"Wait so where are we going now?" I ask.
"Where do you want to go?" Jordan asks.
"New York?" I beg.
"Oooh, nice try, but let's shoot for something smaller like...
Say...Fresh Town Pizza" he says and points to the pizza place across the street.
"It's just like New York there right?" I ask in a joking tone.
"Yes, just like New York" he says with a grin.
So we walk to the pizza place and he gets us two slices of pepperoni pizza and we get to talk a bit more about Joyanne's mansion.
"If Mary referred you that means she must think pretty highly of you which means she thinks you'd be good for this place, knowing Mary she probably goes there all the time" Jordan states. "True, but maybe Mary is just being nice" I say, doubting myself more than her. "Well we'll see how it goes" he assures and I nod.
"And I mean, didn't you notice how each shop we went to there were girls your age? You could probably make some friends while you're there" he adds.
"You will too! I mean that place isn't just girls, there's gotta be a few guys there, and you can share your creativity with them"
and I mean,
he can have girl friends too because he's stuck with me.
And for that I feel bad.
"Babe I'm losing you again" Jordan says as he snaps his fingers in my face.
"Sorry" I say bashfully.
"You do that all the time, what are you thinking about?" He asks.
I told myself I'd never tell him.
"Nothing bear boy, it was nothing"
I say and try to brush it off cooly.
"Okay. Well are you done with your fine slice of the freshest pizza in town?" He asks dramatically and it makes me laugh.
"Indeed, should we be off?" I ask.
He nods and puts his hand out and I take it and giggle as we walk out after paying.
"Can we go home?" I ask.
"You itching to get back to that canvas eh?" He asks. "Actually I got a new idea so I wanted to do that" I say and he smiles. "Okay baby girl, let's go home" he says and we walk hand in hand.
Each touch, each kiss, each
"I love you" and each gift he gives all bring me the strongest pang of guilt about poisoning him.
"Hey bear boy do you remember Kelsey?" I ask randomly. "Uh, yeah what about her?" He asks. "Do you think you'd be with her right now if you weren't with me?" I ask.
"No" he replies bitterly.
I nod and keep walking, trying to be sensitive of his feelings.
"I love your face despite your nose,
seventeen and a half years old,
worrying about my brother finding out,
what's the fun in doing what you're told" Jordan sings in my ear.
I look up at him and blush and he kisses my chin, lips, nose and up to my forehead.
When we get to my apartment I unlock it, opening it to the smell of paint and daisies. I bring my acoustic into my room and clean the strings quickly.
Under A Paper Moon by All Time Low plays in my living room as I get pyjamas on in my bedroom and I smile at Jordan's fantastic taste in music.
He's literally perfect,
and I kind of hate it,
but in a good way.
I come out of my room with my hair in a high bun, a loose grey Arctic Monkeys's crop top and black fuzzy shorts on, and Jordan frowns because he doesn't have pyjamas.
I go back in my room and dig through my dresser till I find pyjama pants and a flannel I've stolen from him and he smiles in content when I bring them out. "I love how these are my clothes but they smell just like you" he states and I smile.
"What's for dinner?" I ask as I look through my cabinet and refrigerator. "Can we have cereal instead?" He asks innocently. "Sure, bear boy" I say and open my cabinets for the cereal. Of course I am fully stocked on his favourite, chex, and my favourite, raisin bran. I pour the cereal into two bowls, my coloured ones that basically just me and him use.
We both have never been the people type so we don't have a lot of friends, we just have each other.
"Thank you my dear" he says as I plop a spoon into the bowl in front of him on the coffee table. "Anytime" I say with a smirk and wiggle of my eyebrows and he laughs.
We eat dinner in mostly silence, I mean, what are we suppose to talk about?
Our lives are pretty basic, we're both 19, I go to art school and he goes to photography classes, I own a studio apartment in the city that my dad pays for so I don't have to work a job and attend classes, and Jordan shares an apartment with a few other guys fifteen minutes away from my place. We both have free time to do the things we're passionate about, and I enjoy it so much.
"Wait, how are we gonna work that shop thing and attend our classes? Isn't that why my dad is paying for my studio and your grandparents helping with your rent, so we don't have to work and stretch ourselves?" I ask, thinking about how often we'll have to be there.
"Joyanne didn't give any specific hour requirements, just at least a 35$ dollar minimum payment at the end of the month. And the time we take to draw or paint or edit photos or make jewellery we can just do it there instead of our apartments, so if someone comes in we can pause for a minute and help them" he replies knowledgeably.
"True, good thinking bear boy" I say and he cheekily nods, swinging his camera to take a picture of me, and i swear he just likes to hear the sound of his own shutter.
"Okay, well I'll get together some of my stuff tonight and I believe she'll call me or you tomorrow" I say and he nods, scooping chex into his mouth and slurping the milk.
I quickly eat my dinner while he takes his time, and I go to the sunroom area to my canvas and watercolours. I love my studio apartment because basically everything is open, the only walls are to separate the bedroom and the bathroom from everything else and I like it that way.
Finding my phone I play my music again and Between Two Lungs by Florence + The Machine starts playing loud through my surround speakers.
Through the rhythm I flow again, as always, sliding around on the paint flecked wood floor in my art area, but instead of the usual sunlight, the glorious moonlight shines through, illuminating the colours of my painting in a different tone. Oranges, dark blues and brown fill this canvas with abstract lines and splotches.
"I love the things music does to you" Jordan whispers from behind me. I nod slightly and take a step back from my painting. Flicking on the spotlight I see my painting better and sigh at all the things I see as imperfections but before I can say a word Jordan hugs me from behind and says "it's perfect, don't change a freaking thing."
I nodded and put my brush back in the water and closed my watercolours.
Jordan goes into the kitchen and tosses me a pen from one of the drawers and I smile at how well he knows me and how well we work, even though it's all an illusion of love.
I sign my piece and put my tag on the bottom corner and throw him the pen back.
"What were we suppose to do after dinner?" Jordan asks.
"Beats me, kid" I reply and we both stand in the middle of the kitchen and art area, just looking at each other.
"And it was trapped between two lungs, it was" FATM plays in the background as me and Jordan contemplate what to do.
"Oh get my finished pieces!" I exclaim, remembering that I was suppose to gather them to bring tomorrow in case Joyanne accepted us.
I go into my back closet and pull out a bunch of canvas' that I've done and nobody's ever bought, I pull out my old sketchbooks that I can go through and maybe frame a few to sell, I pull out a bag that has hemp string and laundry clips and set that along with the stuff, maybe to help organise. The wooden beads and a few anklets and bracelets that I made when I was younger are still in a plastic tote and I cringe at how ugly they are and it gives me all the more reason to wanna sell them. I get a large bin and put all the small items in it and Jordan takes the canvas' and we put them by the front door.
"And what now?" Jordan asks.
"Maybe just sleep" I say in defeat. "You want me to stay or are you on your own with this one?" Jordan asks. "You can stay bear boy" I say and smile a tiny bit.
Sometimes I don't let Jordan stay because I need to clear my head or I just want to be alone but I really just love affection and it's unfulfilling when he's not there.
I wash my face and brush my teeth and then go back to my room and lay down next to Jordan. He cuddles me and I seriously do not know what I would do without this boy.
"This is gonna sound so childish but will you sing?" Jordan asks. I laugh and cuddle into his side and he puts a hand through my hair. "Sure, what do you want me to sing?" I ask. "I really like Ed, you know that, so anything by him" he replies and I nod into his torso.
"I should ink my skin with your name" I begin and he shivers. I lift my head up and raise my brow and he says "no keep going, that was really good." I nod and continue "take my passport out again, and just replace it, see I could do without a tan on my left hand, where my forefinger meets my knuckle" I sing out and it makes me shake at the idea that one day me and Jordan will be married. I shake the thought away because we're both still young and I sing the rest of the song and eventually fall asleep on Jordan's chest.