He probably figured it out. I was pregnant. Yes, you heard right. I was pregnant. And my mom was pissed. "Who was it?" she shouted. I looked down, "no one! It obviously was someone but I can't remember. I don't even know how it happened!" "It's that boy from earlier" she yelled, "isn't it?" I looked down, "he didn't do-" "who is that guy?" she yelled, "tell me!" "It's a guy from a party" I mumbled. "Did you have sex at a party?!" she yelled even louder, "you're a disappointment for this family! You always have been!" I looked up at her tears in my eyes, "I know. But the best thing we can do is to remove it." "You can pay and I'll give you the money after.. I just don't wanna be seen with you on the hospital because you have to remove a baby" she said angrily and walked away. Crying I sat down. I had always known that she felt that way but I never thought that she would actually say it out loud. I was literally broken by that point. Everything was a mess. I had lied to Lucas about everything with Justin and I had lied to my parents about it too. I hadn't even told Lucas that I was pregnant and that it was Justin.
I received a text from Justin saying: "you're pregnant?! Why didn't you tell me?" A tear hit my mobile and I dried it away sniffling. I didn't answer. I just wanted to hide from everything and everyone. I got another text saying: "please answer me! I just wanna help that's all! If I can't help please tell Lucas so he can help you I don't wanna see you in pain!" I smiled a little bit at his text. He really did care about me. And he was right I had to tell Lucas.
Lucas: "Hey babe.. You sick?"
Me: "I'm pregnant and I really need your help!"
Lucas: "what?! You're pregnant?! When the fuck did that happen?"
Me: "I don't know.. I just need you right now.. I don't have anyone!"
Lucas: "Look I'll meet you at the hospital in half an hour and you'll tell me who it is okay?"
Me: "Okay.. Thank you so much!"
Lucas: "anytime love you.."
Me: "love you too.."
I hung up and hurried to find some clothes and then did my makeup. I already had covered the bruise on my cheek.
"Hey what can I do for you?" a nurse asked. "Abortion ma'am" I said as low as I could. "Yeah.. How far are you?" she smiled. "I don't know" I shrugged, "like one or two weeks or something." She nodded, "fill this one please and just bring it here when you're done." She gave me a paper. I didn't know any of this. Lucas and I sat down. "Okay full name.. Chantelle Juliette Leblanc" I mumbled. I continued till I almost was done. I couldn't fill all of it out. I guessed it didn't matter so I handed it over and she told me that it was okay I just had to do it next time.
"Did you get that thing removed?" my mom asked angrily. I slowly nodded, "yes I did." "Good.. Now go to your room.. You're still a disappointment" she exclaimed and pointed at the door.
No one wanted me. Everybody hated me. I hated myself. My mom hated me. My sister hated me. My dad hated me. Lucas probably hated me too and so did Justin. I was a slut. I got drunk and had sex in a bathroom and got pregnant. I didn't even know Justin that well. I was a disappointment to the family and everybody thought that. I had no reason to live. Would someone even care if I killed myself? I went to the bathroom and grabbed my razor. I thought for a moment. Nobody would even care. Would they? I was so ugly and my cheek was all purple. My mom hit me. I was so stupid and worthless that she hit me. I was so broken and depressed. I was so miserable and pathetic. This couldn't knock me down but it did.
As those thoughts kept coming I grabbed the razor and cut my wrist a few times. It hurt like hell but it was better than the other pain. It was bleeding so much I didn't think it would stop but I grabbed some paper pressing on the cuts till I stopped bleeding. I found a bandaid and put it on. Then I went to bed. I was going to school tomorrow. I was pathetic laying in bed not wanting to go out. I had to.