"Good morning beautiful" I heard a voice next to me. I smiled and turned around, "morning." He slept here. "Do you know who wonderful you are to look at when you're asleep?.. You're the most peaceful person on earth" he stroked my cheek smiling. Then my voice told me that he was lying and he only said this to make me sleep all the time and then he would poison me so I could sleep permanently. And of cause the daily routine, telling me that I was ugly and worthless. It unbearable to have this voice inside of me. It was so mean to me and it ruined my life.
"It's already in there isn't it?" he asked worried. I felt the tears slowly make their way down my cheeks. "I hate it" I sobbed, "I hate it so much make it stop!" He pulled me into a hug gently stroking my back. "Everything is gonna be alright" he mumbled, "I promise you.. It'll take time but it'll be fine again."
I decided to help her get through it. It helped a little bit but removing a voice like that was difficult. I had to keep her mind distracted, one moment of silence and it would start criticizing her. It was awful to see her in so much pain. It hurt me. I loved her so much and I wished I could take her pain away.
"I love you Chantelle" I whispered, "I really do.. I hope you'll realize that one day." She was asleep again and was cuddling into me and I had my arm protectively around her pulling her closer to me.
I slightly stroked her soft cheek and smiled. She was so beautiful and lovable. I would even call her the most beautiful girl on earth. I hoped she would realize that someday. She was everything I dreamt off. Even though she was torn apart I loved her and thought she was wonderful. Gosh I wanted to help her. I wished I could. I didn't know if all I did was enough. If she had to see a psychologist or a shrink or something. She wasn't doing good at all.
I closed my eyes I saw her laugh and her brown eyes shining like stars. I saw the happy side of her that I missed. I missed seeing her happy. She had such a better life before I got into it and made her pregnant. That was when everything went wrong. That was when I seduced her at that party and had sex with her in a bathroom without a protection. If only I had used protection she wouldn't be this miserable. She wouldn't be in this pain.
"I'm sorry" I mumbled as a single tear rolled down my cheek, "it's all my fault.. I'm so sorry Chantelle." I wanted to make it up to her again by recreating the happiness she had before I ruined it. I wanted to make her feel happy again that was because I wanted to help her, because I felt bad and because I loved her. I couldn't handle to see her in that much pain as she was in at that point. She was suffering every single hour. She was fighting every single second, minute and hour of the day. She was fighting bravely.
"It's not your fault" she whispered, "I chose to go in there with you." "Don't say that" I mumbled looking down at her beautiful face, "for having sex there has to be two persons. It's my fault and yours but mostly mine." "I know" she whispered again, "I know Justin." I could see it in her eyes. The voice was back. She had this panic-look in her eyes every time it was in there. I hurried to told her that it was lying and that she shouldn't let it in.
"I can't do this anymore" she said, "you're in pain." I looked wondering at her. "You're the one who's in pain Chantelle. We can do this.. Trust me. I love you Chantelle and that's why I'm staying here.. No matter how you're doing I'll always love you.. No matter what, I will always love you" I said as I stroked her cheek, "and no matter if you wanna be dating or whatever we're doing I always wanna do this.. I will help you through this Chantelle." She was so beautiful and wonderful.
"Thank you Justin but I can't.. You have to let me go.. I'm in pain and I just wanna get this voice out of my head.. You can't help me... It's unbearable.. Now just leave me alone" she said, "let me fix this myself." "You can't do that" I whispered, "you can't fix this.." "Leave me alone Justin... I'm not worth it.. Just find a new girl to love.. It'll be better for you" she slightly stroked my cheek. "But I don't wanna let you go" I said, "I can't let you go.." She nodded, "yes you can.. I'm already over it.. Let me fix this.." "Fine then tell me that you haven't felt anything during these months!" I exclaimed, "I don't want you to fix it because I have to.. It's my fault.." "It's not yours to fix" she said, "I feel something and I always have but now it's time for you to leave.." I got angry. "Fine then fix it yourself" I exclaimed and walked away.
After a while I realized how she wanted to fix it and ran back as fast as I could. "Chantelle" I called.