19. Chapter Seventeen
"I think you're beautiful" he put an arm around me pulling me close to him. We were laying in my bed just cuddling. "I don't" I mumbled. "I do" he smiled, "I don't care what you say.. I still think you're the most beautiful girl in the world." I stayed quiet. He was saying so many sweet things to me. I had a hard time believing anything he said. I felt so happy with him but I still had a voice inside my head telling me that he was lying and that I wasn't worth anything. I was stupid to look at.
"Really?" I almost whispered. He nodded, "yes really. No kidding." I slightly smiled but then there was a voice inside that told me that he was lying and that he was just saying that so he could get in bed with you. I started doubting.
He suddenly grabbed my wrist, the one with bandaid on and gently kissed it. "You gotta stop.. I know the voices in your head aren't exactly being nice to you but you'll kill yourself.. I cannot allow that to happen.. You're the first girl I've ever been in love with the way I am now.. I never felt something this real you know.. And I don't wanna loose you Chantelle." I smiled at him, "you really love me?" He nodded, "I do.." I was about to ask why but he made the thoughts go away by kissing me. He gently pulled away and whispered close to my lips, "don't let them in." "They're right" I mumbled, "they always are." He shook his head, "they're wrong unless they're telling you that you're beautiful.. And wonderful." "It doesn't seem like they're wrong.." "They are Chantelle.. Trust me.." I sighed. He was just trying to help me. I was grateful for that but I didn't think anything could help me.
"You know summer vacation is coming up and I would like to spend all of it with you.. And since you're depressed.. Kinda.. We'll go camping.. Of cause I think you spend time with Lucas also... Everything that is good for you" he explained, "anything that is bad you can't even look at it.. Not just yet." "Please don't tell me it's gonna be like a diet.. I hate diets" I said. I really didn't wanna do it. Camping sounded good.
"And if I'm right it's your birthday soon right?" I nodded, "yeah. But I don't want a party." He pecked my cheek, "I know. I'm just gonna give you a gift.. Nothing big." "Thank you" I said. I wanted to smile. He was so sweet and I wanted to smile so badly. Normal people would've smiled and maybe even said something back I just couldn't. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Everything was wrong with me.
"I wanna smile because you're so sweet to me.. I wanna say something sweet to you but there isn't any sweet things inside of me right now.. All I can think of is myself and how I hate myself" I explained looking into his beautifully brown eyes. "I know princess" he smiled, "I know.."