23. \\ heartbreak \\
i have absolutely no experience with love - and so it follows that i have no experience with heartbreak - but this is what i imagine.
this one is for my best friend.
heartbreak has such a feeling of ambiguity, such an overwhelming numbness to it. heartbreak is oxymoronic and just plain moronic. it is love and hate and start and end, it is infinite and momentary, it is indescribable. because it is not just broken promises and tequila kisses and lies, it is not just purple bruises like watercolour on your skin and on your heart. it is so much more. it is not just breakups; it is unrequited love, and love that crosses the finish line before it's even begun the race. it is hopes that are stretched, snapped and torn to shreds; it is unanswered questions and what-ifs and if-onlys. heartbreak is not just it isn't working for me or i think we should just be friends or i never really thought of you that way. it's not just the cliche tears in the rain and arguments at 2am; it's the simple things, the quick texts and off-handed remarks which tell you it's over, or that it never even happened in the first place. and whatever it is, it hurts. it hurts like hell in a way you can't even understand.
bur promise me this. promise me that him not liking you does not mean that you don't like you. because even if you needed him to convince yourself that you were worth loving, promise me that you try and convince yourself of that on your own. just because he left doesn't mean your value automatically decreased, or that you are any less beautiful than you were when he told you so. you were beautiful before you knew him, and, goddammit, you are still beautiful afterwards.