"I liked that a lot."
The tape stop playing. Silence. Is Louis... gay? I mean he was so into girls, but he never loved them, just liked them.
My mouth begins to become dry again and the field doesn't feel right at all anymore. It doesn't feels right to be here, on a football field where my dead best friend used to play on. I need to be somewhere with more meaning... the club in Manhattan. That's where I need to be, but I have no idea where in Manhattan is it. Who would know?
I stand up, dusting myself off and pick up the box, stepping down the bleachers, the note Louis wrote falls. Luckily, not between the bleachers, but on. I pick it up and realize something was written on the other side of the small slip of paper.
7237 City rd. _____ - the club
I couldn't make out half of it, but it's exactly what I wanted. I guess Louis known who ever was gonna listen to these tape will want to visit a place so lively and dare to Louis. Once I hit the ground, I start walking to the train station closest to me, which is a few blocks away. The street lights are on and it's dead silent, it's almost looks like a scene in a horror movie. I begin to pick up my speed, as I walk down the street and turn a block.
Soon, the train station was in sight and I ran towards it, ready to get on the next train to Manhattan. A hour long ride, but I need to do it for Louis. After I payed, I see a large clock, it read 9:32. Shit, parents probably wondering where I am. Spotting a payphone, I put in a quarter, poking in my house number.
"Hello?" A voice says from the other side of the line, the voice that belongs to my mothers. Her voice sound soft and tired.
"Mom, hey, it's Kian. I forget to tell you, but I'm spending the night at Zayn's, to finish a project," I lie, scratch my head and run my hand though my hair. Some bad habits, I do when I lie. Luckily, my mother isn't there to see.
"Um it's a school night though, you got Louis's funeral tomorrow," she says, yawning.
"I know, I'll stop by in the morning and I brought a change of clothes," I say, rubbing the back of my sweaty neck.
"Fine, honey, have a good night," she gives in, yawning once more.
"Thanks, love you," I declare.
"Love you too," she ends the call.
I jump on the train and with the time I have, I figure I can listen to the next tape. So, I take a empty sit and pop in tape three.
So, between the time of then and what I thought was a date with Harry, Ellie broke up with me, saying while she still likes me and whatever, she doesn't have time. Her parents got mad when she performed poorly on her last math test, they claim it was because of a distraction named Louis.
Which wasn't really true, when she got a A- in double honors math, that actually was insanely high for that class, but parents are crazy these days.
I can't even get that high on a normal math class test, never mind double honors math.
But anyways, we are friends to this day, we say hi to each in the hallways, when we see each other. Which isn't common because our lockers are in two different hallways, but it happens.
Anyways, her name was Marina and she was crazy for me. She was very high on the social ladder.
Oh that Marina. She's dating Niall now.
She always had a thing for me and I guess I could say I had a thing for her too. She was pretty hot.
Never loved her like you did Harry.
So once she heard I was single, again, she went for it, again. When I was single (wasn't usual), she tried to ask me out, but I always said no, until now. She was adorable, hard-headed. I guess I had a thing for headstrong girls. She wasn't one of those snout cheerleaders, she truthfully loved her friends and family and was a genuine person.
She is very close to her family and they support her in everything. I never met them though.
That night was the football game and of course she was gonna be their, being the captain of the cheer leading team and all. After school, we planned to go for a walk in the park and talk a bit before we had to get ready.
She has this thing with parks. I dated her before. She had basically dated the whole basketball team and most of the football team. She brought me to her neighborhood park a couple times, we only dated for about three weeks though.
Once school got out at two, I met up with her in front of the school building, near the front doors, she was alone, leaning against a pole.
"Hey. Ready?" I asked, grabbing her hand, pecking her lips.
"Totally," she smiled, lacing our fingers together.
"So where is this park?" I questioned her, as we started walking down the sidewalk.
"Right around the corner," she claimed, as we walk on the street, turning the curve. A small park appears, seems like a popular after school hang out, sense a hand full of school age kids with book packs, are sitting on the benches and were all over the play set.
"I never known there was a park here," I said, walking hand and hand, along the pathways of the park.
"Not many people do, but I don't know, I like this park, it's quiet and let's you think." she said, reaching out and touch the flowers bubs.
"Why do you like parks so much?" I asked.
Oh my god, something we are all wondering.
"It's just a nice spot to just sit and think. Makes you question a lot," she looks at me with her ocean blue eyes, that match mine. I sort of got lost in them.
"So what do you question than?" I ask, still drooling over her pretty eyes.
Your so confusing Louis.
"Lots of things," she smirks.
"Like what you were thinking about last time you were here?" I questioned her, walking down a path frosted by trees.
"Um, sounds weird, but I was thinking about Nirvana and how Kurt killed himself," she said. My eyes grow wide and my heart starts beating fast.
My heart starts picking up too, as I stare out the window over the shining buildings and street lights. Why would she think that?
"Why would you think of that?" I asked, nervously. Was she thinking about doing the same?
"I know it sounds weird, but like just I was wondering why he killed himself. He was in a band, got tons of fans, a wife, everything," She shared, brushing a stain of hair out of her face, "Like maybe he just wanted to be heard."
I tighten the grip on her hand.
"Wait, why would he want to be heard? What did he want the world to hear?" I questioned her, breaking into a sweat.
"Maybe he didn't like singing or he was depressed and it was a cry for help. More people listen when you're dead," She stops me in my track and looks deep into my eyes.
Cry for help. More people listen when you're dead. Louis hanging himself. Did he just want attention? But for what? I rub the back of my neck, hair sticks to it, and I turn red. I look like I just finished running a three minute mile.
"Um, sweets, are you alright?" A middle-aged woman, who's sitting next to me, asks. I rub some of the dripping sweat off of my forehead, pressing pause.
"Yeah, thank you for asking," I give her a small smile. She goes back to reading her book.
I take a deep breathe and press the play button.
"More people listen when you're dead," I whispered to myself, "More people listen when you dead."
I guess you can say that was moment I realized something, that people listen when you're dead because that's a legacy, people care because you have no more chances to do something on earth. No more chances to change the world. But when someone commits suicide, that's when people really listen because it's heartbreaking and for someone to do something like that, there must be a reason behind it.
Louis but what is your legacy? You dated so many girl, that you killed yourself?
"Oh my, it's almost four o'clock, we need to head back and warm up and everything," She reads her watch.
"Yeah," I agreed and hand and hand we walked back to the school to get ready.
Entering the locker rooms, I spot Zayn, who's shirtless. Kian is right next to him, smiling.
Talking about me in third person aye? I don't know if these were suppose to go to me. Well no going back now, I rub my eyes, tired.
"Hey, gonna go to the party that Liam's holding after the game?" Kian questioned.
House parties after games are always held at Liam's extra house. Parents are rich, they own about five houses in the richest neighborhood in town.
I couldn't answer I'm meeting a guy in the city, they would totally think I'm crazy.
No we wouldn't think you're crazy for meeting a guy in the city. We think you're crazy for killing yourself.
"Um, no, my mom and I are having movie night. I promised her I'd be home by seven," I lie and they actually believed it too.
Didn't help you were a really good liar.
"Fine, be a party pooper," Zayn pats me hard on the back. After putting on his padding.
"My middle name is party pooper," I claim, opening up my locker.
"Whatever guys, we gotta get ready, coach is in a bad mood because the people at the coffee shop screwed up his coffee," Kian chuckles, sliding his jersey over all the padding.
I remember that game, Louis made two touchdowns in matter of fourteen minutes. That's a lot. He was awesome at football. Maybe the best player on the team.
I'm not gonna go to in depth with the whole football game, we won twenty-seven to eleven. Coach got another coffee so he was happy and Marina kissed me after I made a touchdown; so I got two kisses. I would say it was a good game.
After, I rushed home after that and took a shower. Changing into a white t-shirt, black skinny jeans, vans, and I headed out. Parents were working a night shift at the hospital, so no need to worry about them. I race down to the train and hop on getting the next one to Manhattan.
Maybe I'm the same train as him, maybe I'm sitting in the same spot he sat in. Oh my god, that's a bit creepy.
But I do understand one thing that Louis said many times before, the city is beautiful at night.
Once I got into the club, it was crowded, at least for eight o'clock. I look around for the green eyed boy, spotting him at the bar. I walk over, nerves kicking in. At this point I feel like barfing, like I didn't realize how nervous I was.
"Erm, hello?" I touch his shoulder, sitting in the bar stroll next to him. Kate catches my eye and gives me two thumbs ups for support paired with a wide grin.
"Louis! Hey," He smirked, his green eyes sparked.
Oh my god Louis. You have a thing for eyes don't you?
"H-h-hey, so are you gonna show me a-around the city?" I asked, smiling. As you can tell I'm made a fool out myself. He studied my face, his smirk faded.
"Do you realize how cute you are when you're nervous?" he said. For some reason, I felt special and I started to blush, like I actually liked this person, like I wanted to be his.
Louis you there? Louis you had a girlfriend at that time. Remember Marina?
"Um um," I mumbled, lost for words. Wonder how many people he said that to before.
"Let's go," he said, lacing our fingers together, I shuffle a bit, "You okay?"
"Aren't we gonna be beat up for holding hands?" I asked, mentally slapping myself in the face.
"Well that's always possible, but that also happened to another boy and girl. Gay, straight, black, white. Anyone can get slapped," he says, exiting the loud, crowded club. Stepping onto the the walk way.
Well, that was one of kind answer. Never thought about it that way.
We walk in silence for a few moments, but it wasn't awkward silence, it was that peaceful silence.
"So tell me about yourself," I said, looking at the gleaming lights.
"Um, well, I'm pretty average. Parents fights, drinks, go to school sometimes. I'm an honor roll student, even know I skip sometimes, everything comes really easily, so it gets boring. But I haven't went on a date in years, since I came out," he smiled.
Honor roll? Man, what do I know?
A weight is taken off my shoulders, he's hasn't went on a date in years. Really happy about that, I know I sound mean, but it means he doesn't just go around, girl to girl, or in this case, boy to boy.
"That really awesome," I smiled.
"So what about you?" he asked.
"Um, well I play football... Um I get pretty good grades, high enough to impress my parents, but not like honor roll high," I say, not including anything about Marina or the fact I haven't even thought about being gay or coming out.
Well you're on a date with a guy now, so you might want to think about it. I lean my head against the cold window glass, still as red as a tomato.
"That's really cool, I've seen you play. You're are extremely good at the sport, I can see you playing professionally in the future," He said, tighten his grip on my hand.
"Thank you," butterflies are flying in my stomach, oh my.
"So let me show you a few of my favorite spots," Harry declares, opening a door to a record shop called 'Records n Stuff' for me, walking in behind me.
The place is really cool, just a small shop covered in posters and filled with flannel records. On the counter sits a young girl, around my age, reading a magazine. She's dressed like Harry, dark colored clothing. But one thing about Harry he wears bright colored beanies, which I don't mind. He sort of looks cute in them. We are the only ones in the shop.
Cute? Anyways, Louis... Marina. Remember her?
"This place is cool," I go through a box of records. Harry is going through a small box filled with tapes.
"Yeah, I come in here every once and awhile," he claimed, pulling out a tape.
"What's that?" I question.
"Magic, one of the best bands there is," he smiles, handing me the tape.
"Never heard of them," I said, handing it back.
"A lot of people haven't, we can give it a listen later," He says, walking to the counters, pulling out seven dollars. The girl jumps off the counter, going behind the cashier.
"Will that be it today?" She said, he nods.
She hands him the tape back with in a small brown paper bag that has printed 'records' on it.
"Have a good night," Harry says, exiting the shop with me, hand and hand.
"Where to next?" I question, starting to mend to the whole gay thing.
Louis has a crush on Harry? I mean the seem cute together, already. But Louis gay... surprising.
"Let's see, want to go to my place?" He asks.
"Um, you have your own apartment?" I questioned, surprised.
"Well, my parents bought it and just in case they ever have a huge fight. One goes there and one stays at the house. They are out with their own friends, so they shouldn't end up there tonight," Harry explained.
"Um than, sure," I agreed, he smiled widely. We begin walking, I stop, pulling him back, "Like if we are just gonna sex than I ... don't want to go... I'm not trying to be rude, just I'm not ... ready."
So wait you are now thinking about having gay sex. Too fast.
"Hey, hey. We're not even official yet. I-we won't do anything till you are ready," He brushes my cheek with his hand, holding up my chin. Then, I go for it, I kiss him, in the middle of the sidewalk. My thin lips on his soft lips, the kiss was beautiful.
I pull back, shocked what I just did. I couldn't hold it back any longer, "Whoa," I said.
"I liked that a lot," Harry stares deep into my eyes, smirking.
"Me too," I said, jaw dropped.
Now you're a cheater. What else don't I know. Probably a lot.
The lesson Marina helped me learned is: more people listen when you die.
The tape went silence.