*SUICIDAL THINGS IN THIS CHAPTER BE AWARE!*
My brain is filled with thoughts of him.... Not only that... It's to hard to say it.... Maybe I shouldn't say it..... Okay here is goes.... Suicide.... There are more ways out.... No there isn't.... I can't decide what to do... Maybe I shouldn't..... Maybe I should.... It won't hurt if I cut.... Atleast no one will know..... All I have to do is get my blade... And slice my skin.... One... Two.... Three... Four.... Five... Six.... Seven.... More more.... I lost count.... I should stop now before I can't cover them.... My legs will do for now... One... Two... Three... Four.... I stopped.... Was I doing the right thing? Yeah.... I'm fine... I feel better.... I can't cover them with makeup... No one will see... I'll be fine.... Well for now... I feel satisfied.... My friends might be mad if they see them.... What am I talking about? They won't.... I have bracelets... Makeup... Sweaters..... Yeah I'll be fine....
"Selena! Open the door! Let me explain!" Louis kept writing notes and sliding then under my door. I just threw them away then he said what he wrote outloud.
My skin is the paper..... The blade is my pen.... My marks are the writing I'm trying to express...... What else do I need? I've tried to stop drawing on my hand to stop my actions.... It gets better..... And better..... Until you start to think about suicide all over again.....
" Selena! I'm gonna break the door!" I looked at the window then I did the thing I've always been afraid of.... Leaving the people I love..
I jumped out of the window after I grabbed my phone and some clothes, I covered my cuts and started running. I stopped running when I got to a park far from Louis house.
"Ello Love, are you lost?"
"Harry? How did you find me?" Instead of answering my question he pulled my sleeves up and saw my scars...
"Why?" He had tears in his eyes.
"You don't understand! I love Louis! I really do..." Harry hugged me and I let my tears go and Harry started crying too.
"Selena is he worth your life?" Harry made me realize that...
"He is worth it! He helped me with more than anyone has! He made me realize that I wasn't worth anything to anyone til now!" I let go of Harry and picked up my back pack... I ran away from Harry and he just let me.
-2 days later-
I'm still broken, why? He doesn't deserve my tears..... I can't cry... 'I'm stronger than that' ........ I keep telling myself that to stop my tears..... To stop myself from giving him satisfaction...... But all I wanted to do that moment was go up to him and say..... 'You win...... I can't live.... Breath or talk with you... Your my everything' ....... But what do I get with that?
"Selena... Honey you look better than better" May was helping me through what happened with Harry. I met her the day of the park and she's been real nice to me.
"Yeah I am." I lied.
Everyone thinks I'm fine.... 'Yeah I am!'......no not really.. I wish I didn't have to lie..... But I do... I can't act hurt... I just want to say 'goodbye life!'..... But I don't want to hurt anyone..... Well I don't want to hurt my best friend..... He needs me.... I need him... He's always been there.... Help me through everything....... Well I think I'm to late with that.. I left him at the park... Alone... After I said Louis was worth it. I should just die!
After May left the guest room, I grabbed my backpack and looked for the sleeping pills I was giving at the doctors since I couldn't sleep. I opened the pills and grabbed my water bottle from the counter and look a couple of pills out.. I think like 5 pills... I stuffed them in my mouth and drank my water. My eyes started getting heavy.
"Selena! What did you do!?" Who's that?
I tried opening my eyes ,but it was useless.
"Wake up!" Another voice said.
"Selena! Please stay strong."
After I heard an ambulance coming, every noise and sound disappeared.
How to know who your best friends are:
1) He/she will be by your side even when you do something bad, or everyone thinks you did something bad.
2) They will tell you when your wrong even though you don't want them too. They might have a different point of view and tell you.
3) They will share their food if that's their more precious thing XP okay maybe that ,but they will encourage you to be yourself and let people like you for who you are and not for being someone else.