22. \\ shards of glass \\
This one is pretty personal for me. I'm not going to go into detail about what it's about (although I'm sure it's quite obvious) but, simply as a poem, I'm kind of proud of it. I feel like I'm lucky to be able to express what I'm feeling in a way which is so beautiful - it's always been really natural for me to put what I'm feeling into words. And this came about when I was feeling a lot of things which I didn't know how to handle or what to do with because although it is natural for me to write it all down, actually feeling it is something... Unfamiliar. I guess I'm just learning how to feel, and it's really painful. But it helps. It's better than not feeling at all.
Anyway. I don't know why I'm doing this and if anyone is still reading by this point (if you are, thank you) but I just wanted to say that letting yourself feel, really feel things - anything - is really important. People I love have taught me that. I'm sorry for sounding cheesy or emotional or mysterious, but... I just wanted to do something with this. I think it would make a few people proud.
~~~
I knew you once;
and you knew me too,
and lately I've been
longing for that time
more than ever
I've always said
that I have a
terrible memory;
somehow I
seem to remember
names more than faces
But
believe me
I want nothing more
than to remember your
face, and not just by
absent-minded glances
at a photograph
I've always thought there
was something painful
about photographs;
that sort of beautiful
pain you might associate
with love
Because
although a moment can
be suspended in time,
it is simply a reminder
that it will not happen
again; not like that,
not ever
And although of course
I know you will not
happen again,
I wish you could laugh
again, and talk again,
and live again and breathe
again because it seems so
horribly unfair that others
carry on while you cannot
One day, I will ask her how
you smiled, and why she
always says your eyes
sparkled
I will ask her about you
and maybe then I will not
have to keep salvaging
shards of a person that I
feel like I have never truly
known, because in that
way those shards will only
ever be of my making,
and what good is that to me?
I am selfish
and I am sorry
and I long for those
shards of you even if
I must keep cutting
myself on the pieces
Even if it is just
to see whether
the shards of you
reflect the shards
of me, like shards
of glass
If they do, then I
will realise that I
didn't have to look
very far to find you
in the first place.