I observe the moon making its rounds, from one horizon to another. Somewhere else, far away, it is just showing up against the blackening sky.
The sun makes its appearance, and I watch the stars slowly fade out of existence, as the midnight sky becomes a bright array of warm colors. Honestly, I like the night better. I could tell you why, but I'll save that for a different time as you invade my brain's every thought.
Or perhaps not, because you only know what I tell you. Of course, you should've figured that out by now.
A car or two cruise along the graveyard of a street, and some people decide to leave their homes to take a morning walk. Isn't it funny, how people take morning walks, but you've never heard of a nightly stroll. If you have, the story ends with the unlucky individual being mugged, raped or murdered. If not, the story is false, or the cwalker is deemed creepy and insane.
I watch the city come alive, as the sun is dragged higher above me, suspended like a puppet by an invisible wire.
Should I be getting ready for school like a normal teenager? You may be asking this, if you assumed I was under the age of 19. Which I am. I'm 17, and in two days I'll be a year older than that.
The answer to your inquiries is no, however. I dropped out of school. For what reason? I was suspended numerous times because I kept skipping class to sit on the roof and ponder life's meaning. Or lack thereof.
I don't have a future. I don't plan on living that long anyway. Call me emo, suicidal, depressed, if you fancy it.
Maybe I'm a version of that. Some day, I'll throw myself in front of a moving vehicle, and I'll sleep for the first time in years. I might even have fun. I actually want to experience death. I've got nothing to lose, after all. I don't have a love, friends, ambitions of any sort.
You see, I've accepted the fact that I can fall in love with someone famous, but they won't fall in love with me. I can fall in love with a nobody, like me, but even they won't fall in love with me. Or perhaps it's the other way around. Maybe it's I who won't love them back.
Not even the players would want to get with me, or make bets to see if they could get some action from me.
Why is this? The complete and utter truth.
Just because someone's romantic and I am alone, doesn't mean I need them, or that I will ever want to be within 20 meters of them. One day I might be lucky enough to die with someone. There's nobody who I want to be that someone, and I don't think there ever will be.
I finally descend the giant tree of unknown species, and stumble when my feet hit the ground. I climb into my room through the open window, and change into my outfit of the day.
Black everything? What a coincidence. I wore black yesterday. And the day before that, and the day before that. Huh. Who would've known? Not me.
I pull on my skinny jeans, despite my spinning head, and slip into a sleeveless shirt with a white X on each shoulder. I slide my feet into my dirty combat boots, and tie a bandana around my wrist.
Usually I wouldn't bother to put on makeup, but I feel like it makes me look less like I committed homicide and regularly perform satanic rituals in my basement. Or maybe not, because my idea of putting on makeup is ringing my eyes with black eyeliner and about 8 coats of mascara.
Before I leave the house, I write a note to my Grandmother. Poor old woman. I really should spend a day drinking tea or something with her.
I'm going out again. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but call me if you need anything. You know my cellphone number. Take your pills and don't have a heart attack while I'm gone.
My name isn't actually Noelle. It's the alias I acquired because my dead younger sister was named that. Everyone just started calling me Noelle. Yes, thanks so much for relating me to the dead. Love you too.
I close the window and go out the door for once. That is what doors are for, after all.
Cars now chase after each other outside. The sidewalks contain groups of people, young and old, with their friends or pets.
I follow a particularly happy group of stereotypical, trend-following teenage girls. My ears are not bleeding after what seems like hours of them talking, but they might as well be.
"Oh, guess what Larson said to Michelle last night!"
"He told her that he liked her all along, even after dating her best friend!"
Yeah, guys do that sometimes. Not the kind you want to hang out with, honey.
Finally, I escape their pointless rambling as I turn a corner, and walk through the gate of an old, abandoned park. I'm not entirely sure why its deserted. It's right behind a popular music venue, where pretty decent bands play. Plus, there's an apple tree, and the swing set works.
I can't say the same for the slide, which collapsed, and the bench has two wasp nests under it.
Maybe that's why nobody comes here.
I pick an apple off of the tree, and walk along the path through the bushes that separate the park from the musical arena, or whatever it is on the inside. I hear a band practicing within it, and nod my head along with the beat. Whoever this band is, they're pretty good.
I sit outside the back doors, and close my eyes. I don't fall asleep; I never do. Instead, my brain just kind of shuts off, and I get lost in the sound of guitars, drums and faint vocals.
Suddenly, noise erupts beside me, and I jump to my feet, startled. I crouch against the wall of the arena, hoping the fact that it's late evening and that I'm wearing black will save me from being seen.
"Hey, are you okay?" A soft voice, and the closing of a door signal that I've been spotted.
"Why do you care?" I question, staring at my knees.
"Why wouldn't I care? You're crouching against the wall of an arena, it's dark out, and you look upset, or at the least, lonely."
I look up, to see a tall guy with bright red hair, it's hard to tell just how bright his hair is, but it seems about the same shade as the lipstick girls supposedly wear when breaking hearts.
"Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely." I state, and he sits beside me.
"True enough. But at least lighten up a little would you? I'm not trying to pry into your soul,I'm just wondering why you're out here."