We stopped on another harbor.
I walked out of my room and went out to the deck. It's been three days since that happened and I never spoke to captain with full embarrassment. If something really happened that time then we'll be in trouble facing my family, if he would want us to. But if nothing happened then... phew, I'm stress free. But I don't know anything about this feeling, all this weird feelings started to swallow me all and I don't even know if I'm still normal.
I'm over acting again. Well, it's normal. I went to help Fredo to map the floor, he smiled and shooed me to take the captain's orders. But I politely refused him. I can't face the captain like this. I'm totally scared to face him.
I just went to Brandon at the kitchen and found him chopping meat. I also offered my help but he insisted and shooed me again to instead take the captain's orders. But again, I refused.
I just sat on the hallway leaning on the wall with all my weight as I sighed problematically as I gazed above. I've been with them for more than a month and I still haven't found out why they are talking alone each time they work. Yes, that's right! Why do they talk alone? I should ask the captain- no! I'm still embarrass to face him and so I just gave another sigh.
Cheshire meowed. I looked beside me and saw the cat licking her paw. She looked at me with big eyes and... wait, her eyes were sparkling like diamonds. Oh no, I'm carried away with those special eyes that only cats posses.
I shook my head to return to myself again. I have no time to be taken away from Cheshire while I'm in the hallway, I might end up meeting the capt-
"What are you doing sitting there?" someone asked.
I looked up and saw the captain standing beside me. He leaned on the wall then crossed his arms. "I'm sorry for avoiding you." I said, for I don't know what else to say.
"I understand." He said then stood straight again. "Tonight, I will stain my hands again." then he continued to walk straight outside.
I stood up and followed him. He shouldn't! Before he could open the door, I grabbed his arm. "What do you mean? Don't tell me you're going to..." I stopped looking straight through his eyes.
"I will kill those people who don't deserve to live." Captain straightened.
I frowned. "Everyone deserves to live!" I protested.
He opened the door completely and went to the deck. But I block his way for him to stop from walking and just ignored me around. "If you are like us, you'll never come up with such stupid conclusion." he calmly said. But I know that he was angry.
"But if you live like me, you'll just understand why is it that people wants to live!" I protested.
All the crew looked at us and began to mumble like bees. Maybe I didn't say those words if he will just stop. I don't want someone to die, unless it's really his script. But to kill? No!
"Nobles are just people who are greedy, if there's no such people like them, then life will be equal!" he retorted back at me. "And you don't understand how it is to become peasant who's abused. You know why? Because you're the one mistreating them!"
I felt as if a dagger hit my head. I slapped his face as I felt tears started corrupting my eyes. "You're accusing me with something I never understand. I was only implying that you're doing wrong, but you treated me as if I was the monster." I just keep my face away going back to my room as I let my cries out.
Nothing will happen if I stop him... but I'm angry. I'm angry at him.