Please read and critique this poetry


1. Please read this, my poetry!

You can tell where each new poem starts because of the large gaps in between them.

A widow mourns

Her shadow hunches now

Finally forsaken

Even after all the precautions she's taken

What used to be her bed of love

Has now morphed into her crown of thorns

She can't bear to get back up

Eternally she mourns

While she unknowingly caresses the devil's horns

We could spend all day

Hangin' out and getting caught

Beneath the rain

But it's much more fun

To bask beneath the indoor sun

When I'm with you

Because the best part about us

Is when I see

Your hair falling around you perfectly

The worst part of my day

Is when I'm forced to break away

And shake hands with society

Because who needs sobriety

When I'm got your gravitational love fluttering in my heart like a dove?

It's a fine thing we have

And oh, I'm so glad

We can finally say

That we took our breath away

To separate just wouldn't do justice

To what we have because

This little thing called Love

Is what I like about us.

A drop of starbursts

Impacts the nebula

In a cosmic way

That's just so forever

I can't bear to whether

The thought of being together

'Cause the time we shared

With each other

Is like a bird

With no wings

He sings

Of sorrow and longing

Yearning to get going

Wishing he could fly

Oh, he can only hide

The way he feels

Because this pain is almost surreal

It breaks him

And takes all he been waiting for

And twists and breaks it more

Than he cared, than he ever dared to share

He can't cry

All he can do is die

So until the end

He avoids the pain

And instead he swoons the rain

And he sings

I'm not the most poetic

In fact my rhymes are pretty pathetic

But these thoughts are symptomatic

Of the evil writhing in the attic

Of my brain

Always I strive and strain

And struggle to beat the pain

I beat it back but despite my

Honest intentions it just keeps coming back

It's whack

All these things that I do

To keep from losing a screw

A marble or two

I'm about to unglue

In front of all of you

But of course there's always this one thing

To be kept in mind

There is a hope

For those in Christ

I think you'll find the evil

Is much less ploying

For attention

When you've got the Son of God for your intervention

No, I'm not the most poetic

But, as a matter of fact,

I'll get better with time

To not be the best is never a crime

And these thoughts are symptomatic

Of the light flourishing in the basement

Of my heart.

This Love is infectious

This Hope is perfection

What beauty and grace

To have such great faith

In a God who adores you

Holds you and implores you

To Love and to hold

The hand of the old

The meek

The young

The poor

The sore

Those without this Love we must aid

'Cause without Jesus their debts won't be paid

And they'll be somewhere horrible

Cut off from life, from the light that exists

From Love that the Godhead emits

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