Life seems to flash by in the blink of an eye. One second you are a child unaware of the dangers of the world. Next you are an adult tasked with finding a partner who will love you through the soaring highs and the crushing lows of life. Just when you think you have it all figured out, that is when it is all stripped right from you.
I never understood until the day he died what people meant by telling me to cherish the moments I have with the ones that I love. It never occurred to me that it would end one day. One minute we were kissing for the first time and the next I was saying my final goodbyes to the man that I loved.
My husband was one for the books. He could do anything. And by anything I really do mean anything. He was always so happy and full of life; I never really understood why the world took him from us, he made this place better day in and day out.
Oh and my heart ached for this man and the many memories we captured throughout our lifetime. I try and remember him as best as I could but with everyday it gets harder to remember his scent. There is nothing more that I could ever ask for than to curl up next to him and inhale the mix of cologne and sweat that he always carried around with him.
I never knew how evil time could be. We always wish that time would just speed up to get through something. But man oh man if there is one thing I regret throughout this lifetime it has to have been my desire to keep things moving I never lived in the moment. I fear this took my time with him and cut it oh so utterly short. My Niall was one of the best men to ever walk this planet and many people knew it too.
“Grandma,” my eldest granddaughter Ella paused and looked at me curiously, “you always have this song playing.”
I smiled real big into her beaming blue eyes. “I know I do. It helps me remember your Grandpa.”
She looked down and started messing with her fingers. “Do you miss him? Because I do. I cannot imagine what you’re going through.” She spoke softly to me.
I started nodding my head. “Ella, I miss him every day. I miss him every second of everyday. But that does not mean I am not perfectly happy to be here with my beautiful babies and grandbabies.” I reassured her. After his death a year ago I closed myself off from the world. I only talked to my kids a couple of times a month. I shut out everybody else and made them feel insignificant. Slowly but surely I started feeling like my old self but a piece of me was buried with Niall.
She smiled at me, “What’s this song called anyway?”
I took a deep breathe and help back the tears that were always threatening to fall whenever I talked about my Niall. “It’s called Photograph by Ed Sheeran.” I closed my eyes again.
“Why does it make you think about grandpa?”
I let the tears slip out this time and took another deep breath. “This is the song that was playing when I met him, we danced to it.” I looked back at Ella who was smiling from ear to ear.
“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard of in my life.”
“Brace yourself then, go upstairs into the guest bedroom and go through the pictures in the desk. Bring them back down here and I can tell you all about him.”
She quickly rushed up the stairs and back down them carrying envelopes of pictures from decades together. She placed the envelopes in chronological order across the table.
“I picked my favorite pictures from each year we spent together and placed them in each envelope for that year. I haven’t looked at the pictures since then.” Tears haphazardly fell down the sides of my face.
Ella put her arm around my shoulders. “Grandma, I can only hope to find a love that you guys shared together.”
I nodded my head, “Me too Ella. Everyone deserves it.” I composed myself and reached for the first envelope labeled 2017.
“Wow,” Ella whispered, “That was a long time ago.”
“Oh it was.” I started chuckling and carefully opened the sealed envelope that contained just a few pictures. But they quickly took my breath away.