I'm A Mess

Hi! Well I have this habit of cutting and crying myself to sleep. I'm all alone besides my two ONLY friends, my abusive father and my mother who practically hates me.. My life is amazing right? Yeah, I think not.. I think it is a complete mess. But something is going to change... I can just feel it.

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1. Chapter 1

Charlies POV

I woke up to a horrible sound... My alarm on my phone. I unlocked my phone and stopped the alarm. I lay back down and try going back to sleep.

I kept tossing and turning, until I finally noticed that I'm not able to fall back to sleep. Thanks a lot phone alarm. Thank you very much!

I got out of my warm bed and looked at the clock 6:15am, well I know who shouldn't be here... My dad. I then headed to the shower. Once the warm water hit my body, I felt relaxed, all the stress and pain from over the years... Gone... Just like that.

When I finish my relaxing shower I get out. I look at myself in the mirror. "God why am I so ugly? Why can't I be skinny? Have a non-abusive life? (Yes my father abuses me) Why is their a dark cloud over me?" I ask myself all these questions. God I'm such a idiot.

I decide that today I will try to look presentable. I grab my denim high-waist shorts, my tank-top that says "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on it, and yes it has the TMNT turtles on it also.. don't judge me, my red flannel, and white converse. I get my clothes on then blow dry my hair. (below is the outfit without necklace)

My hair is all white blonde, but has blue dye on top. (hair below)

While blow drying my hair, my dad walks in. "W-w-why a-a-a-r-re ....are yo-o-u-u...you s-still h-here-e?" I managed to stutter out. "What? I can't just say hi to my daughter!?" He spoken between his clutched teeth.

Before I could say anything he pushed me against my bedroom wall. "YOU ARE GOING TO OBEY ME!! YOU HEAR ME? YOU LITTLE BITCH, WHORE, SLUT!" He said, then slapped my face hard.

"Y-y-yes....s-s-sir..." I sobbed out from my dad hitting me. He kicked my side and legs. Before he left he punched my cheek, same side he slapped, then walked out like nothing happened.

I laid there on the ground, against my wall, crying. "Why is my life such a mess?" I ask myself. "I can not stand this anymore!" I yelled at myself. I crawl my way to the bathroom, which wasn't very far away.

I sit myself against my bathroom wall and grab my friend that was under the sink cabinet, nobody ever could find my friend. My friend helped me relieve the pain I have and let the stress and anger I had out in me.

I grabbed the razer and cut my left arm four times deep, then my right arm four just as deep. I cut my left thigh three times, then my right leg five.The exact number of times he hit me, well at least that I could remember... I feel myself get dizzy, so before I could pass out I grab the sink and pulled myself up.

I clean my cuts up then wrapped them up. When I was wrapping them I saw the recent and past cuts that turned to scars.

I feel a tear fall down my bruised cheek. I put some bracelets on then look at the clock, 7:04. "Shit! I need to hurry up if I'm walking." I said to myself.

I needed to cover my bruises and cuts, so I put on "American Idiot" by Green Day  on full blast, to pump me up.

 

"Don't wanna be an American idiot

Don't want a nation under the new media

And can you hear the sound of hysteria?

The subliminal mind fuck America

 

Welcome to a new kind of tension

All across the alien nation

Where everything isn't meant to be okay

 

Television dreams of tomorrow

We're not the ones who're meant to follow

For that's enough to argue

 

Well maybe I'm the faggot America

I'm not a part of a redneck agenda

Now everybody do the propaganda

And sing along to the age of paranoia"

 

I sing along with my phone, while putting some foundation on my face with blush. (To cover the bruises) Then I put on dark red lipstick for the cut on my bottom lip.

After I put on mascara and black eye shadow, to put it all together. For my cuts and bruises on my legs I decide to cover them up with some blush.

 

"Don't want to be an American idiot

One nation controlled by the media

Information age of hysteria

It's going out to idiot America

 

Welcome to a new kind of tension

All across the alien nation

Where everything isn't meant to be okay

 

Television dreams of tomorrow

We're not the ones who're meant to follow

For that's enough to argue"

 

I sang the last few lyrics then looked at myself in the mirror. I don't look like anything happened to me. I look perfectly fine, but in reality I'm not fine... At all.

"Not too much makeup or anything." I said in my head. "I look how I look any other day just prettier... If that is even a word for me." I thought. 

I grab my black bag (in picture with outfit) then walk down the stairs fairly slow because of when my dad hit me in the side and stomach. When I reach the bottom step I get really dizzy and decide to sit on the step. I look out the window and see that my dads car is gone, thank god!

I hear someone sniffling though. So I get up and go to the kitchen. "Mum? Why are you crying? Did dad hurt or hit you?" I asked while saying the last part angrily. "No, your dad did not hurt me or hit me. I'm fine." She said trying to wipe her tears away. "Then why are you crying?" I asked not taking her answer. "You want to know why? Well it's because of YOU!!"

 

Jessies POV (Charlies mum)

I was in the kitchen making Derricks (Charlies dad) lunch for work. I hear someone yelling. Knowing Derrick long enough I know it's him. "YOU WILL OBEY ME!! YOU HEAR ME YOU BITCH, SLUT,WHORE!!" I heard.

I started to tear up, knowing that Charlie, my baby, is hurt. I hear crying then footsteps coming down the stairs. I wipe my eyes before he sees my tears, "Hey hunny, how did you sleep?" I asked without talking about the earlier seconds that just happened.

"Fine. I slept fine...Why?" He asked "Just wondering 'cause you were tossing and turning a lot.." I said. "Is Char-" I tried to spit out till Derrick interrupted me. "YES!" he yelled, "YES JESSIE! SHE IS AWAKE!! WHY" He yelled. "I-i was-s j-just as-sking" I stuttered back.

"WHY ARE YOU STUTTERING?!?! ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME TOO!" He shouted. "N-no I just d-don't like i-it when-n you yell." I said kind of censured for his reaction. "YOU KNOW WHAT! I'M DONE WITH YOU AND YOUR CHILD'S ATTITUDE LATELY! I AM LEAVING NOW, BUT I MIGHT NOT COME BACK!" he screamed. Taking the lunch I packed and heading for the door.

"BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW... IT'S NOT YOU IT'S THAT BITCH UPSTAIRS." he yelled walking out the door. I sat on the kitchen counter, tears coming out of my eyes. "I can't lose him... I just won't let it happen."

I hear Charlie come down the stairs. I try to hide the fact that I was crying because she will think that Derrick hit me, which only happens to her not me... it might though. "Mum? Is that you? What happened? Did he hit you?" She asked all these question.

And that's when I exploded at her. I blamed her. My only child. She yelled back at my reaction, few tears leaving her eyes, then stormed out... What am I doing to this poor girl? I thought. Oh yeah! Braking her down to a billion pieces... 

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