Feeling Numb

"When the world around me burns, all I can do is stop feeling. Feeling hurts. Like a bitch, actually. It's much easier to avoid it," Bell says as if she were talking about some pesky bug rather than her emotions. "Doesn't that get lonely?" I ask. "You get used to feeling numb."


2. Niall's POV: Mr. and Mrs. Nutella

Niall's POV: Mr. and Mrs. Nutella

I feel my face turning red in the darkness and I send a little silent prayer to whatever god is currently at work here.

"That's very specific," I say sarcastically.

Kara smiles at me and then looks around with those big eyes. I can't put my finger on a color because they seem to change with the light. The moon is big and they almost look green, even though they were grey when we were inside.

"I'm going to be a child now," Kara states, tearing me from my thoughts as she gets up from her perch on the swing and walks casually towards the tiny castle. However, about half way there, she breaks out into a run and trips again. I stifle a laugh as she continues running as if it was all going according to plan.

The castle was clearly not made for an eighteen-year-old girl and her head pops out of the top.

"I'm queen of Narnia and Nutella. Bow to me, peasant," she says, laughing in my general direction.

"Actually, I'm the king of Nutella," I say. "So no."

"I guess I will share Nutella with you. It deserves peace!" Kara says, chuckling at the end of her sentence.

I laugh too and follow her into the tiny castle, ducking into the entrance made for children.

We look ridiculous. The castle - once again, made for children - is sort of cramped and I find our arms rubbing against each other. I look over at her and quickly look away because she's looking at me.

I thought about those eyes and, for a moment, I had the painful urge to look over at her and decide what color her eyes were. I tell myself no and to snap out of it before I look at her again. I don't want to seem strange or creepy. The little butterflies in my stomach, eating at my guts make me think that I like this girl. If I do something wrong, she won't like me back.

Of course, I am an international pop star. There will always be another girl.

No. I want this one. It's that simple.

I look back over at Kara. She's looking at me too. My eyes travel from her lips to her eyes and back. She smiles a bit, probably understanding what I want.

"Can I?" I whisper.

Kara nods. I lean in slightly, tilting my head a bit.

I can feel fire erupting inside my stomach as our lips touch. In a sick way, it feels good. My heart pounds inside my ears as the blood rushes to my head. After a few seconds, I pull away.

"Why'd you stop?" Kara asks, breathless.

Without a word, I kiss her again.


"That.Is.So.Cute." Arabella says after I finish telling her about my kiss with Kara.

My cheeks turn red with embarrassment. Talking to Bell always makes me feel embarrassed at some point or another, whether she's on the phone, like now, or in person.

"What did Liam say?" Bell asks.

"He doesn't know."

"Woah, woah, woah, hold the fuck up. You make out with his best friend since childhood and don't even tell him? That's a cold potato, Horan," Bell says.

"It doesn't really come up in conversation. I can't just say, 'Hey, Liam! Guess what I did! I put my tongue in your best friend's mouth!'"

"Well you have to tell him at some point."

"I know. I figured I'd just tell him tonight when we all get together. Kara will probably be there, anyway. She'll stop him from killing me."

Even to myself, I don't sound so sure.

"Am I still invited to that?" Bell asks.

"Of course! Why wouldn't you be?" I ask.

"I don't know. People usually change their mind about inviting me places really soon after they invite me."

"Bell, you're my sister. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Alright, alright. Hey, am I the only one who knows about you and this Kara chick?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're famous. The press would just love two together. I hope no one saw you guys."

It hadn't even crossed my mind that someone could have seen us. I'd been caught up.

I can almost see Arabella rolling her eyes at me.

"You know, you weren't there. You don't know Kara. You have no idea how distracting she is," I point out.

"I know she's got you whipped," Bell says and then makes kissing noises.

"Shut up," I mumble uselessly.

"So is this chick, like, the one?"

I don't even know why she asks. She knows what I feel, how I feel, and when I'm ready to feel it. She already knows the answer. She reads me. It's weird.

"I don't know, but I'm cautiously optimistic," I say.

"Aw, Niall has a crush!" she coos.

"Shut up," I mumble again.

"I'll see you soon," Bell says, then hangs up.

I sigh to myself.

Don't get me wrong. I love Arabella to death. She just makes me tired. She's hard to keep up with and she rarely ever makes any sense. I care about her more than anything, but still I worry what people will think of her. She's not very good with first impressions.

Arabella Boesson could be my biological sister if I were a natural blonde and she wasn't raised in America. Our families are close friends and I've known her practically since birth.

Still, that girl makes me tired.

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