah, thanks! I really appreciate it. In fact, I just got back. Hey, dude, you don’t know where Zar is, do you?”
“Cannot say I do. Although, zis might be a slightly more pressing matter at ze moment. I’m pretty sure zat zey vill rip each ozer limb from limb.” He says, gesturing back to the two Als. I roll my eyes, and get between the two before fists start flying. I push them apart.
“Alright, show’s over. Get your bettings from Prussia, thanks for coming out, don’t forget to tip your waitresses and all that.” I say to Turkey, Denmark and Japan. Japan walks away looking at his camera while Den and Turk begrudgingly give Prussia some money. “What did you bet on, Prush?” I ask him.
“Zat ze fight vouldn’t even happen! Haha! No one can beat ze great Prussia!”
I laugh. “Oh man, you’re almost as bad as America.”
“Excuse me, I’m right here!” Al says. I look up at him.
“You’re right, you are. And so is your 2p, and you were about to fight! I wouldn’t talk right now if I was you.” I say to him. I walk over to Prussia. “Thanks for stopping them. And thanks for the card. It was really sweet.”
“No problem. I needs to go zough, Vest vanted somezing.”
“Later.” I say, waving as he walks off.
“Was he hitting on you? Are you two dating, how far have you gone?” Al says, looming over me.
“Shut it, Jones.” I sigh, and turn around. “What were you two fighting about now?”
“He’s the reason that Mick broke up with me!” Allen says. I know notice that he is slightly intoxicated. I mean slightly by an Irishman's standards.
“Dude! It’s not my fault, she came onto me!”
“It’s not just that! She always liked you better than me and-and-and-”
“And you loved her.” I say quietly. He looks at me, and breaks down crying. I rush to him, and help him stand up. “Okay, big guy, let’s go sober you up.” I say. I turn to Alfred. “We’ll talk later.” I half carry, half drag Allen to a Starbucks with Eli at my heels, and get him some coffee. We sit down, and he looks up at me through half closed eyes.
“Thank you, Mich. I’m just… still adjusting.”
“It’s okay, big guy. Let’s just focus on getting you sober enough to walk home.”
He smiles at me. “You’re a good friend, you know that right?”
I smile at him, resting my head on one hand. “I try.”