There's an unsaid promise between a parent and their child. A promise that doesn't need to be spoken aloud, as everyone knows it's true. This promise applies to me and my mother.
Her promise to protect me.
But i can't remain under the pretense any more. I can't wish childishly that this promise will remain unbroken. I know it won't, i know it can't!
Days after my 19th birthday it was decided that i should move out, that i was old enough to get a job and a place of my own. I agreed for the same reason any child agrees to something which they think is an awful and unfair idea, to keep my parents happy. My parents who gave up so much for me, but did it with only love and compassion in mind.
This idea however did not go to plan as i found myself on moving day, curled up terrified in the corner of a hospital whilst my father lay dying, something which i still blame myself for.
It wasn't on purpose that my father was delivered to his death, nor was it directly any fault of mine. But if i'd disagreed, refused to move out, then he'd still be here.
Whilst helping me unload the first of my belongings into my new flat in the east side of town, only a 15 minute walk from my parents, we were witness's to the brutal and horrific murder of what would have been my neighbor.
"Run" My father whispered in my ear but i remained still, unable to register completely what was happening in front of me.
"Ellie please run" He whispered again, only slightly louder. I wanted to, i didn't want to remain where i was, but i stood frozen to the spot.
"Eleanor run!" He shouted. Suddenly i felt myself loosen slightly. I ran and became safe, thanks only to his valiant bravery.
But i wasn't the only one to hear him.
As i fled into the distance where i was able to quickly dial 999, my father was the killers newest victim.
By the time the police arrived he had lost blood, so much blood.They were able to restart his heart and regain a pulse and i became relieved, i was too quick to let my guard down and think he was going to be alright.
It wasn't alright, it would never be alright again.
He didn't even survive that night.
I was entered into the witness protection alongside my mother who, despite the polices promises that i would be safe, insisted that she'd already lost my father and if she lost me she'd have nothing to live for.
They promised her that i'd be safe. A promise that i feared might not be kept.
The very next day we were placed on a plane to fly to another country, we didn't even attend his funeral.
So there i was, being kept 'safe' in another country, whilst my family and friends worry about me and wonder where i've gone.
I'm was longer myself either. Eleanor Holmes no longer existed. I was Georgina Nelson and my mother ,also with her fake identity, and i were ordered to carry out the charade to others that we had moved after a messy divorce with my father.
6 months later i found myself on the run.
My fathers murderer, whether he knew i was there or if it was just pure coincidence, appeared in the neighborhood one day.
In a blind panic i packed my bags and left. Taking $500 with me and leaving only a simple note behind.
That's where i am now. On the run somewhere in America, only now realizing that there's nobody left to protect me. That my mothers unconditional promise to me had clearly expired and i was now alone.