The wedding ceremony was going pretty good. At least, I think it was. I kinda dozed off while standing up. I was woken up by a loud sniffle from right next to me. I look at the person next to me. It’s America. While the bride and groom are exchanging vows, I lean over and whisper, “Dude, stop crying you’re a full grown man, geez. I’m not even crying.”
He gives me what I guess is supposed to be a death glare, but through his blurry eyes, he just looks like a puppy dog. I take pity on him.
“Aw, don’t worry hun, our wedding won’t be this emotional.” I whisper then look back at the happy couple. I think I hear Al choke on his own tongue. I smile, but it doesn’t last long. The next second, I feel like I’m getting sucked through another black hole door.
‘Shit, are we going through another universe portal?’ I think. I find myself and the others in some dark hallway.
“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I mutter under my breath. “Shit, I am really not dressed for adventuring right now.”
We walk down the corridor until we come to a room with three people, Prussia sucking face with some chick, and another chick who gives Zara a chainsaw.
“Uh, bad move!” I shout to her, but she’s already gone.
Soon, we find another door. On this side though, is Derick and Cole, Julie tied to a chair but without a gag and blindfold, so kinda ineffective, and some other dudes that kinda look like Matt, Al, Ivan, Francey-pants, and Arty. Obviously, this is going to end in blood. Derick, being the wimp he is, sicks his clones on us. I somehow end up face to face with a douchebag copy of Al, while the original Al is crumpled on the floor.
“Gee, what would I do without my heroic boyfriend?” I say sarcastically. The douchenozzle smiles , and chuckles condescendingly.
“Funny. You seem like a decent girl. I hate to kill you.” He says, quoting The Princess Bride.
“You seem like a decent fellow. I hate to die.” I quote back. He smirks. I quickly throw the first punch. We talk while we fight.
“So, you’re the 2p version of my boyfriend, huh?” I say, kicking him in the side.
“Yeah. And you’re the 1p version of my gal.” He says, catching me with a right hook.
“There’s a 2p version of me?” I ask, sweeping his legs out from under him.
“Yeah. Her name’s Micky. She poisons people with arsenic cake.” He says, getting back up and wiping blood from his lip.
I nod my head to one side. “That’d be the way to do it.”
“Thing is, she’s a bit of a pacifist stick in the mud. I like a girl with more spunk, like you.” He says, pulling a baseball bat with spikes in it seemingly out of nowhere.
“Hey, where’d you get-” I start to say, but am cut off when he jabs it into my stomach, one of the nails going in. I stagger backwards a bit in shock.
“Not so high and mighty now, are you.” The 2p smirks at me. Gosh, I hate it. I look down, and wrench the baseball bat out of my stomach, the nail was about three inches in. I look back up.
“Sweetheart, I’m just getting started.” I say, swinging the bat at his head. I hit the side of it and he falls. Lucky for him, all the nails missed his head. “Fucker.” I mutter down at his unconscious body. I look around and see the fight has ended, and everyone’s talking to Jules.
“Aww, she’s turning out like Iggy.” Al says from besides me. I lean on him. Guys, this is no time for cutiesy-shmutiesy crap. I’m bleeding. I make this clear to everyone.
“Hey guys, I love that everyone is safe and stuff, and I’m glad we get to watch the ceremony again and I get to see Al cry like a baby again, but I’m kinda bleeding out of a stab wound in my stomach right now, and this all would be a lot better if we addressed that maybe?” I say, clutching at my bleeding stomach. ‘Have you people really been that blind to the shit storm going on around us that I have to point out that I’m bleeding extensively?’ I think.
“Let’s go take a look.” Zar says to me.
“Thanks.” I mutter.
“You know,” she says after a while. “you ruined the moment.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ll try to keep that in mind the next time I have a three inch deep stab wound in my abdomen.”
“Just saying. And I expect you to be at the re-wedding tomorrow.”
“What? No, I’m pretty sure I’ll be in extensive care. Zarrie, I’ve lost a lot of blood. Besides, we can always just send Jules the photos.”
“No, we’re redoing it. I want the perfect wedding. We’re redoing it, maid of honor.” She said, looking at me coldly.
“What happened to you?” I ask her.
“What do you mean?’ She asks, tying the bandage around my stomach just tight enough to be slightly uncomfortable.
“I mean, you’ve changed Zar. You used to always think about me before everything else, and I would for you too. Now you’re, like, worrying about your wedding and wanting to redo it just because your friend didn’t show up, and expecting me to be there when you know fully well that I physically won’t be able to.”
“No.” I say. She looks up. “I’m your best friend, remember? Remember all the times I helped you out of arguments with your parents? Or let you spend nights, or even weeks, at my house when your parents annoyed you, even though my parents didn’t think it was a good idea? Or how I helped you get Triple H’s autograph? Or when I would wake up at 3 am just to sneak over to your house to help you cope with bad break ups? For six years? Does all of that mean jack shit now that you met someone on a plane ride to Ukraine? Really?”
“Whatever, let’s just go.” She says, standing up and walking over to Ivan.
“Well.” I say quietly. “I guess I just got my answer.”